Suggestions for the broken hearted people! Let's share.

[dstanzler]

Hey everybody. I am still going through an exhausting break up with my first love that has lasted 5 months. Things are rough because she's told me she wants to come back. Unfortunately she has chronic depression and is staying away until she gets well again. Anyways I have been reading all of these posts and I thought I would write down everything that has helped me so that perhaps anyone else feeling like death could pick themselves up.

 

EAT and DRINK WATER-- This is not a time for dieting so eat and drink water for energy that will help you stay clear headed and upbeat.

 

TAKE NOTE OF YOUR EMMOTIONS-- Ups and downs are pretty common. Do not try to control them; let them wash over you and avoid excessive sleeping.

 

EXCERSISE FOR 45 MINS DAILY/WEEKLY-- You need to get out of the house and movement will help you feel better and clear your mind. I used to walk 24 miles a week when I was really stressed out. But the walking helped me realize how much I love life and so I began to relax a lot more and enjoy my own thoughts.

 

SEE A THERAPIST-- For someone to talk to about improving your own life, moving on, and becoming a better person. I began therapy soon after my break up with the ambition of simply getting over the entire situation. I am still not over my ex but through counseling I have been able to turn my life around. I stay upbeat, got a job, and made a lot of new pals that I have become rather close to. Its good to help you get on track.

 

VENT ON BOARDS and TO YOUR FRIENDS-- They will always lend help and a shoulder. I am always trying to help people recover from breakups and am always happy to help anyone out (I've gotten pretty good at it) so if anyone needs to vent: email removed / AIM: Dstanzler. In the beginning of my own break up I was staying with my pals Mannuel and Andres crying myself to sleep and losing great amounts of weight. It was then they introduced me to my own new obsession: blues guitar. I learned from them how to become independent and how to think positively. On the boards I met a friend of mine Noor who aided in counseling me through my rough times and helped me turn my life around. She has been waiting from her love for 12 months... he is clinically depressed too and locked up in an institution.

 

TAKE UP A PROJECT-- Something unnatural that you've always wanted to do that will completely immerse you. In my case it was learning blues guitar and I still practice 6 hours a day.

 

GET A FUN JOB-- I volunteer at my college radio station and its a great opportuinty to spread the wealth of music and explore all kinds of bands I had never heard of.

 

SET GOALS FOR YOUSELF AND BE AMBITIOUS-- I am writing an epic poem that I am working towards publication a goal of mine for the last 8 years but my recent desire to outsolo George Harrison, Clapton, Hendrix, Randy Rhoads, Eddie Van Halen, and Hendrix has kept me focused through most of the days.

 

ENJOY EVERY MOMENT-- Sometimes I will admit that I feel lonely but then I just go out and see my friends or my little brother and we'll watch a bad action movie and laugh are asses off or we'll drink coffee and discuss exsestentialism or listen to some Ozzy.

 

I hope this helps everyone as much as it helps me. Let me know your thoughts or add anything that has helped you.

 

Oh by the way I know that someone mentioned a list of the songs that have helped them the most, so here are mine (by band)

 

AEROSMITH

F.I.N.E

Angel

Don't want to miss a thing

Jaded

Cryin'

 

BEATLES

Let it be

I Dig A Pony

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Rocky Raccoon

Stawberry Fields

Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds

All You Need Is Love

Michelle

Something

Octopus Garden

 

ROLLING STONES

Miss You

Angie

She's a Rainbow

 

 

VAN HALEN

Jump!

Ice Cream Man

Panama

 

SOO MANY MORE!!! I am a DJ afterall but those are my TOP TOP TOP songs.

 

Love,

Dave

[suprema99]

hey dstanzler, have you ever heard the term misery loves company? The more time you spend with somebody in misery, the more you become mserable.

[Liquidius]

I am doing a lot of those things, and admittedly I'm feel a lot better. Still have lots of ups and downs, but those things really help

[Shadows Light]

You've hit the nail on the head. I think I've done all these things to find relief. I'm the "dumper" and it makes it no less easier dealing with a failed long term relationship.

 

Is there something wrong with "Misery loving company"... just asking. I have a few friends who are at various stages of pre and post break-up...and it helps I think smooth out the rough times. Lending someone and ear or being listened to... and actually "heard".

 

Music. LOL. Have found a whole new genre of music I never knew existed. Listening to everything from Country to Alternative metal. And I love it. LOL... I'm 38 yrs old...and I've discovered that when I'm in a mood, listening to heavy metal, the louder the better, alleviates the hurt I feel. Too funny.

 

Excersise: Yep, it works. A simple walk around the block or through the park. Am seeing the depth of colors these days. The beauty of trees and flowers....and painting pictures with the clouds. Can't remember the last time I've done that.

 

Yes... there are good days. And there are bad days. I keep a calendar and simply mark down what type of day it was... check for good. X for bad. And I keep a diary so I can see what triggers those bad days. Have noticed more good days than bad days, I think I'm on a roll.

 

Am learning to take it one day at a time. Still having difficulties putting the past behind me and wondering if I could have done things differently.

And how I contributed to this mess I am in. I do not want to repeat this ever again.

 

Ex is still very much in contact. With children you have to be. Every once in a while he tells me that I will be a "miserable, bitter old woman... all by myself." Its difficult to deflect the barbs and not absorb and process them. Am learning.

 

Thanks for your post. It's very good and concise.

[suprema99]

Have you ever noticed sometimes, when a couple is together for a long time, they both start acting kinda similar to one another? To me, misery loves company means, when you spend alot of time with someone, their personality sorta rubs off on you. And this, is I think is the reason, it's tough for people to move on, cause they'll have to rework alot of things to get back to the state they were at before. I think this is the reason for so many questions on this forum about exe's.

[Shadows Light]

Yes... I have noticed you pick each others traits up. This scares the crap out of me. Some of the traits I've picked up is "Yelling"... and sarchastic barbs, and being overly critical. I've become a person I really don't like and don't want to be. Its just not me... its as if a part of myself was absorbed by him, I've become someone else to respond to his behavior.

We cycled together. There was a book I read.."Dance of Anger" that explains this phenomenia.

 

I'm also afraid of taking this "baggage" into another relationship and becoming the abuser... instead of the abused. wheeew.

 

The thing that works in my favor is being conscience of it. And working on it so it doesn't cycle again.

[suprema99]

Hey shadows, I never read that book, I might check it out. I notice this all the time, when I'm with other couples and stuff.

[fate or freewill]

I would just like to add some things NOT to do that can lead to bad habits that are hard to break:

 

Stay away from excessive drinking, especially the first month.

 

Don't pick-up smoking, it's much harder to stop than it is to start, especially during an emotional crisis.

 

Keep regular sleeping habits, this will help to keep your body and emotions regulated.