To Tell or Not To Tell???? Help!!!

[been21]

Okay so HERE'S the story.

A couple of months ago me and my boyfriend started having problems. Basically I thought he was cheating on me. And it ended up being true. The person who finally told me the truth was one of his friends. Anyhow...his friend the one that told me, liked me. Yep. He basically said that he didn't think it was fair what he was doing to me etc. And to be honest i had always thought that the friend...was a cool guy. Anyhow I dumped my boyfriend and me and his friend starting to see each other.

My ex had NO IDEA. In the two months me and the friend were together...he and my ex pretty much strayed away. They didn't hang out as much. So after a while me and the friend pretty much just parted ways. We didn't really have anything WOW.

Noww....Me and my ex (YES the one who cheated) are trying to work things out. Things are going great. I Never stopped loving him...but i just had to leave. Anyhow he's sorry about everything...and yeah sooo BASICALLY I'm nervous that the Crap is going to come out that i was with his friend.

His friend had told me that WE Would never tell him. He felt bad about the whole thing....he didn't want to loose his friendship. Etc. He said that not even if we didn't work out or anything would i be able to tell him. Believe me it was hard not to mush it in his face, when i was still upset about him cheating on me. I'm not sure if the friend will tell my ex. I know that other than him and another friend...knew about us.

I don't think i can tell my ex, what happened. He'd never want to get back together. What do all think i should do.

Part of me wants to call the friend and tell him that me and so-and so are getting back together...and see if he says anyhing. But they are not really friends anymore...so i don't know if i should worry. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH please everyone give me advice.

[punchy504]

you guys were broken up- you owe him no explainations for what happened when you weren't with him. I wouldn't lie about it, but it's not something you should feel obligated to offer up either.

 

and if you guys are hoping partner to partner like that it may be a good idea for you both to have some tests done- just to make sure everyone is healthy-

[been21]

Well.....When me and my ex were still togher me and the guy started to see each other. Basically i was still in love with him...and didn't know if i wanted to leave him. SOOOO....Yeah i cheated on him with his friend for about two weeks. Then i finally dumped him.

 

When me and the ex started talking again...i had told him that i had been seeing someone. Obviously i didnt' tell him that it was his frined. I just said a guy. I know he'd be MAD if he found out. He'd start to piece things together...and know that his friend liked me, that his friend told me about his infidelity, etc, etc, etc.

 

Yep I got tested and happy to say I'm clean!

[been21]

Well.....When me and my ex were still togher me and the guy started to see each other. Basically i was still in love with him...and didn't know if i wanted to leave him. SOOOO....Yeah i cheated on him with his friend for about two weeks. Then i finally dumped him.

 

When me and the ex started talking again...i had told him that i had been seeing someone. Obviously i didnt' tell him that it was his frined. I just said a guy. I know he'd be MAD if he found out. He'd start to piece things together...and know that his friend liked me, that his friend told me about his infidelity, etc, etc, etc.

 

Yep I got tested and happy to say I'm clean!

[misery12]

so you cheated on him? as well...

 

um, things aren't adding up.

You dumped him because you found out he cheated on you, but for 2 weeks you were cheating on him??

 

You are basically in his shoes now.. if he finds out you cheated on him as well.. and with his friend.. he will NOT want you back, unless he settles like that.

 

From what I hear, you did worse to him, than he did to you..

your best bet would be to tell him the truth, if he finds out through a friend like you did.. you know the results.

Tell him face to face... and say you couldn't keep this from him if you two were going to get back together.

 

Hope he understands.. and pray you both can put this behind you.

[Hope75]

I may be alone in the room here, but I think you should tell him. Because, it is not just anyone that you dated, it was his friend, and he may inevitably find out one way or another, better it come from you.

 

Your relationship in the past was based on cheating and lies. If you are really going to give the relationship a fair chance, you need to be honest with each other this time, and that includes you.

[been21]

Yeah...i know i should. I just don't know if i can. A part of me wants to because i don't want him to find out through someone else. Another part of me obviously doesn't because the chance he might find out is slim. So of course I'd rather just keep my mouth shut...and pray to god it never comes out. Yet...i you guys are right i should start off with a clean slate.

Then again...if i do should i tell the friend????? I mean what if he gets upset that i told on him. I don't know....???

[Hope75]

if you truly love this man and want to give it an honest effort, which is the only way a relationship can survive and be healthy, you need to tell him.

 

Regardless of what the chances are of him finding out if you don't tell him, this is his friend, and you are now his gf, and your responsibility is to be honest with your bf. Think of it this way, how did you feel when he lied to you?

 

It is going to eat at you if you don't tell him.

[kazman32]

If you want the realtionship to work you are going to have to start being honest with each other.As hard and painful as it might be,your going to have to come clean.

[been21]

HOLLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ok, so yesterday me and my ex (the one i'm trying to work things out with) were hanging out.

He ends up meeting with....none other than the guy who was friends with the friend.

When he saw me he couldn't believe it. He smirked....and looked at me like "what the hell". I can't tell u how uncomfortable i was!!

So he was hanging out with my ex's sister, who he lives with. I don't think they're that close of friends. They just "use" each other for favors.

Anyhow...he was over there for awhile...and he kind of hinted stuff at me. Like they were talking about the friend, whom my ex hasn't spoken to in a long time. The friend would just look at me.

Then to make it more f up..that afternoon...the friend..the one i was with after my ex, texed me. It said something like: are u mad? why haven't u called me.

Anyhow today i call him, after 3 weeks of no communication. I basically was like hey, I'm not mad at u, i just didn't feel like we were working out. Then i told him that i was speaking to my ex again. He took it well, (like i said he didn't seem to interested in me) so we just talked and he said that he wouldn't say anything....so i feel better. I don't know if the friend will say anything...i doubt it. Like i said before, they have been friends longer....i guess if my ex finds out, I'll just have to deal with it then.

[been21]

HOLLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ok, so yesterday me and my ex (the one i'm trying to work things out with) were hanging out.

He ends up meeting with....none other than the guy who was friends with the friend.

When he saw me he couldn't believe it. He smirked....and looked at me like "what the hell". I can't tell u how uncomfortable i was!!

So he was hanging out with my ex's sister, who he lives with. I don't think they're that close of friends. They just "use" each other for favors.

Anyhow...he was over there for awhile...and he kind of hinted stuff at me. Like they were talking about the friend, whom my ex hasn't spoken to in a long time. The friend would just look at me.

Then to make it more f up..that afternoon...the friend..the one i was with after my ex, texed me. It said something like: are u mad? why haven't u called me.

Anyhow today i call him, after 3 weeks of no communication. I basically was like hey, I'm not mad at u, i just didn't feel like we were working out. Then i told him that i was speaking to my ex again. He took it well, (like i said he didn't seem to interested in me) so we just talked and he said that he wouldn't say anything....so i feel better. I don't know if the friend will say anything...i doubt it. Like i said before, they have been friends longer....i guess if my ex finds out, I'll just have to deal with it then.