Do I Have A Right To Be Worried About My Younger Sister?

[yogacat]

Mylolita!

I feel for you, I do.

I just went through this with my sister and it got pretty hairy for a bit but things have taken shape a bit and specific characters have moved on from contention at the family level, though to be perfectly honest I’m still a bit flabbergasted by a few things and just getting rested up is a bit of a blessing at this point. My feeling is that things will become new or improved or take existing ones to another level due to her treatment or attitude after all this settles.

I don't wish to get into the nitty-gritty details of my sister's situation, but I will say that it involved a lot of family drama and hurt feelings. It was a tumultuous time filled with constant arguments and tension.

If that meant distancing myself from her when all other forms of communication are exhausted and not being a constant presence in her life, then so be it. I knew that for my own mental health, I needed to take a step back and let things play out.

And surprisingly, things have actually started to improve. She's trying to make amends albeit I don't really know or have come to believe how sincere they are. I think she means well, but her sincerity lacks via her attitude and actions so I keep a wide berth. And while things aren't completely back to normal, there's a sense of calm in our family now. 

I wish I had some more pearls of wisdom but I don't.

It does sound like your sister is pretty lost and more than a little bit self-serving, not taking the feelings of others into consideration and a little stunned almost like mine was to much of the unpleasant truths about some other people brought about by unpleasant back-stories.

From my experience, from whatever underlying cause, these emotional and moral handicaps are likely add onto very little substance or public respect as a result of some of said folks bringing the incident to some folks in their lives.

It sounds like you're doing a good job dealing with situations as they come, identifying bad situations, staying out of the way, generally attempting to limit collateral damage. All these things are great boons and I think things will go well for you. 🌻

[Cherylyn]

Being a big sister myself,  I can relate.

How do you stop worrying about her?  🫢 You have to learn to let go and let her live her own life however way she sees fit. 

I too,  have never admired my brother-in-law (BIL) because whatever he says is extremely disrespectful and obnoxiously rude.  It is what it is.  😡

A lot of times when you don't support your sister's choices,  she thinks you are judging her choice in men and in a way,  it's true.  No one wants to admit nor be judged even if done internally within your mind and opinion. 

I've learned to remain mum.  I will also add that due to similar situations such as yours,  I've since pumped the brakes on the relationship and currently enforce extremely strict boundaries with her and her husband.  I suggest that you do the same with your sister. 

I will also add,  don't bad mouth her with mutual people in your midst because it could come back to haunt you.  You'll invite a fight,  someone will deceive and betray you along the way.  Don't get involved in your sister's life and beware of your mutual family and social circle.  Play it safe.

Even though you don't agree with her choices in men and how she navigates her life,  all you can do at this point is focus on your own life. 

If there ever comes a point in time where both of you can remain civil,  then this would be good but with siblings,  it is dicey being peaceful yet maintaining a safe distance.  I know because I do it.  You have to treat certain people including family as if they're acquaintances at best or even less than that in order to keep the peace.  It's not idyllic but at least it's better than animosity.   If you must speak or write,  let it be about the weather.  You get the general idea.  🙄

You can be concerned by including your sister in your prayers and loving her from afar.  There are times when the greatest thing you can do is to care but not invest,  not comment about her lifestyle and emotionally detach yourself.  In your heart,  you can wish her all the best.  Many times,  the kindest capacity for yourself is to give each other a lot of space which is equivalent to keeping the peace in all fairness for both sides. 

She's a grown woman and she must make her own mistakes however many times she must in order for her to gain wisdom.  No one can teach a person life's harsh consequences and lessons unless they experience it for themselves. 

If she takes her own life,  you are NOT responsible.  It will be her own doing and her choice.  I hope she doesn't resort to that. 

In the meantime,  live your own life and do your own thing.  This is what I do and it's the safest route for all.  No one engages with a war of words,  it's peaceful,  separate but equal.  👍🙂

If you don't want backlash,  arguments and unkind reactions,  don't initiate it in the first place.  You know what the outcome is so the easiest and most effective route is to do nothing and say nor write anything.  The other party doesn't have a chance to attack you because you've closed that door for good.  Try it.  This is how you respect yourself.

[LUV2WIN2-04]

try focusing on you guys relationship, minus the man its her choice whom she date.  it should be about you two, if you continue to imput your opinion about the men she date, your going to destroy yalls relationship were as if she did need to confide in you  she be hesistate to come to you! 

[Cherylyn]

It's a complicated situation when you don't approve of your sister's choices in men.  Why?  Because should you criticize her poor judgment,  she perceives it as a direct insult regarding her lack of wisdom. 

If you want to have a sisterly relationship,  subjects regarding her choice in men is off limits.  I know it's difficult not to discuss this with her but you have to remember which subjects are taboo and which subjects are safe to discuss. 

Unfortunately,  her poor choices will impact your relationship with her.  It's bound to happen sooner or later.  It's easier to enforce strict boundaries with your sister if there isn't any forced family togetherness such as celebratory occasions,  holiday meals,  random family or social gatherings and the like.  It's easy to avoid people whom you don't like such as your sister's boyfriend(s) at any given moment.

Her drug use and deceit which is the same as lying,  is your call.  If it's too difficult to tolerate her lifestyle choices and her deceit,  then pump the brakes on the relationship and withdraw.  No sense being with her since she makes you very uncomfortable.  ☹️