I seem to be an idiot.

[MrHorizontal1234]

I am someone who struggles in social situations. Although, though I was told by some stranger I met tonight "everyone struggles". I can manage to be quite social and funny when I try (and a few drinks does help). I just don't seem to be like everyone else. Like I got speaking to some girl in the smoking area earlier, and she told me she knew me from here or there etc. It went alright. But everyone always seems to get with someone else. I spoke to this other girl tonight, an older girl, there seemed to be more chemistry... She gave me her number... but idk it's all ambiguous. I have had sex in getting close to 7 years. I'm 29 and I don't know how I've ended up such a social outcast that I can't pull anymore.

[MrHorizontal1234]

I feel like I am struggling from severe depression.

[Wiseman2]

53 minutes ago, MrHorizontal1234 said:

 I can't pull anymore.

Unfortunately that may be part of the depressing situation. You drink, hang out in bars and try to pick up women. That could keep you lonely and frustrated as long as you are still doing this routine.  It's unclear why you won't use dating apps or other healthier settings to meet women and make friends. 

[MrHorizontal1234]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately that may be part of the depressing situation. You drink, hang out in bars and try to pick up women. That could keep you lonely and frustrated as long as you are still doing this routine.  It's unclear why you won't use dating apps or other healthier settings to meet women and make friends. 

Why? Because of my age?

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, MrHorizontal1234 said:

Why? Because of my age?

Because it's a self-defeating bad habit to run off to bars when you're lonely looking to "pull" women. 

[MrHorizontal1234]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Because it's a self-defeating bad habit to run off to bars when you're lonely looking to "pull" women. 

Everybody else seems to be doing it.

[ShySoul]

4 hours ago, MrHorizontal1234 said:

Everybody else seems to be doing it.

5 hours ago, MrHorizontal1234 said:

I just don't seem to be like everyone else.

Why try to be like everyone else or do what they are doing? You admit this doesn't seem to be working and it is actually making you feel worse. I've found that so many people get sad and depressed exactly because they are comparing themselves to others, trying to fit into this image of what they are suppose to be. But everyone is a unique individual. Everyone has a diffent personality and is suited to different courses of action. Just because other people go to bars to drink and find random girls to hook up with, doesn't mean you should be good at it or even if you should at all. As the saying goes, if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you do it to? Just be you, have confidence in yourself, and things will work out better then trying any other technique.

You say you can't "pull." Yet you managed to have two girls talking to you and one of them giving you her number. Doesn't sound too bad in my book. I'd say that's better then it going any further that night with someone. It gives you time to actually develop a real relationship, which is more meaningful long term. And even if did find someone, they can't be the one to cure you of your lonliness or depression. Yes, it's nice to know someone is there and cares for us. But the real cure has to come from within. You have to be comfortable with yourself and happy just being the person you are. Work on yourself first, and any relationship you have later will be better for it and more likely to succeed.

5 hours ago, MrHorizontal1234 said:

have had sex in getting close to 7 years. I'm 29 and I don't know how I've ended up such a social outcast

There are people that age (and older) who haven't had sex in longer. Doesn't mean anything is wrong with them or that they are a social outcast. Sex does not equal popularity. What really matters is not sex or popularity, it's the kind of person we are. Please, take care of yourself and try to focus on healthier, more positive outlets for your frustrations. 

[Batya33]

I would stop socializing in bars or when not sober.  I would volunteer backstage at a church or community theater where you will most likely meet people who are also not totally comfortable in their own skin but enjoy building sets, painting sets, working with tools etc - we have a very reserved shy friend who lost his wife when they were in their 40s.  She was also very shy. I recommended this to him and surprisingly he tried it -he's now been doing this around 5 years or so and he told my husband he's met really good people through it.  I know of married couples and long term couples and close close friends who met this way. I never did it but was indirectly involved through an ex boyfriend and really enjoyed the people I met -and am still in touch with some of them 20 years later.

In my world "everyone" has their kids in team sports and chauffers them around "everyone" seems to go on girls nights out/girls trips and do "self care" involving "cleanses" and pedicures and fancy skin treatments. "Everyone" seems to dream of home ownership, upgrading homes and cars and "everyone" seems to focus on "family friendly" vacations. "Everyone" seems to post ad nauseum about their kids accomplishments or spouse's purchases of flowers or fancy Starbucks beverages for the on Facebook. Once again a friend chided me for not changing my profile photo -it's from my 2008 wedding. I love that photo.  Who cares if "everyone" routinely updates their profile photo.

OK.  I don't.  I do me. And I try to do Me unapologetically.  There are downsides -I'm not in the "popular" groups of moms. I miss out on nights out since after 30 years of having a really active night social life I stopped going out at night.  I get snide comments about my choices.  I own my choices. I have upsides from it and accept the downsides.  Since you are not great at socializing in a bar setting and actually feel you need alcohol to do so -then - don't.  There are many many other ways to find your people.