Think he still thinks about me

[TheBecksterKid]

About a few years ago I met my best friend. We turned out to be the bestest friends, we used to spend everyday together, we used to share everything, secrets, we would always stick up for one another, and we would have so much in common, we really shared great times together. About half a year later we fell in love and decided to go out promising we'd stay best friends if anything where to happen. Our love grew more intense, and I become emotionally attached to him, I never felt anything this strong before. We soon after got engaged, and he gave me a really nice ring. Everything was so perfect, we went everywhere together/ did everything together, we WHERE INSEPARABLE. We talked to each other day after day, I was having the best time of my life, wishing these moments never ended yet still Fearing For the worst. (I can get very neurotic, I don't believe I'm that mentally healthy)

On June the 14th, when I went to talk t o him at school that day, he seemed different. I asked him what was wrong and he told me directly and clear He was BORED!!!!!!! Bored of me! I was devistated, I cried for months and months, I was emotionally Destroyed. The worst thing is after that day he didn't even care about still being friend with me or Anything. In fact He told my friends that he didn't even like me AS a friend. How can He forget All the good times we had, everything we shared, All in ONE DAY, while a few years pass and whenever reminded of him I still feel the need to die, like a neverending nightmare. How is it possible to just forget Everything, and not care about the person. At Least in most relationships the couple still Care/ think about each other, but it seems like he doesn't at all. I think my missery made him feel better about himself, and more superior in a way. I remember he always seemed to try to act like he didn't care about anything, or he liked to be emotionaless. Anyway, I'm not finished yet, After that incident I felt I lost myself, I got into deep deep depression at times, I've felt as if reality was fake ( Its hard to explain, but it made me feel like it didn't matter if I was alive or dead which was pretty depressing) It would go on and off, Over time later I became Nuerotic, often found myself having anxiety/ terror attacks, And recently I've been finding so much about myself that I never knew. I also became bisexual,I also became Transgendered. ( I was always a big tomboy, and i always liked to feel like a guy) but now im into fully crossdressing pretty much, and actually considering myself a guy, For some reason I feel as if I HATE SOCIETY, and I have suffered with a very low self esteem and have had feelings of mutilating myself.

 

My questions are. Do you think he still thinks about me and that maybe he's putting up a giant front? How can someon ejust forget everything THat easily. I mean He was my first love.

 

Do you think my Giant change over this year had anything to do with the tragic breakup. I'm suddenly realizing that I may not be mentally stable anymore, and Perhaps its because if I do have a personality disorder, and something bad happens My personality pretty much dies out and everything collapses.

 

Has anyone had simular experiences?

 

Since then I've been grasping onto seriouse relationships, I am terrorized by the thought of being divorced or alone, I feel the NEED to have someone by my side who's stable. I feel if I don't have this , I will be suicidal. I will feel like there is no point to living, and maybe not suicidal but I will be in deep deep depression. I can't help it.

Can this be a symptom of a mental disorder, or a chemical imbalancement?

Please anyone with experiences , im just trying to get my stuff figuired out. I have lost it a few times , Yesterday night I finally grounded myself, its weird, its as if it all 'clicked' and i touched ground after months of obsession/ compulsive activity/ confusion/ anxiety attacks/ self mutilization/ LOW LOW self esteem/ Lying/ blowing things way out of porportion/ annoyed easily/ being EXTREMELY unreasonable.

[DN]

Are you seeing a therapist?

[Hope75]

Can this be a symptom of a mental disorder, or a chemical imbalancement?

 

Everything you've described does. I seriously think you need to find a good therapist you can trust, and possibly be put on some medication to help control your moods.

[TheBecksterKid]

how r they symptoms?