Would a guy tell you

[Jetta]

That he's been engaged twice if he wasn't interested in you? Yes same guy I beleve I have the connection with. He also remembers the last time he saw me. But still he doesn't ask for my number or anything that would show true interest, of course I'd probably fall over if he did. And he did overhear me tell another guy I don't give out my phone number. I also spent much of the night chatting with his gay friend, who gave me a hug when I left. So what do you think?

 

He's really having me hone my dectective skills.

[annie24]

Jetta - I think you're reading too deeply into things. I think if he were interested in you, he would have asked you out right now. Or, perhaps, he has something going on in his life and it's just not the right time for him to ask you out. In any case, it may be time to forget about him... even though the detective game can be fun, it's not really getting you anywhere, is it?

[Jetta]

Truthfully I think he knows I'm not ready, and I am enjoying the dectective game so no harm IMO. When I arrived he asked me to join him and his friend. However he is a friendly guy, so that I don't take to mean too much.

[annie24]

Well, the harm it's doing is that it's occupying your time that can be spent on other, more important things out. Or, spent dating a man who will actually do stuff like call you and ask you out.

 

This guy is a bartender. If he's being friendly, then he's doing his job. I'm sure that he knows how to ask for a woman's phone number. If he is interested, that's what he will do.

 

But, to answer your question, I don't see anything about the statement, "I've been engaged twice" that indicates any romantic interest. It's just a statement.

[Jetta]

When I saw him he wasn't at work, he was just hanging out like I was so he didn't have to talk to me or even acknowledge my existence. I have to say your response is more judgemental than helpful.

[disEnchantid]

honestly, I would be a little wary of a man who has been engaged twice until I learned the circumstances surrounding why those engagements didn't become marriages. I'd hate to see you become broken-off engagement #3

[Empathy]

I agree with disenchantid. Do you know why the engagements ended?

[Jetta]

Thanks. Not looking to get married, at least not right now, but that is something to find out. I know he fathered a child and I think the first engagement had something to do with the circumstances surrounding it. Didn't know anything about the 2nd. Could be why he's so cautious. I just knew someone hurt him pretty badly and always thought it was the child's mother.

[annie24]

I'm sorry - I don't mean to sound judgemental, I'm just trying to offer some outside perspective. I do have to agree with the others, 2 broken engagements sounds a little fishy. I dunno - he may like you, but from what you have written, there doesn't seem to be any overwhelming evidence that he is interested in you romantically. Just my 2 cents.

[Süsser Tod]

Being a bartender, if he hasnt made a move yet, that means he won't. You may be enjoying the game, he may just be talking to someone.

[Jetta]

Perhaps there hasn't been overwhelming evidence, but I'm naturally intuitive so I tend to pick up on things. He does give out mixed messages, which is why I look for others opinions on specific happenings. Also why I generally go with he's being cautious. Some coworker friends asked him if he was going to approach me, and he said "Not Yet". So I don't know what he's waiting for really.

 

He gives little blurps of information, sees how I react to it, and then will share more. I could be wrong, I just don't think he'd spend this much time getting to know me if he didn't care. His concern about my well being could be just the way he is, or not. If anything I am changing since meeting him, according to my close friends, mostly positive but some changes they are quite sure of yet.

 

Truth is I have never had such strong feelings for a guy, to the point of feeling like my heart is just wide open whenever he's around.

[Jetta]

Okay let me share a couple of things. One of his female friends who had befriend to get the inside scope of my divorce process kept asking me if I had filed yet, etc. I asked her why she cared so much, because I knew she really didn't like me. Anyway she looked over at "Mark" and basically said she was just curious. "Mark" has been hoovering around in the background for a while. Now that I'm divorced he talks to me, but he still hasn't asked me out.

 

I also went out with a male acquaintance and found out he got pretty upset/hurt. A male friend of his said I should go apologize to some people. I was like what are you talking about? Since he was the ex-boyfriend of the girl who befriended me I thought he was referring to her. So I apologized to her (she was totally in love with him, and he wasn't with her), and the guy was like that's not who I mean. I had no idea it was "Mark" until he said his name. He came in that night and looked rough. He then said his heart hurt, which is when I realized he really did care.

 

Okay so I do know he did care at one time, and maybe still does, but he's not making a move and I'm not sure why. Oh and he got a new job.

 

I totally forgot about all this other stuff. Maybe he's just waiting for me to get myself settled/reestablished.

[annie24]

Trust your gut instinct. It sounds like he does have some interest in you, other circumstances may be stopping him from making a move on you. Of course, your recent divorce might make him not want to get involved with you so soon. Can you blame him? Maybe he's hesitant about dating a woman with children. Maybe he has some own issues in his life, or he is "talking" to an ex-gf right now. You don't really know.

 

In any case, I wouldn't force the issue with him. I've been in a situation before where I sensed a guy liked me, but he wouldn't make a move on me, so finally I made a move on him, and we dated for a few months, but things just weren't right... they just didn't feel right, and we broke up. I think he had a lot on his mind at the time (school/job problems) and he didn't like me enough to really look past his own issues. Which is why I don't recommend forcing the issue.

[Jetta]

Thanks Annie,

That's good advice. I'm fine with not forcing anything. I would rather get myself together, but sometimes God has other plans I think. The feelings I have for this guy are different than anything I've ever experienced. I don't normally get like this for a guy. I'm a take or it leave it person, indifferent is probably a good word. He scared me for the longest time because the feelings were just so intense I could hardly stand to be around him. I don't like to be out of control of my emotions.

[annie24]

You haven't moved out of the house you share with your ex-husband, have you? I would most certainly be hesitant to date someone who is still living with their ex. Perhaps that's what he's waiting for.... Or, maybe he's waiting until you've been divorced for 6 months.... who knows what kinds of "rules" he has in his head....

[Jetta]

Yeah I know, that's not because I haven't tried to get out (I'm sleeping on the couch now), and thankfully he's going out of town over the weekend. He never left me during our entire marriage, even if I begged him to. I was so suffocated. So we're avoiding each other as much as possible, but we're still in the same house. I've never had such a hard time getting a job in my life, and that is really bringing me down.

[love_is_key]

Really... if you are still co-housing with your ex... a good man will only come so far... men can want you badder than an elephant wants a peanut... but they will be hesitant if you are living with someone and if they see you've gone out with another... it sounds like you are really infatuated with this guy... my suggestion is... stop playing with all the people in between... all the he-said/she-said stuff... and slip him an invitation... to some quiet time... maybe a light lunch... and lightly discuss how you feel... and how he delights you... you may be surprised of what he'll reveal... if he's a good man he'll certainly respect you for being direct and you'll at least be the wiser for the encounter. But by all means, keep all those extra folks out of the business. Oh... and believe me lady... unless a man puts his exact words up on a marquee with flashers... you can never assume a man's heart by his actions...

[Neko78]

Sorry, I read the first page and posted a response...it seems a lot more complicated than the first post! Good luck anyways!