red flag?

[kungfumaster]

hi everyone,

 

i have been dating this girl for roughly a month now (we're currently long distance, but only for 2 months because she's working in another city for 2 months), and there were two occasions where we agreed i'd phone her at a certain time, but then she wasn't there, or didn't pick up the phone??

 

the first time this happened, she was helping her roomate get over a "cheating situation" - which is okay, but would it have killed her just to pick up the phone when i called and just say "can i call you back because i'm taking care of a friend in need now"?

 

the second time she didn't pick up the phone was just last night. maybe i'm just a stickler, and maybe she has a legit reason why she didn't answer the phone, but still, i just can't help but feel why its so hard for someone to just say "i'm busy, can i talk to you later".

 

i don't know, maybe i'm just old, but i feel so disrespected whenever someone agrees to talk to me or meet me but doesn't "show up" so to speak. i like this girl, but these actions (or nonactions in this case) is beginning to lessen my fondness of her.

 

is it her or me?? is this a big red flag at the beginning of something?

 

 

i'm just

wondering maybe if this is a red flag, or i should just wave it away

[punchy504]

well, she might be a rather inconsiderate person, or she might have gotten tied up with other things, probably right now your best option might be to just tell her what you expect out of a relationship= ph are you guys actually bf/gf? that could make a difference too.

[shorty20]

i think that although not answering the phone when she knows you're going to call is kind of shady and does lead you to question her committment to the relationship, it could also just be a fluke that it happened twice. I would make sure that you are honest with her... tell her that it makes you wonder how serious she is when she knows you're going to call but dosen't answer... and you're right, it dosen't take much to just pick up the phone to say you'll call back... at least then you're not left wondering why she didn't answer.... but then again if you bring it up this early it may seem to her like you're needy. I wouldn't go to her angry at her for not answering, I would just your concerns... tell her that you're not making a big deal out of it but that you are always completley honest in a relationship, and that it did kind of bug you that it happened two times in such a short time span. Long distance relationships can work but it takes just that.... work... on both parts, not just yours... just voice your concerns in a non-threatening, non-confrontational way and let her know how you feel... aside from that there's not much else you can do... good luck!

[Nkaleidoscopic]

Keep in mind that it might be just an honest mistake, I have a friend who does that alot. I do feel disrespected, but the best thing is to talk it out and not argue.

[DN]

I think it is a red flag you should talk about with her.

 

When you are in an ldr and you have agreed to talk on the phone at a certain time, it's very much like a date - it's the closest thing you can get to one anyway. On that premise, she stood you up. Twice.

[Spirits Away]

In these situations, think only of yourself. Who cares whether it's really a coincidence. Doesn't stop her from phoning you back. You can give it one more try if you want. But 3 times should be your limit.

[kungfumaster]

thanks guys for your response.

 

so, i talked to her, and it just seemed like a whole bunch of excuses to be honest. i told her how i felt.

 

even though she knew i was coming to see her in the city where she works, she conveniently accepts to work extra hours at her job on the exact times when i'm there, so i won't be able to see her this weekend.

 

needless to say, i'm majorly angry and i give up. i can't feel but angry that at my age, i am still putting up with this cr@p so to speak. i guess its my own fault too since i'm the one who chose her. i have to be careful who i pursue.

 

i think i'm going to take a break from dating for a while. i'm just tired of all the drama.

[Spirits Away]

Exactly, it's all about who you chose. I get the sense that you see the whole picture, even in the face of emotional stress. It is a good idea to get away from all of it. Good luck next time.

[MetallicAguy]

Not interested? Catch more of this happening, you can bet she isn't interested anymore .

[MetallicAguy]

That's why you don't pick up some random hot chick off the street and take her out on a date.

 

Get to be friends with her for a least a month so you don't become "buddies" then do your asking. If a month isn't enough 90 days is good enough. But I think that's kind of long, but hey that's the maximum I think.