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please, did i do well?

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so i have been having a casual, up and down ride with this guy for months now....he doesnt want a relationship so i 'settled' for the stage below it----we've both been home from school and i told myself i wouldnt contact him. Whenever i got online he would IM me...one time he even said "i just wanted to tell you that i miss talking to you and seeing you"....one night i got a phone call from him just telling me stories about his day, how he went out to dinner for his sister's bday etc.


Clearly, i dont think im the only one who has emotional ties in this 'relationship' of ours...Anyways, i was heading into the city one night and since he lives there he asked if i could call him if i do end up going in. And so I did, he met me and my friends and we all went to his apartment. I stayed the night and it was incredible.when we were kissing he stopped and looked at me and told me "i missed you so much"


The next day i knew exactly what i got myself into....the cycle again! now i wanted more from him , for him to tell me the next day how much he liked being with me etc. We had a fine convo but i wanted MORE. I wanted him to focus all of his attention on our convo but it took a while for him to respond. He did ask me if i had a good night but i wanted more more more. That same night i IMed him and just opened up.....


I told him that i have too many feelings for him to do this casual thing. I always feel like i set myself up to get hurt.


He said he loves spending time wth me but the last thing he wants to do is hurt me....i asked him what he wants..and he said "i dont know if i want anything, sometimes i really want to [get more serious with you] and sometimes i tell myself that i don't" ...clearly he has some problems that came out of his last relationship, hes so scared of relationships now...and honetly i dont know if hes fully over the ex whom he dumped


so then i said...well all these different feelings of yours reflect as all different mixed messages to me...


after a lttle he had to go and all i said was "i have one request, dont give me anymore mixed signals pleeease" i ended it civily by saying "hope your day in work is better tomorrow, goodnight"


ok, now do you guys think this was good of me to do? is it a good segway for NC? because now i kinda just want to disappear to 1) emotinally dettach myself and 2) to make him think.....what do you guys think

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It's clear what you told him & it's fair to give him NC if you don't see any potential serious relationship b/w you 2 anytime soon. If he is stuck on his past & can't seem to move forward, then you are cheating yourself out of meeting many other great potential guys who are ready for something more that you want as well!

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A good way to do this is to always tell him what YOU want. If you want a relationship then you say this. It's up to them if they want that too...or if they want to see you again with hopes of getting there.


If he says he doesn't ( just like he said) then you have to walk away.. otherwise you betray yourself-- and men respect a woman who stands her ground, even with him. He can always change his mind ( if he misses you enough) and go from there.


We should be as good as our word---or we risk losing our self-respect.

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Hi! Im sorta feelin what muneca said. Youve stated what you want, and he needs to decide what he wants.


Its SO HARD to let those emotions go, esspecially when he misses you he comes to you. Its like a drug. Its so hard to stand that ground and let him go if he doesnt want a relationship, but i think you should try.


I really hope everything will turn out well!!!

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