My mother and my boyfriend.

[carti2.0]

Ok so, I was supposed to stay at my school for a little while to complete a test, which I didn't do. Instead I decided to walk around the halls with my boyfriend for an hour. We were just holding hands, walking around and talking because I don't get to see him that often. I see him in the mornings for abt 10 minutes, sometimes less. Or I see him in between my classes for abt 2 minutes. And we are busy during the week days with homework and stuff so I do not get to hang out with him often. So I stayed after a while and ALL we were doing was walking and talking. Mind you, my mother works at my school. So she came looking for me at the teachers room I was suppose to be in. My teacher wasn't there at that time so I was just hanging out with my boyfriend. My mother walks into the classroom and sees me with him and she is PISSED. Like she's yelling my name. My boyfriend is a good guy, and he would never do anything to hurt me, just so you know. I come home with her in her car and apparently she thought we were trying to do "stuff" because the classroom was at the back of the school and it was "dark..."  and there were only 2 other girls in there. (Why tf would you want to do that while other people are in the room anyways???? Just saying.) She asked me if I knew the girls and I told her no and then she asked me why I would choose to go into a room that is in the back of the school where it was dark and barely anyone was in there. First of all, that's just where the teachers room is. Second of all, the other girls in there I didn't even know and I was in that classroom for only abt 10 minutes and me and my bf were just talking. We didn't even do anything and we haven't even tried to do things yet. We sometimes joke around and stuff but I think it is too soon. But she is always making assumptions about me. Even before I had a boyfriend. 

I kinda just vented here...I have a lot on my mind. 

[Seraphim]

I suspect she will be more angry when she finds out you ditched a test. 

[carti2.0]

She already knows that.

[Seraphim]

I understand you feel intruded upon but it is a parent’s job to make sure their teen is safe . 

[carti2.0]

I just think she is being a bit dramatic- that's all.

[Seraphim]

The thing she will be responsible for anything that could go wrong . 

[carti2.0]

I have told her multiple times nothing is going to happen though. We are not like that yet.

[Seraphim]

Ah …..: yet. That is a possibility though. Your mom was a teenager once too and knows the score . 😉

[carti2.0]

Yeah but she is a lesbian so it's different. She once even made up a story about her being raped try to scare me. I asked her later, and she said that never happened. Like who does that??

[Seraphim]

2 minutes ago, carti2.0 said:

Yeah but she is a lesbian so it's different. She once even made up a story about her being raped try to scare me. I asked her later, and she said that never happened. Like who does that??

Are you adopted ? 

[carti2.0]

2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Are you adopted ? 

Yeah,

[Seraphim]

2 minutes ago, carti2.0 said:

Yeah,

Thing is she still knows how the body works and the consequences. 

[bluecastle]

Sorry about this. 

Can I ask how old you are, for context? 

All in all, I think one of the toughest truths about life is that we don't choose are parents, and whomever we get, whatever their wonderful qualities, are going to occasionally react in ways that grate. Yelling at you as she did, making torrid assumptions as she did—as an adult probably closer to age to her than to you I will say that sounds dramatic.

And for that bummer I'm sorry. 

At the same time, you gotta own where you didn't make the day easy for her. You said you were going to do X, but opted to do Y, and the bottom line is that's never going to be a move that endears you to her, that helps to foster the sort of relationship you're hoping to have. So in your shoes, what I'd do right now, just for yourself, is make a little internal promise to do two things moving forward.

Thing one: Do what you say. 

Thing two: In a calm moment, once this storm has passed, talk to your mom about this. Something like, "Hey, I know I was out of line in ditching the test, and I'm really sorry about that. It won't happen again. But my feelings are hurt from the way you yelled at me and what felt like unfair assumptions being made. That puts me in a really hard spot and I'd love to find a way out of it."

How that goes...well, it'll go how it goes. Not promising some master solution here. Still, maybe, just maybe, it moves the needle a few degrees and this sort of thing happens less.  

[carti2.0]

Do you know when it stops?

[carti2.0]

Just now, bluecastle said:

Sorry about this. 

Can I ask how old you are, for context? 

All in all, I think one of the toughest truths about life is that we don't choose are parents, and whomever we get, whatever their wonderful qualities, are going to occasionally react in ways that grate. Yelling at you as she did, making torrid assumptions as she did—as an adult probably closer to age to her than to you I will say that sounds dramatic.

And for that bummer I'm sorry. 

At the same time, you gotta own where you didn't make the day easy for her. You said you were going to do X, but opted to do Y, and the bottom line is that's never going to be a move that endears you to her, that helps to foster the sort of relationship you're hoping to have. So in your shoes, what I'd do right now, just for yourself, is make a little internal promise to do two things moving forward.

Thing one: Do what you say. 

