20 in a long distance relationship

[lalala101]

This will probably be a bit of a long one but I'd really like some advice and to get a few things off my chest because I don't really have the type of friends I can talk to about this stuff. Me and my boyfriend are 20 and have been together since he was 17 and I was 18 and we're both 20 at universities 2 hours away from each other. I've never wanted to be in a long distance relationship and have really struggled through it but thought it was worth being in for him but now I'm thinking about the future and questioning if it's worth feeling this lonely.

He's a really good boyfriend and its not like I want to be single and sleeping around but I feel so lonely all the time. We try to see each other as much as we can but even when we're back home from uni we live a 25 min drive away and he doesn't have his own car and mine got written off so that's also a barrier. I see so much online about how especially in your early 20s its so good to be single and learn about yourself and stuff and I can't help but feel as if I'm missing out in some way. I'm quite an independent person but now I kind of feel like instead of being my own person I'm just 'his girlfriend'. I always find myself waiting around for him to message me or see me and I feel like I don't have my own life.

It's my second year at university and after not making many new proper friends in first year I finally feel like I've got a good network of people but my boyfriend can be very insecure. When I go out he makes comments about me not reassuring him and he always finds something to start an argument about over the phone when I come back. When I get dressed up he says stuff about how it's 'unfair' on him that I'm going out looking nice when he's not there to see in person. He is also very negative about almost everything I tell him, I like to update him on stuff I'm doing like if I'm going to the gym with my friends or going to the pub or having a wine night in but he always has something negative to say about it and it just puts me in a bad mood and I just want to go home because he's made me feel really stupid about stuff thats normal for a 20 year old to do. 

We went on a break of about 4ish weeks because it got so draining and he promised to change but I feel like the same stuff just happening and when I try to address it with him he just brushes it under the carpet. 

I was 18 when we got together so I was going out drinking and doing that whole thing but he never did, I'm his first everything and he's not mine and recently he decided to go off on a whole tangent and  randomly tell me how disgusting he thinks some of the stuff that happened before we were together is and how he's got 'good morals' because he had less experience than me with stuff which made me feel so low and gross. I asked him why is he telling me all this and it's quite insulting and he said 'my friends have done it too so I'm criticising them as well' which I thought was os insensitive. 

I really want to escape long distance so I've been mentioning him moving in with me after I do my undergrad because I want to do a masters but he wasn't really interested until recently and I'm just getting fed up because I don't want to do long distance forever but he's just so complacent with it and I don't think he'll put in effort to actually be with me properly unless he's basally forced to by his parents because they don't want him in the house anymore. 

I can see a future with him and we do have a really lovely relationship when it's good but I don't want to waste my time doing long distance for it to fizzle out eventually. But I also don't want to throw away something that has the potential to be really good.

I'm turning 21 this year and I feel like I don't really know who I am anymore but I don't know if it's because of this relationship or if it's just a general early 20s feeling. Any advice would be appreciated :)

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, lalala101 said:

 he makes comments about me not reassuring him and he always finds something to start an argument about over the phone when I come back. When I get dressed up he says stuff about how it's 'unfair' on him that I'm going out looking nice when he's not there to see in person. He is also very negative about almost everything I tell him, I like to update him on stuff I'm doing like if I'm going to the gym with my friends or going to the pub or having a wine night in but he always has something negative to say about it and it just puts me in a bad mood 

Sorry this is happening. LDRs are lonely, difficult and frustrating. Trust your instincts that he's holding you back from experiencing life on campus more fully.

However the real issue is the possessiveness, jealousy and trying to tether you, make you feel bad and hindering you..

Please rethink the relationship and consider setting each other free..

[MissCanuck]

25 minutes ago, lalala101 said:

recently he decided to go off on a whole tangent and  randomly tell me how disgusting he thinks some of the stuff that happened before we were together is and how he's got 'good morals' because he had less experience than me with stuff which made me feel so low and gross.

Nope. Get rid of this guy. 

He is disrespectful, rude, immature and ridiculously insecure. Don't ever put up with someone - especially a boyfriend - shaming you like this. 

The "potential to be good" is not enough. The here and now is draining and he is behaving very poorly. Time to walk. 

[catfeeder]

To say you're dragging around a weight would be tough enough, but this one fights you and makes pursuing any reasonable semblance of a social life into an exhausting struggle. I'd liberate myself, and then you'll be thankful for the distance.