Crush(24M) lying to me about previous relationship?

[Kate spiller]

Would a guy lie about having had a relationship? I asked him to meet with me but the hangout turned into awkwardness and many breaks of silence. I also made the mistake of acting cold towards him because I thought he liked me more and got wakeup call when we interacted.

Towards the end he asked me not to tell anyone from our friends group that we met because another friend asked to hang out with him on the same day but he refused her and accepted my invitation (i asked her when did they last text and she told me it was a few weeks ago so that was a lie; she used to like him too before she got in a relationship so idk).

I got really hurt by this because I felt like his little dirty secret and told him so after the hangout.

He also told me that he was in a relationship before during college and expected me to know because of the gossip. I had no idea. Again I asked the friend who used to talk more to him during that time and was more up to date with things going on in our class and she didn't know about it either.

I texted him after the hang out apologising for not telling to his face that I used to like him but that he doesn't care about me as much as I thought he did so Ill try to move on. He told me not to worry about him, hell be fine, he's been through worse in the past years.

He also was very sorry about the whole "secret meeting" think and asked me to forgive him because he doesn't value me less. He wants things to go back to the way they were before but I admitted I can't do that since it's too intimate for me.

The whole time I spent with him he acted very nervous, hesitant and awkward. He was fidgeting and I noticed he wanted to hold my hand but gave up. Some time ago he told me he had paranoia. He denied feeling anxious though.

Why would he lie? Especially about having had a girlfriend?

[MissCanuck]

Why do you think he's lying? 

Just because you and your friend didn't know he had a girlfriend doesn't mean it isn't true.  In any case, it doesn't seem he wants to get closer so I would let this one go and not try to pursure something with him. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Kate spiller said:

He also was very sorry about the whole "secret meeting" think and asked me to forgive him because he doesn't value me less. He wants things to go back to the way they were before but I admitted I can't do that since it's too intimate for me.

Sorry this happened. It seems like he's too awkward to date right now.  Perhaps these were just excuses in order to avoid dating. Are you still friends?

[Kate spiller]

12 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Why do you think he's lying? 

Just because you and your friend didn't know he had a girlfriend doesn't mean it isn't true.  In any case, it doesn't seem he wants to get closer so I would let this one go and not try to pursure something with him. 

I'm not sure if I can trust that information fully. Right before that he did lie to me about meeting with a friend using it as an excuse to not tell anyone about what we discussed because "it might upset her since he refused her."
I just have a gut feeling that he's lying because he feels insecure, I know from him that he feels alone and maybe he wants to make it seem like he has more experience than he actually does.
When I asked him out a few weeks ago he was busy with exams and was very sorry that he couldn't even do that. I told him that we'll find another time and that hopefully he gets to relax more in the future when he's done. He seemed to be sad because he said "What good to relax when you already lost all".
Not certain what he was referring to there, he told me it was pretty vague and a metaphor.
He is very regretful about his life too, told me his youth has passed.
I feel really sorry for him because when I left him in the bus he seemed close to a breakdown and he told me it was because he was feeling nervous and angry because of the crowd. The meeting was confusing and I'm just trying to understand him because he was a good friend to me and I liked him a lot.

[Kate spiller]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. It seems like he's too awkward to date right now.  Perhaps these were just excuses in order to avoid dating. Are you still friends?

Could be excuses, so far I am the one who initiated most of the things. He is not only awkward but afraid too.

I reassured him that we are still friends. He wants us to go back to where we were very vulnerable to each other but I can't do it anymore since it hurts me knowing my affections are not reciprocated in the same way.

[MissCanuck]

He doesn't seem in any place to date. 

Nothing in his behaviour suggests he's comfortabe with meeting up again, and he appears to have several issues to deal with before he would be ready to explore a romantic interest. 

I'm sorry. 

[Kate spiller]

2 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

He doesn't seem in any place to date. 

Nothing in his behaviour suggests he's comfortabe with meeting up again, and he appears to have several issues to deal with before he would be ready to explore a romantic interest. 

I'm sorry. 

I have realized that too, I hope we can meet as friends in the future. I don't know how to make him more comfortable about me however. I wished him good luck on his exams and he seemed to respond to me as usual 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Kate spiller said:

. I don't know how to make him more comfortable about me however. 

Try to relax a bit. Just step back. He suggested "going back to the way things were", so if you want to stay friends you could just do that to avoid awkwardness.

[Kate spiller]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Try to relax a bit. Just step back. He suggested "going back to the way things were", so if you want to stay friends you could just do that to avoid awkwardness.

The way we used to talk to was pretty daily and we were pretty involved in each other's lives.

I'm already stepping back by not communicating as much but I still want to check up on him occasionally to see if he's okay.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Kate spiller said:

I don't know how to make him more comfortable about me however.

He might be comfortable as friends, but not more. 

At this point, I wouldn't worry about trying to make him okay with you. It doesn't seem the interest is mutual so I would leave it here. If you two can be friendly again in the future, that's fine. But I wouldn't go out of my way to make that happen.