Advice needed

[radleigh]

Hello,

I'm not sure how to start this but I know I need advice.

My husband has recently bought himself a fleshlight. I'm trying to be ok with it. But the thought of him using it more upsets me.

When it came he was really excited to try it. My problem is that it looks lifelike on the outside and also they are made to work well, and I am worried he prefers it to me now. He uses it everyday at the moment. Unfortunately he has to wash and dry it after use so I see it out all the time.

I know many will say I'm being overly dramatic, and I'm trying not to show that it bothers me but it really does. It hurts my feelings in a way I don't know how to describe. I don't know how to get past that. 

I know he watches porn etc, but there's no physical reminder sitting around for me to see. Out of sight out of mind, or ignorance is bliss as it were.

 

I know it's probably my own hangups. And I know it's normal to self pleasure. 

 

 

[smackie9]

Just tell him how you feel and work on a compromise.

[catfeeder]

You're entitled to feel how you feel about it. I'd ask husband how we can solve the problem of leaving it around for me to see. Maybe he can dry it and put it away somewhere? I'd also explain my concerns about it impacting our sex life and ask him for reassurance.

If you're gentle rather than accusatory, and he's receptive to hearing you and working with you on this, that's one thing. If he balks and tries to make you feel ridiculous, then that means you've got a far larger problem in your marriage than the sex toy.

[Jaunty]

How is your sex life?

 

[ShySoul]

Personally, I'll never understand the use of toys, especially when the genuine article is there.If it helps, I don't think most men would prefer it to a real, live woman. The newness and excitment of the idea will likely wear off in time.

Marriage is a partnership and couples should be able to express their feelings and communicate. If it bothers you, then it's not being dramatic. These are your feelings and you are entitled to them. This is a real and reasonable concern. You want to feel like your husband desires you, not some object. You want the closeness that comes with sex - physical and emotional. That's perfectly understandable.

Talk to him. Let him know your concerns. Odds are he cares for you and wouldn't want to hurt you like this. He's probably so caught up in the new experience he is being blind to the side effects it's having in the relationship. Work together to find a solution you are both okay with. Maybe try doing something romantic together to reinforce that emotional connection and remind him of the incredible and sexy woman he married. Light the spark between the two of you, and he might forget about those other items. 😉