a formula for love

[cassiana]

I have read alot of books about love, getting people back etc. They all seem to say the same thing.

 

They say that love should be mutually beneficial.

That they will love you if they know you will love and support them etc.

Also that you should tell them when you are angry so that they respect you.

That you should let them do things for you.

 

has anyone out there anything to add?

[QTpie87]

I don't understand what you mean.

are you saying to get someone to love you, or people that are already in love?

[chai714]

I've read my share of books on love too. I find most of them to be based on one author's opinion and experiences in life. Others are written with a catchy title that are made to sell lots of copies. What good books have you read on love?

 

What I enjoy now is psychology. If you learn how people work, how to deliver emotional fulfillment while keeping things balanced in your relationship, you'll be much better off. Once you can get into someone's head and learn what makes them tick, you can adjust your love tactics from there. I use the word, "love tactics" interchangably with "loving manipulation." Both should be executed out of good will, with good intentions and that will benefit both parties.

[PlayBrat]

Love is a tricky tricky thing.

They say if you love something let it go free..if it comes back it

was meant to be...that is probably one of the truest ways of showinG '

someone you love them, albeit the hardest. I once broke up

with someone....and when I saw him again after some time had passed

I expected the cold shoulder, or at the very most a terse greeting.

Instead to my surprise, he kissed me on the cheek and hugged me

and said he thought I looked great. I asked him later after the fact how he could be so nice to me..and he said.."Just because we aren't together doesn't mean I don't still love you and want you to be happy" That made me feel more guilty and sad than all the insults in the world could have, because I KNOW he meant it...and not just by his words, but by his actions.

It is hard to feel good will toward someone who has just ripped your heart out, but it truly is possible...it's mind over matter.

Many people use guilt or manipulation to gain affections from those they profess to love. What kind of love is that? It's self absorbed and plainly stated...a LIE. There is SO much time and energy wasted on plotting , scheming, hurting and demeaning when in fact one heartfelt HONEST, unselfish gesture is all you need .

Love truly IS thinking of someone elses well being as much if not more than your own. Love IS being accepting of ones flaws, and not trying to change them into what YOU think is best or better.

Love IS being patient, and not always getting what YOU want. Love IS

about sacrifice and commitment..

Oh what the hell do I know about love?? I'm SINGLE! lol

[lillady898]

They say if you love something let it go free..if it comes back it

was meant to be

 

I used to believe this. But over the past couple of years and a few experiences, I don't. I look at it this way: If we're truly in love, we will never let eachother go. Otherwise, it wasn't really love. Definetly not a fairytale way of looking at relationships, but it's what works for me.

[AlwaysConfused]

IMO, I think you are talking about two different things. One is the feeling love and the other is a healthy relationship. I agree that what you need to make a relationship work is honesty, respect and mutual beneficial. However, I think that a person can have the feeling "Love" for another that does not include the above in their relationship.

[tman]

Love isn't love until you give it away. - John H. MacDonald Jr. 1992

[lillady898]

Love isn't love until you give it away. - John H. MacDonald Jr. 1992

 

Just because a man makes an awesome-sounding quote about something, doesn't mean that it's correct. In theory it seems like good enough proof to back what you believe... But anyone with a fairly good brain can come up with some catchy phrase. In my opinion, proof lies in experience, not in words. That is why people should elaborate on there beleifs, such as HOW it is they came up with what they did. I respect peoples opinions... But really, how is letting something go the best way to prove your love? From my experience, letting someone go is only proof for love if you're letting go of someone who no longer loves you. And even in that, the love is broken. So for someone to leave, atleast one partner in a relationship is probably not in love... Or in any strong love. I just find it very hard to believe, unless someone can elaborate on how this idea can work towards proving love.

[cassiana]

I think alot of self-help books come up with one pithy quote and hang a book around it and make a fortune. As you said anyone can do that. How about "look inward to move forward", and its sequel "I'm still looking inward to move forward".

