Why won't he give me my stuff back?

[Heather130]

It's been 6 weeks since he broke up with me (very serious relationship of 2 years). He is dating another girl but every time I call him and ask for my belongings he makes excuses as to why I can't get them.

What do I do?

[annie24]

Hi - I'm sorry to hear about your situation. First off, what is this stuff? If it's a few DVDs and an old T-shirt, I would just let it go. The cost of buying new items may be less than the emotional cost of having to track him down.

 

If you do have stuff of more value, I would call him and TELL him that you will be over at such and such time with a box, and you just want to pick up your stuff. Or, tell him to drop your stuff in a box at your doorstep or your place of work.

 

Just a possibility - but he may be trying to "drag out" the breakup because he isn't quite ready to let go of you.

 

Stuff is stuff - you can replace it, but your peace of mind isn't as easy to replace. Good luck!

[RandomAdvisor]

Can't be sure on exactly why he's doing it....

 

Show up to his house unannounced when you know he's there. You might want to bring someone with you for company. Knock on the door and tell him you're there to pick up your stuff. Don't take no for an answer.

 

What kind of excuses has he been giving you?

[shes2smart]

Depending on what it is, there are different things you may want to do.

 

Like annie24 said, if it's easily replaceable/relatively inexpensive stuff, it's probably easiest just to let it go and buy new.

 

If it is expensive (good jewelry, for instance) or irreplaceable stuff with high sentimental value (journals, high school yearbooks, family photos) then you might want to be a little more adamant about it.

 

My last ex did exactly what yours is doing. What I finally did was just show up on his doorstep when he was likely to be home, (a quick call & hang-up from a nearby pay phone confirmed he was there) and refuse to leave until he returned my things. I brought a (male, very tall, big & mean-looking) friend with me who just sort of stood out by my car. Now, knowing my ex had an extreme aversion to "creating a scene" and knowing I don't really care if people stare at me, I was reasonably sure that this would work. If he balked, I was ready to start talking loudly enough for neighbors to hear *exactly* what the issue was. I'd only recommend doing this if you are reasonably sure you can do it without things getting out of hand. It's a potentially explosive situation that could spiral out of control rather quickly.

 

The other option you have is spending a little money and having a lawyer write a strongly worded letter asking for your stuff back on your behalf. It's weird how people will tow the line and do the stuff they really should do if they believe there are going to be consequences for not doing it.

[chai714]

Unless it's a family heirloom or diamond ring, let it go. You'll more than likely get your stuff back eventually, unless he likes storing your stuff for free. At any rate, like "shestoosmart" said, it's emotionally cheaper to forget about your stuff for now and move forward.

[sweet_bebcho]

Like everyone else said, if its replacable stuff like DVD's etc, just let it go.

If its sentimental then you're gonna have to try a little bit harder to get them back. Just go when you know that he'll be home and invite yourself in. You might wanna take someone with you just to make sure everything runs smoothly. Good Luck!

[Heather130]

Thank for the advice…

 

Its not that these things are of any major value but it's the fact that me and MY daughter are moving into a new condo (that I purchased), which in fact all three of us we suppose to move into until he dropped the ball and told me he does not want to be with me anymore…Anyways these thing were suppose to be for our new place…i.e. a sofa, books, TV stand, CD player and stuff like that. My family members gave this to us (me) so we didn't have to buy anything; we kept it at his house until the condo was ready for possession because I'm still at my parent house and space it limited.

 

I hate to go out and spend money on something I already have – but I just can't get back. I'd rather spend this money on cloths or toys for my daughter.

 

Ouch eh. I guess as much as you think you know a person….you just never know.

[annie24]

Sofa! Ok - go get it. I like S2S's idea of a strongly worded letter from a lawyer. You'd be surprised how quickly he'll find time for you to come over and pick up your things.

 

Good luck!!! I hope you get your stuff back!!!