Did i got rejected ?? page 5

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hi,

 

I need to be her friend then... well that is easy.. she is so friendly with me.. well actually with most people but i can be her friend i think so... well if she likes me as a friend this could give a little hope right ??

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

ok first of all i need some encouragements stories and enought telling me move on move on .. like did anyone here got rejected and then got her again.... something like that ? or heard abt a story like his... someone told me before andrew aggasy was rejected and george bush also ?...

[ShySoul]

I think I have a story that could give you some hope, just let me get the details straight and I can pm you.

 

But I'm worried that you are going to hold onto this hope and turn out disappointed if nothing happens. I'm sorry to say that, even though it is possible, the odds are more likely that it won't. I'm trying to get you to see that you don't need to cut her out of your life to move on, but you also shouldn't be clinging to the hope that you will end up with her. There are plenty of other girls out there, don't put all your focus on this one. That's what people mean by move on. ANYTHING can happen in the future. If another opportunity comes along, take it. I'm concerned that you are putting so much in this one girl that you will miss out on someone staring you right in the face.

[Shidoshi]

Shidoshi,

 

I take what people confide in me very seriously, I know that when I confide in somebody that I want what is said to say between me and the person I tell. I'll see if its ok with them to reveal information, but I won't say anything without their permission. It's a matter of principal to me, I aim to be trustworthy and what kind of trust would it be if I go about blabbering situations to anyone who asked?

That's why I said you didn't have to name names. I could tell you a million stories about people I know and it wouldn't matter to them unless I revealed their "identities." Every single detail isn't important, just the main points, but I just asked out of curiosity at the time, it really isn't a big deal to me. I wouldn't want to go digging through a bunch of old posts just to prove a point unless I really felt it necessary.

However, if you were to look at my past posts I think you'll see that I've mentioned a number of situations from my own personal experiences in real life.

Speaking of, what ever happened between you and that girl you used to post about?

Sometimes the most qualified people aren't the ones with the most experience, but the ones who have the best understanding of the task at hand.

I'm sorry but this just doesn't make any sense. How can you have the "best" understanding without the "experience"? When it comes to relationships you absolutely cannot understand them unless you experience them, even if you disagree with others, atleast you can say "yes, this happened to me many times." The conversation can actually get deeper, but when you say things that most experienced people KNOW isn't really the way it happens generally, you'll will get fierce opposition.

I don't automatically think I know what is best or what will work, I didn't assume I knew women or want to waste time trying to figure them out. Instead I went to the source.

Yes, but my friend, what man hasn't tried this already?

I talk to girls, I observed them. I know what they like, what they don't, how they think, how they act. I got another message saying I understand women this morning, I'll see if she'll let me use it.

You still don't understand the difference between "observing" and actually "interacting" with them. Trust me, there's a HUGE difference.

And do you remember yahoo? He was extremely outspoken against me and my lack of so called experience. Yet even he said I understand women better then most.

Ahh yes, I remember, but in what way did he say you "knew" them better than most? I've spoken to yahoo, and I can't imagine him saying that without it either being sarcastic, or having some other meaning.

I've seen everything that could possible go wrong and why it happened.

I'm sorry, I don't think anyone could honestly claim that, not even myself.

So I'm in a great position to give advice on how not to fall into these traps or start down a road that.

"Seeing" doesn't put you in a great position to give advice when it comes to relationships. I'm not ruling out every single piece of advice you give because some of it is actually pretty good, but people who have actually been through these situations can tell almost immediately that you haven't yet experienced the complexities involved with emotions and feelings that develop when you're actually in a relationship. They cannot be "observed" to be understood sufficiently.

If you want that to, listen to me. Everything I say is designed to prevent such bad things from happening and to allow for the calm, satisfying relationship we all seek. It can happen, and it will happen because of the basic things I advise: being nice, thoughtful, considerate, respectful, communicating, listening to each other, forgetting about who's in control, forgetting about games, etc.

