Kate spiller

Definitely a lesson learned.

That's how I felt too, I'm glad I no longer have to think about a "what if" scenario now that I got his final answer.

During college, we did work on a project together and had few short conversations with each other. I was more shy and did not approach him as much as I wanted because I thought he was not that interested in me as a person. There were instances where he complimented my hair, and when we took a bus together it always felt awkward between us. Then the covid pandemic hit and we did everything online, I had to go back to my city. Never saw him again. During our call I told him that I wish I spent more time with him and he said he feels the same. It was a pretty short 13 min call, I felt he was pretty stressed and wanted to end the call quick because tomorrow he had to go to work and it was kind of late.

I called him last night and confessed to him, sadly while crying. I asked how he saw me all this time and he admitted in all the years we've known each other since college, we didn't spend enough time for him get feelings for me. When we texted we were both very vulnerable to each other and he told me things he never told to anyone. He used to call me cute lots of times, was very nice and kind to me, never forgot my birthday and nameday, affectionate on his good days and wanted to come visit my city one day. I really thought we had a connection. He was very cold and detached all the way through, like he was in hurry. Before I called him I send him a message and he seemed very hesitant and worried to accept it, asking to write instead. I told him there's something that I can't simply write. When he called me, he seemed really anxious and not okay, I tried to set a light mood, asking how his day was but I could feel him not being in the mood to talk. After the rejection, he told me that he had relationships that lasted days only. He's not ready to date, he's not ready for a relationship, he needs time to move on, he's very stressed. Before this call, we hanged out for the first time in years and he was all awkward, nervous and fidgety around me. I saw that he wanted to hold my hand but gave up. He payed for my drink and took me to the place where he usually hangs out and plays board games. I really cared about him and still do. But I will give him space, remain friends and move on. Why is he so scared of me? Is he hiding his feelings from me?

The way we used to talk to was pretty daily and we were pretty involved in each other's lives. I'm already stepping back by not communicating as much but I still want to check up on him occasionally to see if he's okay.

I have realized that too, I hope we can meet as friends in the future. I don't know how to make him more comfortable about me however. I wished him good luck on his exams and he seemed to respond to me as usual

Could be excuses, so far I am the one who initiated most of the things. He is not only awkward but afraid too. I reassured him that we are still friends. He wants us to go back to where we were very vulnerable to each other but I can't do it anymore since it hurts me knowing my affections are not reciprocated in the same way.

I'm not sure if I can trust that information fully. Right before that he did lie to me about meeting with a friend using it as an excuse to not tell anyone about what we discussed because "it might upset her since he refused her." I just have a gut feeling that he's lying because he feels insecure, I know from him that he feels alone and maybe he wants to make it seem like he has more experience than he actually does. When I asked him out a few weeks ago he was busy with exams and was very sorry that he couldn't even do that. I told him that we'll find another time and that hopefully he gets to relax more in the future when he's done. He seemed to be sad because he said "What good to relax when you already lost all". Not certain what he was referring to there, he told me it was pretty vague and a metaphor. He is very regretful about his life too, told me his youth has passed. I feel really sorry for him because when I left him in the bus he seemed close to a breakdown and he told me it was because he was feeling nervous and angry because of the crowd. The meeting was confusing and I'm just trying to understand him because he was a good friend to me and I liked him a lot.

Would a guy lie about having had a relationship? I asked him to meet with me but the hangout turned into awkwardness and many breaks of silence. I also made the mistake of acting cold towards him because I thought he liked me more and got wakeup call when we interacted. Towards the end he asked me not to tell anyone from our friends group that we met because another friend asked to hang out with him on the same day but he refused her and accepted my invitation (i asked her when did they last text and she told me it was a few weeks ago so that was a lie; she used to like him too before she got in a relationship so idk). I got really hurt by this because I felt like his little dirty secret and told him so after the hangout. He also told me that he was in a relationship before during college and expected me to know because of the gossip. I had no idea. Again I asked the friend who used to talk more to him during that time and was more up to date with things going on in our class and she didn't know about it either. I texted him after the hang out apologising for not telling to his face that I used to like him but that he doesn't care about me as much as I thought he did so Ill try to move on. He told me not to worry about him, hell be fine, he's been through worse in the past years. He also was very sorry about the whole "secret meeting" think and asked me to forgive him because he doesn't value me less. He wants things to go back to the way they were before but I admitted I can't do that since it's too intimate for me. The whole time I spent with him he acted very nervous, hesitant and awkward. He was fidgeting and I noticed he wanted to hold my hand but gave up. Some time ago he told me he had paranoia. He denied feeling anxious though. Why would he lie? Especially about having had a girlfriend?