All Love is selfish. All love is manipulation whether conscious on unconscious. When we care too much for someone we might drive them away when we are indifferent they are intrigued. This means that if you bubmble honestly through your love life you will end up being chased by those you hate and chasing those who will grow to hate you. Why not harness the knowledge out there and make it work for you.

If you want a good job you don't go a job is a special thing that just happens. You put alot of time and effort into it.

Love is as important so why not be able to work at that rather than relying on some mysterious alchemy.

Should I build a love reume, go out looking for suitable candidates and what can I do to achieve my goals.

There is someone I would like to win back but I think he's not ready yet to settle down. So If there was a tactic I could use to change that I would. However I'm looking for someone good, it need not necessarily be him.

[tman]

Lillady898,...no need to be so harsh, I simply just posted a quote that , from my experience was quite relevant and true. But you are right... letting go of someone who does not love you anymore is proof of love, but I also believe letting go of someone who loves you can also be seen as a proof of love if it is for the good of that person or both persons involved.

 

 

You cant just reject it as a "catchy phrase" as you really do not know where the guy that wrote the quote is coming from....you asked for it to be elaborated upon and for experiences to be used to back it up...unfortunately I could not contact Mr McDonald over the weekend, but I am sure once I do get in contact he will provide you with a good reason.

 

From my own personal experience upon which "I" saw the relevance of the quote, it takes love to step back from some one you have been in love with and to let them go, whether it be for a little while or forever. The hardest thing was my ex saying there was still a "love" there but it did not feel like the right kind of love. ( i love u but not in love with you scenario).

You can beg and plead and force them to see your views but in reality it causes hurt and turmoil to them as they feel guilt and pain for putting you through this. The ex's are human too. Lets not always see them as the evil bad person who can't see what they are doing to us. I knew and appreciated the warm gentle kind hearted nature of my ex while i was with her, and know how much she would not want to hurt someone.

 

No matter how much i thought she may have been wrong to break up with me, it is her right and by me holding on and pressuring her and trying to go over things again and again, it just causes them pain, as they can see that they are breaking your heart, which in some cases is something that a lot of our ex's never intentionally meant to do. A lot of people stay in a relationship for a long time because the one that wants to split can't bear to cause the other partner pain (even if they do not love them anymore), while the one to be split up with can not see the signs and pain they are causing the other and themsleves as they try to hold onto somethign that is not there.

 

Additionally if you loved yourself you would let the love you had go and get yourself out of pain.

 

lillady You said

But really, how is letting something go the best way to prove your love?

 

Funny enough a really good example was used at my church this weekend when i was with my mothers sunday school class....

 

It was the story of king solomon and the two mothers who were fighting over the custody of a baby they both claimed to be theirs.

They had come to Solomon (who in biblical times was the wisest of men and a great judge) to ask him to decide who should have the baby.

Solomon threatened to split the baby in half. One woman was prepared to accept the decision, but the other begged the King to give the live baby to the other woman. Solomen then knew the second woman was the mother.

 

I really dont like preaching but just thought that this story is of some relevance to the quote you asked me to explain. You dont have to agree with it, but there is no need to be so dismissive of other peoples views.

[lillady898]

First, I would like to say that I am most definetly not being dissmissive on other people's views. If I was, I would not have asked for anyone to elaborate, now would I? People can have their own beleifs. But that doesn't mean that I believe they're correct.

 

If you would have read my previous post more closely, you would have seen that I had said that it could only prove YOUR love if you let your partner who wanted to leave go. That shows love on your part, however, there is no love on the other partner's behalf. Otherwise, he/she would have never left. That is my opinion. I truly don't believe that if someone completely loved someone, that they would walk away from them (unless the other person wanted them to).

 

No need to be sarcastic. I was sincerely wanting elaboration. I got it, and I don't agree, but atleast I know why one of the people who believe in the "Let him/her go if you love it" theory.

 

And I really don't think any post is useful unless it is further explained in detail. There are many quotes anyone can search on a quote dictionary that pertains to their particular situation. If quotes were a way of giving advice, I think everyon on enotalone would have gone to link removed instead. Quotes are good to give insight on what you think, but not WHY. But thank you for giving your explanation on WHY you would use such a quote.