Thing two: In a calm moment, once this storm has passed, talk to your mom about this. Something like, "Hey, I know I was out of line in ditching the test, and I'm really sorry about that. It won't happen again. But my feelings are hurt from the way you yelled at me and what felt like unfair assumptions being made. That puts me in a really hard spot and I'd love to find a way out of it."

How that goes...well, it'll go how it goes. Not promising some master solution here. Still, maybe, just maybe, it moves the needle a few degrees and this sort of thing happens less.  

I am 17. And thank you, I will try talking to her but sometimes it is hard because she says hurtful things a lot of the time to me. 

[Seraphim]

When it stops? Probably never .:: lol; my mom tracks where I am and gets irate if I don’t answer and I am 56 and the mother of a 25 year old and been married 30 years. Being a mom never stops or ends until you die. 

[carti2.0]

For example, in the summer I wear shorts and crop tops, nothing too revealing. That's just what I wear. I have seen plenty of girls wear worse. My mom asks me who I'm trying to show off to or that I am trying to sell my body. Today actually, she specifically said I was a scandelous girl when I am wearing a crop top that shows an inch of my stomach and shorts. Not even booty shorts. On top of that I had a zip-up hoodie. This is one of the many assumptions she makes and they can be very hurtful. She makes me feel like I am a *** so now I overthink about everything. I even overthink about wearing a bathing suit to the pool around her. I am scared she is going to say something cuz she has made me feel horrible and guilty about things. 

[carti2.0]

Just now, Seraphim said:

When it stops? Probably never .:: lol; my mom tracks where I am and gets irate if I don’t answer and I am 56 and the mother of a 25 year old and been married 30 years. Being a mom never stops or ends until you die. 

That is absolutely terrible. I might just cut her off when I am old enough. There is no way I am going to be able to deal with her for that long. 

[bluecastle]

3 minutes ago, carti2.0 said:

I will try talking to her but sometimes it is hard because she says hurtful things a lot of the time to me. 

Can you give an example of this, a hurtful thing she's said in the past? 

Curious, how's school going for you in general? You're at an amazing time in life, right on the cusp of adulthood. No doubt that's frightening for your mom, in a zillion ways only a parent can understand, to say nothing of scary for you.

How are you feeling personally about crossing over from teendom to adulthood? Feel like you've got a solid plan for the next few years? 

[Seraphim]

Just now, carti2.0 said:

That is absolutely terrible. I might just cut her off when I am old enough. There is no way I am going to be able to deal with her for that long. 

I love my mom to bits and lost my dad and step dad and father in law so this mortal coil is is short for all of us . I know what it is the miss a parent so much and I can’t imagine the day I lose my mother . It will be the worst day of my life hands down. 

[carti2.0]

Just now, bluecastle said:

Can you give an example of this, a hurtful thing she's said in the past? 

Curious, how's school going for you in general? You're at an amazing time in life, right on the cusp of adulthood. No doubt that's frightening for your mom, in a zillion ways only a parent can understand, to say nothing of scary for you.

How are you feeling personally about crossing over from teendom to adulthood? Feel like you've got a solid plan for the next few years? 

Somewhat. Next year I will be a senior. I want to go into cosmetology and do a program and get a certificate then I will head on to college. And I have been practicing hair and makeup a long time. I am pretty good at it and it is something that I love. My grades right now are not the best though but I am working on it. 

How I feel? I basically want to get out of the damn house as soon as I can. My mother is annoying af.

[Seraphim]

You will need a lot of money for that . 

[carti2.0]

1 minute ago, Seraphim said:

I love my mom to bits and lost my dad and step dad and father in law so this mortal coil is is short for all of us . I know what it is the miss a parent so much and I can’t imagine the day I lose my mother . It will be the worst day of my life hands down. 

I love my mother but I don't like her. I have stayed with my grandma over the summer which was about 2 months and I did not miss my mother at all. It was a total relief not having to be around her. She makes me upset a lot of the time. I finally felt happy. And nobody was there to judge everything I do. Again, I love my mother, I just do not LIKE her...

[carti2.0]

Just now, Seraphim said:

You will need a lot of money for that . 

Yes, I know. I am planning to get a job this summer and then work my senior year. I have been saving up money since I was like 5 and my grandmother left me a couple thousand after she died. My parents say they are willing to help me with the money as long as I get a job and put in some work too. 

[Seraphim]

3 minutes ago, carti2.0 said:

I love my mother but I don't like her. I have stayed with my grandma over the summer which was about 2 months and I did not miss my mother at all. It was a total relief not having to be around her. She makes me upset a lot of the time. I finally felt happy. And nobody was there to judge everything I do. Again, I love my mother, I just do not LIKE her...

I get you . I was the same with my dad.