Commiting Myself

[flyjfly]

Seriously, I feel like I have no value to anyone at all. The crazy part is, if I did, it would be to my family which I hate. This isn't a temporary hate either, I simply do not need anything from them. There a charity case anyway, always wanting my services. Well screw them, there never going to be there for me to meet my needs. I've just going to let them boil in their own misery. Good riddance.

 

In the mean time, sense I have no REAL value to anyone as I wished I did, I don't know what to do but commit myself. I look like a freak. I can't be loved. I just can't. I'm sick of trying. I just want to be happy without a bunch of snot nosed pricks standing around telling me how to be a better person. I don't need to go to college to be happy; I don't need drugs/alcohol to be happy.

 

If I was to commit myself, would anyone have any good suggestions? I'm tired of all the pressure to be something I'm not. If people can't understand me for that, then I don't want to function in society anymore. Where can I find sanctuary? (No religious suggestions please)

[Caldus]

There a charity case anyway, always wanting my services.

 

Do they take care of you still? Do you still live with them?

 

Well screw them, there never going to be there for me to meet my needs.

 

What are your "needs" exactly?

 

In the mean time, sense I have no REAL value to anyone as I wished I did, I don't know what to do but commit myself.

 

Have you ever considered the possibility that it has to do with you and not other people every time? How do you act around people? Why could none of them possibly not like you?

 

If people can't understand me for that, then I don't want to function in society anymore.

 

You shouldn't care so much about what other people think of you. Ignore them if they bother you and find people who you can connect with better. There is bound to be somebody out there for you. You're either getting people to not like you for whatever reason or you're simply not searching the right places.

 

Besides, you should in some sense not be depending on other people for everything in life anyway.

[flyjfly]

Do they take care of you still? Do you still live with them?

 

Well, I'm moving out of my house cause it's drilled into my skull that I should kiss major behind for not paying rent. Well guess what, the head of the house is a PMS Mom who wants a good reason to hate. I would rather pay a complete stranger than let this bird tweet all day long. I can now afford to rent a room and live on my own which I am two seconds away from doing.

 

I have no controll over a lot of things in my house and I would rather take pride in paying my own bills. Even if I DID pay rent, I wouldn't get freedom. I would only loose money while living with a monster and my spoiled sister. So, I'm moving the hell out. Thats what I ment by, "Good riddance".

 

What are your "needs" exactly?

 

My needs are basically called, "Listen to my simple requests". These include, "Please don't yell, and Please don't pick and pry at my very exestance telling me I'm a sorry excuse when I'm trying to save and move out". I have a full time job I like. Oh wait! Theres also, "Hey, don't expect me to help you when I solve major problems with household issues cause your only gonna throw me chump change that is a joke to not have people call your bluff that you don't give much to your first child". See. She's only covering her behind. She still loves my sister WAY more. Her excuse is, "Shes a girl". Totally sexist.

[smallworld]

Your anger sounds normal to me given your circumstances. It's not fair that your sister isn't expected to pull her weight simply because she's a girl, but since there's not much you can do about that, it's best to forget about it and leave. You don't need commitment. Just a place of your own. Don't worry about the family. Once you're out on your own, the fights will die down, your depression/anger should ease, and you'll find life a lot more enjoyable when you're not being reminded of your shortcomings every day.

 

Decide what you want to do with your life and do it. The best revenge is living well!

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Fire honestly I think you need drugs and therapy. Don't listen to Tom Cruise. He's knockin' at your door but don't you answer. You need help.

[flyjfly]

Fire honestly I think you need drugs and therapy. Don't listen to Tom Cruise. He's knockin' at your door but don't you answer. You need help.

 

WHO IS FIRE?

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Ooooooooooo I meant fly...................

[flyjfly]

To be honest, I think I need a reason in doing the things I normally do. I get little to no satisfaction. Whenever I'm around people I usually complain about stuff they like. If they smoke, drink, do drugs, I might mention it in a joking fashion how I disapprove of it. I then don't get close to these people, but then again why would I want to be close to people that have vices I hate about them? Am I too selfish or do these things just drive me nuts in a fair way?

