Why are Ex's so mean

[De Militarized Zone]

I mean why is it when you go out together you are so nice to one anouther, love each other so much would do anything for each other. And yet when you break up they treat you like trash. i just don't get how you could fall deeply in love with someone then breakup and treat the other person like trash. Like playing with thier minds, makeing you jelous i just don't get it.

 

It hurts me everyday that my Ex is doing that but i just don't get it

[Blackmsmithdave]

im sorry that you have had to go throught this, its never easy breaking up with someone that you love.

 

Your ex might be trying to get over you by being mean, also it depends who broke up with who?

[fate or freewill]

I think they are just trying to distance themselves emotionally and they do that by acting uninterested, aloof or just plain mean.

 

It's a defense mechanism used so that they don't hurt as much inside and they can deal with the situation.

[brando]

it makes me wonder if by being mean as decribed actually brings on more emotional turmoil in the dumper ...i tried hating my ex, it made me feel worse not better.

 

i guess it is all about perspective, maturity, and emotional well being.

[Fif Angel]

I think in many ways it is a sign that they still have feelings for you (not necessarily romantic but that they care about you).

 

I once read that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. In other words if your ex is being mean/abusive/total idiot its probably a sign that deep down inside they still care about you. This confuses them and they feel the need to purge themselves of you, hence the nastiness. It`s an extreme reaction to their confused inner turmoil and paradoxically a sign that they still have feelings for you (note: this doesn`t mean that they want to get back with you).

 

Its a very unpleasant thing to experience but it`s a stage a lot of people go through when they`re trying to get over someone

[struggle4reason]

You know i've wondered the same thing and I've recently found peace in reading psychological/self-help books. I was reading this book "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" and it has a paragraph on how people deal with anything painful that deals with letting go of their emotional desires.

 

It's called the 5 stages of death and dying:

 

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Bargaining

4. Depression

5. Acceptance

 

It states that not everyone will experience every stage or may experience a mixture of each stage...etc....In the end it always ends up with Accpetance. The only way to come to this final stage is time and it is the attachment we have to the desire that determines the length of time (days, months, years).

 

Anger is just one part of the process, you're angry because of your pain and trying to release that pain off onto the one who created it. I can't think of one time where this process hasn't proved to be accurate.

 

They have a passage after this paragraph that has a proverb from a North American tribe "Don't be afraid to cry. It will free your mind of sorrowful thoughts." Crying is part of the depression stage and it helps move the process along.

 

Time is the enemy and the friend.....

 

To bad that all this knowledge doesn't really help anyone feel better or accelerate the process.

[lady00]

If i remember correctly from other posts, your ex is leading you on and using you for attention despite having a boyfriend? That goes beyond normal ex meanness and I think that's why it's so hard for you. She's not just being cold and mean, she's playing mind games and sending mixed messages. Your best bet is to stay far away.

[darkblue]

When you break up from a relationship.. you tend to make the other person seem nasty in your head to make you feel better about breaking up or justifying the reasons for breaking up.

 

The truth is; breaking up is hard on everyone that goes through it.

 

It is just a phase that won't last long and maybe you should think about distancing yourself from the person that is hurting you.

[heloladies21]

When people treat you like your ex is, it means she never truly cared about you anyways. It was all and act, a lie, and you should be very upset about it. That's what happeed to me, I was so mad that someone I cared about so much could hurt me so bad that I didn't even think about wanting to contact her. If you took a step back and looked at the whole situation, you might be able to realize this as well.

[Hope75]

I have to agree with Lady00.

 

At this point the only way she can continue to be mean to you and treat you poorly is if you let her do it.

 

You can put a stop to this if you want to. Don't answer the phone if she calls, or take any emails from her, or contact her yourself.

 

It's the only way you will be able to heal and move on.

 

Don't let her hurt you any longer.

[carolinacowboy81]

I hate hearing about the stuff that you're dealing with. You should just cross the ex out of your life for good because the ex is no good for you anyways. The ex obviously doesn't care about you at all, and you're just wasting your time feeling bad. The ex is obviously a stupid moron who doesn't know what IT had. Yes, I called the ex an IT because the ex is too worthless to be a human being.