Sucidal/Depressed Friend.... with an odd twist....

[doomed_one]

Ok I've had thsi friend who has alway s been a bit "depressive... sometimes talking about wanting to die etc. I, though, not living anymore where he lives, have done my best as the long distance friend, staying up late to im-chat with him He was always a bit anti-social, so this never made things better.

 

Things seemed to get better, and occasionally hed lapse back into his old self, but after a couple days, he seemed ot have gotten better. 4 weeks(+/-) went by, with nothing, life seemed "good" on his side, and I always did my best to avoid talking about anything related to death... but instead I focused on "next year", what courses he'd take, what games would be out, when he would need a new pc... u know, the future

 

2 days ago I come home with a weird message from him, something like "I guess its time I went"... which was odd... but his english can sumtimes get confusing, so I just figured it had nothing to do with it. I played a game, and went back online to take 1hr to chat with him, and then I planned to watch some anime or go to bed(had summer courses the next day). I was about to leave, when he hits me with the usual "life sucks, ugh, die"... so I figrued, here we go again. I sat down, and we chatted a little, and then he started talking about it more.... and added by the 17th. That hit me like a brick, I was like d00d he has to be joking.... I kept my cool though, and I just asked him... you know man, what is really bothering you.... now this guy, he sometimes is too smart for his own good, and he plays the "its a chemical imbalance in my head, that's whats causing this(he hadnt gone to a doctor or anything, just something he himself deduced)", I knew he was trying to give me a quick BS answer. We chatted for a while, and I kept pointing out, no it cant be, something else is bothering you... why the 17th? The usual stuff. I chatted with him a bit more, and then had to leave because it was very late. I decided then it was time to contact his sister. The trouble was that me and his sister were no longer on good terms, and had not spoken in a whiiiiiile.

 

So the next day I get a hold of her, and we had a quick chat, apparently his whole depressive nature was "normal" to her. Then i hit her with a ton of bricks I pulled out the 17th suicide plan, how he had lost interest in some "Secret" 2 thing she wanted to do (he is very secretive in nature, tells me only what he wants me to know... and that is very little), and then I pulled out my secret log file from the previous night. She got a bit freaked out, and went to discuss this with her mom. There it sort of ended... her mom(I believe she is some sort of nurse) for some reason had her send me a site with a suicde faq... I guess it was useful in a way. I told her I'd try to compile any logs I had into 1 file, and send it off later.

 

So today rolls around, and my friend msgs me.... can I say WHAT THE HECK!!!! Total turn around. Now im used to this... his "mood swings",... but this was beyond weird.... it is like the whole death thing never happened. Which is great, I mean hearing him talk about school, and how it will be great once he gets used to the schedule... and his apt... and yada yada.... This is not like him though, it's liek someone took him, and replaced him with a optimistic clone o.O And I'm pretty sure he still has no clue I talked to his sis about this..... but Im worried a little. I wanted to say "See, didnt I tell you life would get better, just got to give it a chance".... but I was too afraid he might do what he sometimes does.... "all of the sudden life sucks again"... and now this leaves me wondering. Was he just messing with me? Did I do the right thing? I'm glad that life is "good" for him, but I feel like an idiot now... this had gone on for 2-3 months... and I finally thought, yes this is the sign, go tell his mom what is going on.... and then, literally the day after, Mr.Sunshine???????????? Hashas this weird on and off suicidal thing... it just worries me a bit. I'm just so frustrated... he jumps around like this, and one moment I am laughing with him, the next I am consoling him.... and I really never know what to do

 

~d1

[xixilovergirlxixi]

sounds like your friend needs to see a doctor. he may have depression and that can be very serious if left alone it needs to be treated( note: you cant fix it) he needs a prfessional. Please write back

[doomed_one]

Well thats why I contacted his mom through his sister, and am getting my log file together so they can see what else he has said It can be just so very frustrating though..... I mean he was such a good friend to me through all these years, and I feel so bad going behind his back. And when he his acting "better", it just makes me feel worse... I wish we could just all be honest with each other, but in this case I know I have to wait till his family finshed what I started(ie confront him directly about this)

 

~d1

[xixilovergirlxixi]

my friend was like this for years and no one did anything about it she ended up killing herself please get your friend help!

[doomed_one]

Doing my best It is hard not living in the same country anymore as your friend, all I can do is talk with him, gather our logs when he chats about this, and send it off Hopefully I will hear back again from his sis soon

 

~d1

[smallworld]

D1, I've been in your situation several times. You did everything right. Don't second guess yourself. Your friend is acting superficially happy-go-lucky at the moment, because his family knows how serious the situation is right now and is confronting him. He's trying to pretend everything's okay, so he can take back control of the situation. Like all of us, a depressed person wants the right to decide his own fate and as long as people are watching him, he feels like he's "trapped" and under surveillance.

 

It's hard to help a suicidal friend long distance, nevertheless when they live in the same town. Keep talking to the family. Keep talking to your friend. Be honest with him. Tell him you know he's hurting inside, no matter what he says and tell him you've known each other too long to BS each other. Keep everyone in the loop. You can't do this alone. Google anti-suicide resources online and come up with a gameplan with the family. It might be time for them to drag him to therapy.

 

But most of all, trust your gut. You know him better than anyone else.

[suprema99]

Hey doomed one. I think it must be his mindset. Everybody's got moods changes throughout the day. But when people start talking about suicide and things, you can't know what to believe. It's a confusing topic. You did the right thing I think by telling his parents about it.

[doomed_one]

Thanks guys, that is a load off my mind knowing that I did the right thing

 

~d1

[Hope75]

Sounds like he might have bipolar disorder, or be manic depressive, where one day you are really up and another you are really down.

 

Either way, he should see a doctor, it's been going on for months, and you were right to tell his sister about it, so his family can be prepared to help him.

 

Good job.

[pizzachick13]

i think you did a really good thing. he sounds like he really needs to get a lot of help. you're doing a great job with talking to him and stuff and i hope that you guys can get him the help he needs.

 

Sappho...