How to make a cheater regret?

[LarryFlanders]

1 hour ago, catfeeder said:

Try instead that you’ve confirmed for yourself your ability to love, and you are now on a path to find a partner who is worthy of that gift.

I really appreciate the advice. Learned something similar in therapy and it's been helpful. Thank you

[LarryFlanders]

1 hour ago, DariaM239 said:

 I ended up just letting it go and looking back on it, I don't even care anymore.

Thank you for your response. Praying I reach this point. 

[SooSad33]

Sorry you had to experience this, as none of it was nice - is just how SHE is.

See it all as an experience.  We live & we learn.  I've had plenty  😉 .

Not sure how long ago this was, but I'm sure you're still reeling about it all. 😕 .  Is okay, you're allowed to 'feel'.  But, I suggest you just continue to 'work through it'.  Try to find ways to 'vent', eg. exercise, get out for some air, take a walk, join a sport, journal, etc. 

Just don't go doing something you may regret in the end.  Some do that and it got them nowhere!

I've experienced time with an alcy, a druggy and a cheater over the years.  Also a narcissist- but I never played their mind games.  Is best to walk away with your self respect in tact.

As I said, it was an experience for you.  Now you learn from it and move on w/ your life ( dont get involved again until you know you're okay).

As I often say, ' there's all kinds'.  No, not everyone is a cheater.

But, give yourself some time to work through your emotions, take some down time to heal from it all and carry on. 

[Cherylyn]

You can't make anyone regret anything.  That's all on them.  Lower your standards in people meaning people will not always behave the way you want them to for example:  honorably and with utmost integrity.  Nope.  It's unrealistic and if they do, consider yourself very lucky.  Lower your expectations in people because they won't always consider your feelings and simply don't care about you.  They lack empathy which is the norm for most people.  Once you accept how this world is,  you won't feel shocked,  surprised nor disappointed anymore because it's nothing unusual. 

In an ideal or optimal scenario,  people do the right thing by possessing humility,  make amends or at the very least, part ways with with peaceful closure.  However,  it's a fantasy and save that for storybooks and movies. 

The best thing to do is to control yourself,  surround yourself with very upstanding,  moral people and everyone else?  They're unimportant in your life.

[LarryFlanders]

17 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

The best thing to do is to control yourself,  surround yourself with very upstanding,  moral people

Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it. 

[LarryFlanders]

26 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

But, give yourself some time to work through your emotions, take some down time to heal from it all and carry on. 

Thank you for your reply. This all went down roughly a year ago. I thought I'd be a lot further in my healing journey at this point but I allowed her to continue to poke her head into my life numerous times. Feels like I'm starting over now. I'll get there

[SooSad33]

2 minutes ago, LarryFlanders said:

I thought I'd be a lot further in my healing journey at this point but I allowed her to continue to poke her head into my life numerous times. Feels like I'm starting over now. I'll get there

Exactly.  You continued to let her into your life.. or remain there after your BU?  ( We often do this because we're still emotionally attached) 😕 . BUT, in time we realize it's doing us no good!

As I said, it takes time.  Time to see what it's doing to us and so we hafta learn to be stronger than this.  That they are NO good for us and to seriously be done now!

Once you do, you're life can become less chaotic. Less stress and you come to think of it all less.. in time you'll come to realize one day that you think of them less and wow,  you actually woke up that day and she was NOT the first thing you think about!  *progress*.

Keep moving forward.

[Kathryn657xx]

To start, being cheated on is so difficult and i am sorry you had to go through that. However, i do think the cheater doesn't need to be made to feel guilty - this feeling will come at some point without any outside influence. I think people can sometimes "compartmentalise" and maybe this is what she has done. Instead of owning what she has done and how she has hurt you - she boxes these feelings. No feelings can stay boxed forever. She might get cheated on later on in life and perhaps then she will truly feel the guilt she sunconsciously buried? Move on - you are not at fault and don't waste your life reliving this event 🙂 

[LarryFlanders]

1 hour ago, Kathryn657xx said:

Move on - you are not at fault and don't waste your life reliving this event 🙂 

Thank you for your response! I'm doing my best to stop living in the hurt. Day by day.