Who doesn't wish things were this easy? You just don't understand that human beings aren't built to be this "understanding," and "rational." Emotions are rarely EVER rational.

 

Well, you know how I love debating with you but I think I'll stop right here, as I have a habit of hijacking people's posts. I just can't help it sometimes

 

As far as Always situation, I'd say for the most part you've given him some decent advice. I personally think he shouldn't waste his time even trying to remain friends because there are already romatic feelings involved and that's never good in this type of situation.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

ahhhh what should i do ???? be a frienddd ? stay away ??? whaaaaaaaat

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

one thing, guys please if u have something encouraging plz say it if not keep all the advices for ur selves coz i really dont want more depression thanks...

[Shidoshi]

one thing, guys please if u have something encouraging plz say it if not keep all the advices for ur selves coz i really dont want more depression thanks...

Look at it this way, she already made it clear that she doesn't see you as more than a friend. You can either except it and just be a friend she talks to from time-to-time, or you can move on and not talk to her any more. The consequences for remaining her friend are that you're going to have to deal with her talking about guys she likes and other things that will irritate you because you have feelings for her. If you don't think you can handle that just leave her alone and find other girls to talk to. There is no magic pill that's going to make her see you as a boyfriend...

[ShySoul]

Always, read my pm. I hope that helps.

 

That's why I said you didn't have to name names. I could tell you a million stories about people I know and it wouldn't matter to them unless I revealed their "identities." Every single detail isn't important, just the main points,

 

I just prefer to hold things in stricter confidence, my belief. But if you really paid attention to my posts (no need to dig through them, I don't want to do that either) I've given all kinds of examples. The situations have been right there and have supported my points.

 

Speaking of, what ever happened between you and that girl you used to post about?

 

I've been meaning to post that for awhile. However, things took an interesting twist that nobody predicted and I'm waiting for everything to sort itself out. I'll say eventually, but in the meantime I'll just take a page from you guys who always told me that I needed to build up the suspense and anticipation by holding things back. Turn abouts fair play.

 

How can you have the "best" understanding without the "experience"? When it comes to relationships you absolutely cannot understand them unless you experience them, even if you disagree with others, atleast you can say "yes, this happened to me many times." The conversation can actually get deeper, but when you say things that most experienced people KNOW isn't really the way it happens generally, you'll will get fierce opposition.

 

Just because you have experience doesn't mean you have the best information either. Ok, this example is intentionally exaggerated but it proves my point. Say you have someone who has had 500 dates. Yet, none of those dates lead to a relationship or even a second date. Sure, he has more experience dating then most but are you going to tell me that he is someone who should be giving advice on dating? He can get dates, but he can't get a relationship. And if you can't do that, then your no better off then I am. I'd say your actually worse. Clearly, he doesn't understand things. However, someone who gets one date and it leads to a relationship; someone who never gets turned down for a date; someone who may only have a handful of dates in his life but that lead to a long lasting marriage. That person has understanding. And thats what I'm working on. A combination of bad timing, having different interests then those I am around, and me messing up in the past and letting fear and anxiety control me... thats pushed things back a bit. But when the time comes, I won't just get a date or get a girlfriend I'll have a romance that you've never dreamed of.

 

I also have to wonder about how much help some of you are to some of these people. When did you have your first date? I've seen you guys giving advice to people who are 20 and have never had a gf. How can you give them advice if you have never been in there shoes? You don't know what it feels like to go without someone for that long. So if I shouldn't be advising on things I have no experience in, neither should you.

