And Closure Comes; time to put this one to bed, thanks all!

[alphonsefa]

Well, I guess you have to some times beat something to death before it just withers away and dies. I've received a lot of great advice here the past 8 months and thank everyone who has taken the time to read my story and reply to my posts. Who would've thought that total strangers could offer you more compassion and caring than someone you not only offered your heart to, but a future brighter than anything she could ever have imagined. You guys and gals have been great.

 

After 3 1/2 months, my ex-girlfriend, who vowed to never call me again, picked up the phone to "see how I was doing". The conversation we had was kept extremely light and really only focused on our careers, what she has been doing and what I've been doing; no discussion of our personal lives at all, such as are you seeing anyone, or what have you been doing with your free time. The call lasted about 10 minutes and when she said, "well I just called to see how you were doing"; I used it as an out for our conversation and said, "well it was good hearing from you, take care", and we said goodbye. Though I initially was flattered by the call, I didn't know whether she was throwing out a feeler to see if I hated her, or just a lonely soul looking for peaceful voice in a sea mayhem, which is her personal life. At the breakup, I told her, "next time you get depressed, don't F'ing call me". I was sick of being her crutch everytime she got lonely, and doubtful, of her decision to cast me from her life. But as I started to think about it, it began to really anger me that she would call me for something as frivilous and stupid as that. This is a girl that didn't want me in her life, and suddenly after 3 1/2 months, she has a concern for my welfare?!

 

Ten more days passed and there was no more contact between us. I was well into getting over her before her phone call, there were days that would pass that she was totally our of my thoughts. After her call, I felt like I took a step back. I didn't chase after her or call her, I never did during the relationship. Why do you call someone who you dodn't want in your life? So today, 10 days after her call, I stopped by at the mall store where she works. When she turned and saw me, she was surprised to say the least. She said, "what are you doing here"? I said, "I was on my way home from work and just stopped by to say hi". She greeted me with a very casual hug and half heartedly said, "it's good to see you". The conversation again was light, no discussion of who is dating who or anything like that. What struck me odd was she made it a point to tell me that the abusive ex-boyfriend, who her brothers had beat up, got a court settlement of $8500 from them. In addition to that, the Ex had made her Mother testify in the case. She made it a point to tell me that she had called the Ex when she discovered her Mom was being drug into it, and ended the conversation in a screaming fight. Why she told me this is betond me, she knows I think her Ex is the scum of the earth for physically and mentally abusing her, and ny the way he conducts himself.

 

During our conversation, she made reference to an expensive candle she had bought me. I said, "yeah, I still have that candle". She said, "you should use it". I said, "I do use it"! Then she threw a line from left field at me, she said in a sarcastic manner, "yeah, you probably use it with all of the girls you bring over there". So I shot back in my best, sarcastic, humorous, way by saying, "totally". Well I got a look and an eye roll that would've stopped a clock. But then we just rolled the conversation onto another topic. At the end she said, "well I should get back to work". So I abruptly cut things short by saying, "well it was good seeing you, take care". She offered the same, "it was good seeing you too" line.

 

Why did I stop to see her when I know there is zero chance of repairing the unrepairable? For my peace of mind. I don't want her checking on me or keeping me hanging on. Knowing her somewhat, I knew it would draw a final line in the sand and end this back and forth game. She doesn't want me, I doubt she ever did, but for whatever reason she keeps coming back to me. She's come back 3 times, and I've never been the one to instigate the comebacks, she would just slowly creep back into my life each time. What did I hope to gain? Closure, a chance to hopefully stir up old emotions that I hope will haunt her for years to come. Call it petty, but I do want her second guessing her decisions again, even though it's something that I'll never know the answer to.

 

Knowing that she won't call again, because it would be a certain sign that she wants back, something her pride and ego couldn't tolerate or admit. And more importantly, knowing that it's "game over" for me with regards to initiating anymore contact; things have finally come to a sad end. I just didn't like the open ended nature of her phone call, and wanted to close that avenue off without blatantly telling her not to call me. I figured any emotion or anger I showed over the turn of events between us, would've looked petty on my end. So now I've handed the hot potato back to her. If you don't want any more surprise visits then don't call me to make yourself feel better when you get depressed or lonely. That was the first I had seen her in 4 months, and have the feeling that it will be the last, as there is no reason for either one of us to contact each other again.

 

So the game is over for me, I just don't have the energy or the time to invest in a relationship that I already gave everything too. In addition, just the short conversation we had was a cold reminder of the chaos and turmoil that she would suck me into. Am I sad? Yes! Sad that she threw such a bright future away. But hey, that's life, and I certainly don't want a relationship with someone that repeatedly pulled me in and then pushed me away. I'm fairly certain that's the last I'll hear from her, and this thread will be the last you'll hear of me. Thanks for all of your input and support, and good luck to you all.

[fantasia2004]

God bless you. I am very happy for you.

[Rainz]

All the best to you, take care.