 

I don't know. I honestly don't. I'm getting impatient and tired of not desiring/believing in dead end roads. I try, I lose. I've been let down so many times before that I have little courage left in me to continue doing what I do.

 

What is it that I do? I work a full time job that provides me with enough money to support myself. In this process I'm scared. I know if I get a girlfriend all my money is gonna be gone and I'll virtually be broke. Then she won't even stick around cause I:

 

1. Don't drink

2. Am not as attractive as other guys

3. Don't go to school

4. Don't have any interest in a lot of things

5. Have a poor diet

6. Don't Exercise

7. Have no desire to go back to college

8. AND HAVE EXTREAMLY SCAREY LOW SELF ESTEEM

 

Boy I'm the catch of the day. I feel so low that I'd probably go with out with any chick that liked me. That's a miracle in it's self! It's usually me liking someone and totally getting shot down for who I am. Honesty doesn't count. Being drug free as I am doesn't count. Being a clean person doesn't count. Being mostly kind doesn't count. What does? Acting like a freaking jerk? Come on.

 

I honestly don't post here expecting a strait answer. In fact most replies don't help. Especially, "Hey Fire.....uh....I mean Fly.......get on drugs. WOW, THANKS MAN. Never would have thought of that. You're a PHD right?

 

Anyway, anyone know of a NON-RELIGIOUS group I could get together with similar to a youth group in CA?

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Fly sarcasm ain't gonna bother me... and PHD no, but I am pretty brilliant.

Seriously you need to lighten up. Your attitude sucks.

Who IS gonna want to be around you when you criticize everything (in some sort of psuedo retallitory effort to criticize the world back).

You reject people because they smoke or drink? Are you kidding? What precisely is it that is so contemptable about that? (Oh by the way I never smoked and drink maybe every six months).

If you do indeed realize you are complaining about the stupidest things because you have no self-esteem then yeah, you pretty much figured it out without our help. You are also worried about your place "or lack of it" in this world. If you aren't going to make even a minor attempt at being more tolerant about other people's vices (if that's what they indeed are), maybe learn a little better eye contact and how to smile and laugh off your problems then at least don't bother the rest of the world by asking advice. That being said, you do need prescription drugs. A long time ago in a state far far away I was a little like you (probably worse). Besides practicing my social skills, tolerance, stoicism, and having a sense of humor about life -- I also learned excercise and drug therapy can do miracles.

[flyjfly]

Oh, so you wanna talk presription drugs huh? Well, your miracle drugs don't do anything for me. Ive been on many. All they do for me is make my additude worse (hard to believe, but yeah). Plus I've had high levels of other side effects. Most anti-depresants have the same effect level of a sugar pill by most studies. It's all what you think on the inside. Maybe if you got off the brain candy you'd realize what a fantasy world most people live in.

 

Don't try to convince me you know whats best for me. I don't need to be told anything. I just like suggestions. You can't force everybody to do what you want.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Fly honestly I don't care that much to demand anything of you. It's your life. My advice is purely altruistic.

If you wanna be miserable be miserable.

It sound's like you are almost afraid not to be. Maybe you even think your own unhappiness makes you unique...It doesn't.

I was on meds my whole life before I found the right ones and once even had a serious painful reaction to one that I thought was going to kill me. (my cells became to sensitive for my skin and I felt like my body was crushing itself) so I don't really wanna hear about your unsuccessful attempts at medication. They ain't wonder drugs, but what they are is the best shot you got. And for me, they eventually worked.

Oh yeah i also know all about side effects and placebos. Most anti-depressants aren't placebos and you can always take the initiative and study what you are taking and how it expedites serotonin through the rest of your brain more effectively. Look the drugs up and how they work before you try em. See what you are willing to risk and remember those side effects aren't neccesarily going to happen. Besides, you can keep trying until you find something with minimal inconvience and maximum effectiveness. Remember, it's like dating, gambling, or anything else -- it's all about playing the odds.

If you'd listen to yourself you'd realize you come accross as paranoid, unrealistic and childish. This isn't an insult. I was pretty unrealistic and childish for a long time. Misery sucks.

That's my advice, spoken from experience. Take it or don't take it. But I ain't gonna waste anymore time giving it. Good luck.