I don't understand his weird behavior

[Johanna81]

ok in a previous post I had written about how I was a little suspicious that my bf might be cheating because of his ex-gf calling and inviting him places anyways to update the situation my BF and I went away together about 2 weeks ago we had a great time he told me how much he loves and how he wants to marry me which he says a lot anyways but since then I've only seen him for like half a day cause he went away with some friends the weekend after that and now this upcoming wknd we were supposed to get together but he called me today and asked if I would mind if he went away with some friends but we would still have plans for the fourth, I was little upset by this and was like ok why dont you just hang out with your friends on the fourth and he got really pissy and hung up on me, so a little while later I went online where he proceeded to get into an argument with me where he called me childish, and other things and then proceeded to tell me how angry he was at me and to not call him or IM him or anything until he got over being mad at me. The only thing I said to him was that he could just hang out with his friends on the 4th not a big deal and then he proceeded to get mad and I was mad because I've dated the guy for a year and a half and he never makes an effort to come visit me I always have to go to his house and we basically only see eachother on wknds, On weeknights he usually either works late or hangs out with his friends (the same ones he went away with last wknd and the one's he's going away with this wknd) and we'll usually spend the wknds together but lately it seems like he's trying to phase me into a once a week kind of thing.

 

I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this phasing out thing or anything similar to this and what happened

[arwen]

Hey Johanna,

 

I think this guy does not deserve your trouble. I think that even if you would really want to be with him, breaking up with him might be the best choice. If he really wants to be with you he will start to fight to win you back-- if not you know you were right in breaking up.

 

Maybe it's a bit too practically seen, I know you must be going through hell because of this. But I also know the endlesness of relationships where the guy is simply to lazy to break up with you. I think it's best for your self-esteem to see what YOU are getting out of this relationship- which is clearly far from what you need.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[xmrth]

My boyfriend can also only see me on weekends because of work-- but he doesn't hang out with his friends during the week instead of with me. He sees them after he sees me, if he's even going to see them at all, which like I said, he's only got time for a social life on weekends as well as a life with me. Maybe you could have your boyfriend see you on the days he'll see his friends? Can you go to him?

I've got other questions...

Does he always see his friends like this during the year and a half you've been together? Going away two weekends in a row?

And what about his ex-girlfriend-- does he ignore her and not accept her invitations?

[kskm]

I agree but dis agree.

 

If you want to be with him why not call him and appologize for being childish in your remarks twords 4th of July- we all know what you were trying to do there- and then ask him to go along with him. That way he is with his friends and you.

 

If you don't want to be with him then dump him, that easy- but don't dump him to see if he comes running back to you- I think that that's playing games.

[lady00]

I agree but dis agree.

 

If you want to be with him why not call him and appologize for being childish in your remarks twords 4th of July- we all know what you were trying to do there-

 

I agree with Kskm...I would do what she suggests. It seems that you only made the 4th of July remark because you were mad that you weren't going to spend the weekend with him, not because you really wanted him to spend it with his friends instead of you. He wanted to see you and because of the argument he's angry and doesn't want to anymore. My advice is try and see things from his perspective...he wanted to hang out with his friends AND you over the holiday weekend and when he tried to make that happen you snapped at him. I get that you wish you could spend more time with him and I think that makes perfect sense but arguing with him is not the way to do it...ppl don't respond well to that and it usually just makes them mad.

[Johanna81]

I would like to talk to him but he was pretty adament about not talking to him until he's ready and I don't really want to be further into an argument then I am also if I do call he'll just ignore them or tell me to stop calling him also the fact of the matter is not that I was being childish it's more to the point that he's seen his friends at least 10 times in the past two weeks and he's only made an effort to see me for half a day that wasn't even planned if his plans hadn't fallen through I wouldn't have seen him at all. I honestly just find it to be weird behavior it's like he's bored with me or something and that hurts my feelings and he just gets angry if I ever mention anything negative about our relationship.

[btbt]

While canceling the fourth of July plans last minute might have been a little hasty, Johanna81 has some legitimate complaints here. If he is always too busy to see you, you have to sit him down (instead of playing games) and find out what's up. If he only has excuses and it makes you unhappy that he won't make time for you, then he's got to change, you have to compromise, or both of you have to move on. When a guy gets too busy, that's a bad sign. Sure, there are legitimate reasons but this dude has plenty of time to spend with his friends while neglecting his girlfriend.