shorty20 Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 I've just started dating this guy again. We dated before about two years ago, but I broke up with him because a) I wasn't ready for another relationship yet ( had just gotten out of a 3-year relationship) and b) he was too shy! I know that sounds so bad, because he's the sweetest guy in the world, but I couldn't get him to open up and feel comfortable around me. Now, I don't consider myself an intimidating person, so I have no idea how to get past this stage. He just seems real uptight around me. I don't want to throw away something potentially really good just because he's a little shy, so I'm just wondering how we can get past this stage? How can I get him to make some steps towards becoming closer to me without coming on too strong? He hasn't even attempted to kiss me yet and it's been prolly about two or so weeks since we've been talking again... I've never experienced this before. It's always been the guy coming on too strong and now it's the opposite, and I have no idea how to handle it. Any suggestions? Any shy guys that got past their shyness??? Anything would help.. just looking for ways to get him to open up and not be so shy and reserved around me... Link to comment
RageChemist Posted June 12, 2005 Share Posted June 12, 2005 I will say what i think from my point of view We nice shy guys are like this 1 u got, me myself hmm i open to people when i spend more time with them, after a while the shynes thing will come to past but do not rush him becouse he could be scared and everything will be much slower. We r the shy guys we aren't rushing becouse we r scared that we may lost the girl for witch we fell something. Thats my point of view, u should w8 a while Link to comment
mr sad Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 firstly if you truly like this guy be patient, stick with him and dont lose interest. apologies but i will speak from experience. i am very shy still to this day, its down to inexperience girls and poor self confidence. this could be the case with your guy. i would say to get past it spend more time with him and the little things like smiling and holding hands. he may be holding back because he may feel that your not serious about him or hes diddled with self doubt, could be anything (theyre the reasons for my shyness). but if you are serious, bare with him and dont lose interest. he will appreciate you not giving up i assure you. just keep trying, dont be disheartened. - mr sad Link to comment
ShySoul Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 What everyone else said, be around him more and he should start to open up. It's been two weeks and he hasn't kissed you. Perhaps he likes you so much that he is afraid of overstepping boundaries and doesn't want to seem like he is going to fast or pushing himself on you. Maybe he is nervous because things didn't work before and he is unsure if it will work this time or if you'll just break up with him again. That's hard for a guy, especially a shy one, to realize he messed up once and be afraid he'll do it again. Are you just sitting back expecting him to make the moves or are you actively trying to get things going? Since you know how shy he is, you shouldn't just sit back and do nothing. He needs signs of encouragement. There's nothing stopping you from kissing him, or letting him know how much you want a kiss. If he sees that you want him to act, that could push him into action. Link to comment
MetallicAguy Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Maybe he really isn't shy, maybe he just isn't interested in you and doesn't know what to say to tell you he isn't feelin' it. If he's shy around other women, it's probably because they seem intimidating. Sorry if that sounded harsh. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 well metallica guy, I think that I would know if he wasn't interested. He shows interest in me by calling me, asking me out, and although he is very shy, he will sit real close with me and hold my hand while we're watching a movie, but thats as far as he's pushed so far. It was a good idea to make some moves myself, the only problem is that I don't know how. Lol, I know that sounds bad, but I've never had to before, the guy always did, so I really don't know how to be assertive and initiate things. I am taking my time with him, and trying to spend as much time with him as I can, even if it is just for an hour or two, I try to see him because our schedules are so busy and clash alot of the time, so I do see him whenever possible. Any suggestions on how I could get him to move farther, or how I should make the first move to maybe loosen him up and show him that I want it?? I've never been in this situation before where I even had to worry about making the first move, so it's all kinda hard for me..... Link to comment
kalsman Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 So the other night I was at this girl's house and when we were watching a movie she put my arm around her and cuddled up against me. I have to admit that it was real nice having her sitting that close to me. After the movie she looked up at me and just kissed me. It was a really sweet kiss that lead to a lot more but she made the initive and it was glorious. Also there is always a lot of playful touching between the two of us (pats on the butt, running your hands through eachothers hair (my personal favorite) or quick neck/hand massages. If hes into you...and it sounds like he is...he will appreciate your advances. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted June 13, 2005 Author Share Posted June 13, 2005 thanx alot... maybe I'll just be a bit more aggressive the next time we hang out... it's just weird for me, lol. But I've heard that guys also appreciate it when girls make the first move.... but then again some guys get intimidated... man now i'm confusing myself again, lol. I guess i'll just go with it and see how I feel... if it feels right I'll make a move... Link to comment
JRM Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 I often find myself suddenly comfortable around girls who make me laugh. I know that it's supposed to be a reversed thing, but humor on both parts can be a gateway to a whole new breaking ground. Link to comment
smallworld Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Hey Shorty, weren't you just posting about wanting to take things slowly? Ok my skills are rusty, but from what I remember when you're shy, the first kiss seems like an insurmountable step. So start small and slowly turn up the heat! Over several dates try playing with his hair, holding hands, tickling, snuggling, feeling up his biceps when he flexes, pinching his behind, and last but not least sneaking up behind him and giving him full body hugs. Any excuse to touch him! If he responds positively, go for the jugular: The next time he does something really adorable, grab him and give him a sweet peck on the cheek. By this point he should get the idea that you like him A LOT and have gotten up the courage to reciprocate. Let him make the next move. He just might surprise you! Link to comment
shorty20 Posted June 14, 2005 Author Share Posted June 14, 2005 lol, yea smallworld, but by taking things slow, I didn't think it would take 3 or 4 dates to just get a kiss! I meant more along the lines of waiting a while to sleep with him.... but good ideas guys.. thanx alot... we did get a little more "touchy feely" when we hung out on sunday... i rented a scary movie thinking it might break the ice and lets us get a little closer when it got scary, but it turned out to be the worst movie ever... but he did try to tickle me, etc.... we're making progress, but I got some good ideas from you all, so thanx again! Link to comment
smallworld Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Hey Shorty, tickling's good! Sounds like you're in very capable hands! 8) None of my biz of course, but I think it's great that he's shy. It sounds like he's less likely to make you run. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Man smallworld, you sure know how shy guys think. Ever thought of offering some service to help shy people? You'd be great at it. shorty, shy guys take awhile to get going, but when they do its well worth the wait. If your paying him the kind of attention small said, it wouldn't surprise me if you was all over you before you know it. Link to comment
smallworld Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Man smallworld, you sure know how shy guys think. Ever thought of offering some service to help shy people? You'd be great at it. Thanks Shy! I've helped my hopelessly dorky little brother hook a fiance, so I'm pretty sure I can help just about anyone. Any takers? Link to comment
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