She thinks I am straight

[Help_Needed]

Here is my story. I have been hiding my feeling for women for a long time. I have dated guys and always felt like something was not right. However, I have never pursued women because I feared many things, but most of all I never knew if they were lesbian or straight. Well, now I am interested in a friend of mine and I know that she is a lesbian. I do not know what to do. She thinks I am straight. These feelings came out when my brother, his girlfriend, the girl I am interested in, one other lesbian, and me went to a lesbian club. I didn't know what to think. The girls introduced us as the straight people. I laughed it off. As I watched this girl interact and move about the club, I was so captivated by her. Only by her though. I could have cared less about the other women there. Truthfully, I didn't want anybody but her to ask me to dance, but I just stood there and acted like the straight girl in a gay club. This was about two weeks ago. A week ago, I could not hold in my feelings anymore. I went to my brother's girlfriend and talked to her about what I was feeling. So many things running through my mind, I needed someone to talk to. She is a very open-minded person and was very supportive. She works with the girl and they are good friends also. She thinks very highly of this person. However, she was not sure on how I should approach it. For one thing, I have never been with a women, and I don't know if these feelings are just strong "Friend" feelings or if I really do like her. Will kissing and having sexual contact change my mind about the feelings I am having for her? I don't want to just come out to her and not know for sure if she is interested in me and if I know that I am truly interested in her. My brother's girlfriend thought that I could experiment with another girl before acting on these feelings. Like I said before, I am only interested in her and could not think about being with anybody else. I need help. I don't get to see her very often and it is killing me inside. We just email back and forth every once in awhile. What do I do? Any input would be helpful. Thanks!

[Meow18]

How about you ask this girl you like for advice? You could tell her that you are confused about your feelings and you could ask her how she knew she was a lesbian. If this girl is open about talking about it, then that might really help you.

[patience]

I suggest that you get to know her better in person. Ask her out to coffee, or to lunch, that sort of thing. Become friends with her. Find out if the two of you are even compatible before you get in too deep. Do you even know her well enough to have real feelings for her, or are you simply physically attracted to her? Maybe this is a crush?

 

Coming out is a process, and there is no hurry.

 

Also, don't worry about the 'straight' label. A lesbian or bi woman can tell when another woman is attracted to her. Maybe stop labelling yourself. Just be who you are!

[Help_Needed]

Yes, I know her pretty well. I used to work at the same place she does, and we play softball together. I don't get to see her often now because our season is over with. We will see what happens. Like you said it is a process, and I am willing to wait. My feelings are that strong for her.

[patience]

Okay, well that's good that you know her!

 

Why not call her up and ask her to do something together? She is single, right? You have NOTHING to lose!

[Help_Needed]

Yes, she is single. I do not know how to go about it? I don't want to ruin anytime of relationship I could have with her. I had a hard time approaching men. I am having an even harder time approach women.

[patience]

Do you have her phone number?

[Help_Needed]

I do not. I just have her work email. We just communicate through email, when we go out with mutual friends, and softball.

[patience]

Could you maybe through a dinner party, and invite her and some of your other mutual friends? Maybe a summer bash or something like that? Maybe you would feel less shy with others around?

[Help_Needed]

That's a good idea! My brother's girlfriend would definitely help me figure out the details. Why do relationships have to be so difficult?!?!

[patience]

Good luck!

[Help_Needed]

Well, last night we got to see each other. She had offered to help me go look for some furniture for my new place that I will be moving into soon (which will be close to her). I was so nervous, but I felt comfortable with her at the same time (Hard to explain). We went to the furniture store and then she asked if I wanted to go to dinner. We went to dinner and it was so nice to talk and get to know each other in a different situation. Then we went back to her place to watch TV and chat. This whole time, she still didn't know how I felt about her or even that I am pretty sure that I am a lesbian. However, I got mix signals from her. She asked me question like who my favorite actress was and what girl I liked best on this one show. Plus, she told me about this weekend and the Pride Parade. I asked questions about it, but still didn't have the never to come out to her. Is this anything or am I jsut being weird? I asked how she knew that she was gay. Almost everything she said I could relate with. It was so weird. I want to talk to her about how I have been second guessing my sexual preferences, but I am not ready to let her know of my feelings for her. Should I go for it and call her and tell her I need to talk to her? You would think that I would be able to make my own decisions, but I guess I need some reassurance.

[patience]

Call her

She likes you.

[Help_Needed]

What makes you think that? Just curious.

[patience]

...because she is making real efforts to get to know you.

 

Has the Pride Parade happened there yet? If not, why not ask to go with her?

 

 

 

[Help_Needed]

I was going to, but I have other friends coming into town and they wont be leaving until early evening sat. They will be spending the whole day there. So, they will be pretty intoxicated, and I am scared so I wont make up any other excuses.

[patience]

why do you feel scared?

[Help_Needed]

I guess because this is all new to me. I currently live with family and I feel like I am hiding from them. So, it is so much more then persuing her, it is admitting to myself that this is all real. Meeting her this weekend would just put me that much closer to the real life that I know I need to be living, and it is scarey.

[patience]

I see.

 

Is your family accepting? How do they feel about gay people?

[Help_Needed]

Oh yes, they are very understanding, accepting, and opened-minded. I am very fortunate in that case. It is like I am finally admitting to myself, and that was difficult. I can't imagine telling anybody, but her and my brother's girlfriend.

[patience]

Well, you don't have to tell anyone. That's your choice.

 

A lot of people go to Pride, including supportive straight people. Pride can be a lot of fun, and you'll meet all sorts of interesting people.

 

Okay...so did you give her your phone number Did you get hers?

 

You could call her just to talk, and just be open. She may ask you out! Be sure to thank her for helping out and for dinner, if you haven't already done so. Treat her how you would want someone to treat you.

 

*breathe* and enjoy the ride!

 

p.s. When she was asking questions, she was trying to figure out what sort of woman you are attracted to. That's a good sign!

[Help_Needed]

I have her phone number. I am going to see if she is busy tonight. We will see what happens. If anything I will just get some advice on how to handle my feelings. I am not sure if I am going to confess my feelings for her just yet. One step at a time.

 

Breathing Lots!!!

 

Thanks Patience!!! Your help has really made me feel more comfortable about my felings!

[Help_Needed]

Well, we met that night and I talked to her about how I have been feeling about my attraction for women. She was great! She comforted me and told me that everything was going to work itself out. She gave me advice and shared her own stories. She also kept asking if I was interested in anyone. I really wanted to tell her that it was her I was intrested in, but didn't know how. So, I just avoided the subject. I felt so comfortable with her, and I got this feeling like she was flirting with me. Well, to end the night, we kissed and it was amazing. I guess she figured me out! We are taking thing slow to see what happens. I now know that my feelings are real for her. I can't wait to see what happens for us.

 

Thanks Patience for all your help. I hope I can be as helpful for others in the future as you have been for me. Maybe you can help in the future when I am ready to tell my parents. I will keep you posted.

[patience]

I knew she liked you!

 

It's good that you will take things slow. If you start to feel scared or uncomfortable at any point, talk to her openly and honestly. Don't rush, and don't do anything you're not ready to do. Open communication is really important.

 

Good luck!