 

And yet, even you admit that I gave Always good advice. Clearly I know what I'm talking about in some regards. I have never claimed to know everything or that I am always right. I am simply stating my opinion and trying my best to help people based upon what I have seen work. Some people listen and I have helped them. People are free to do what they want, all I am doing is offering my opinion. That's why people come here, to get as much advice as they can. I offer that advice. Nothing wrong with that. But what is wrong is to tell someone they shouldn't be giving advice and that they don't know what they are talking about. I have experienced more then anyone's given me credit for. I've turned a girl down because it wasn't right. I get it so well, that the problems I hear are almost predictable given the attitude of those involved. It's usually the same situations over and over with minor changes in detail.

 

And about that fierce opposition, other then kitz its come from a handful of guys. Girls have tended to say something that backed me up or just stayed out of it. And of those handful of guys, I know at least one hasn't had a real girlfriend either. So credibility isn't on your side either.

 

Yes, but my friend, what man hasn't tried this already?

 

Difference, I actually listen. I actually give them what they want and really pay attention to what they say and do. Girls aren't a mystery, they tell you what they want if you just bother to listen. Take Always, she told him that she just wanted to be friends and that she didn't know him well enough to like him that way. What he needs to do take her at her word, be her friend, and get to know her. Or eddies's post in the dating section where she told him what she wanted out of him but that he refused to do. When I do find someone, I can avoid these situations by listening to her. And whe problems do arise, we'll talk it out and I'll listen to her so I know where the real issue is.

 

You still don't understand the difference between "observing" and actually "interacting" with them. Trust me, there's a HUGE difference.

 

I've said it before but I have always gotten along better with girls. Elementay and middle school, I played with the girls far more then I did with the boys. High school, more conversations with girls then guys. Same in college. I've always interacted with girls, and have gotten along very well. Yes, it hasn't been on a date or in a romantic sense, but I simply haven't found the right person. I have interacted and observed, I've always been closer to girls than guys. I get them, and having said that, who better to give advice on the fairer sex then I (well, a girl but they seem to generally say the same thing so...)

 

Yahoo, I had his comments saved somewhere but I am having trouble getting to it. I'll send it to you later.

 

I'm sorry, I don't think anyone could honestly claim that, not even myself.

 

Did you read that list? If you can think of something that was missing then go ahead and tell me what it is, maybe it slipped my mind. If anything I have seen more then my share and can use that to my advantage. And if people stop focusing on the never dated part and actually pay attention to what I say, they'd see its some good advice. Listen to the music, not the song.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hey thanks shy soul it really helped.... well shodoshi... thanks for ur help but it seems u cant undestand that it is enought from depressing advices and u can help other people ok ?

 

Well i think i got over her and now i feel better... i even got more confidence in my self... but for sure i still have hope...

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hey thanks shy soul it really helped.... well shodoshi... thanks for ur help but it seems u cant undestand that it is enought from depressing advices and u can help other people ok ?

 

Well i think i got over her and now i feel better... i even got more confidence in my self... but for sure i still have hope...

[Shidoshi]

hey thanks shy soul it really helped.... well shodoshi... thanks for ur help but it seems u cant undestand that it is enought from depressing advices and u can help other people ok ?

I don't even know what this means exactly. I don't think the advice I gave you was "depressing," it was "realistic," and yes I know the truth hurts sometimes. I like giving people advice without the BS, but I know not everyone can handle it. I find it a little humorous that Shy sent you a pm over this, but whatever. I keep my advice out in the open to be scrutinized by anyone who feels the need, unless I'm asked specifically through a pm.

but for sure i still have hope...

If you are referring to having something happen with that girl, I guess you'll have to learn the hard way. Anyway, good luck!

[ShySoul]

I find it a little humorous that Shy sent you a pm over this, but whatever. I keep my advice out in the open to be scrutinized by anyone who feels the need, unless I'm asked specifically through a pm

 

I sent a pm because I wanted to tell him something in private. In the open advice can be critcized, and my posts seem to get that a good deal for some bizarro reason. Any idea why? But sometimes one on one advice works better because you can actually relate to the person without constant interference. Always seemed to be responding to me, so I wanted to give him personalized advice that wasn't going to be picked at by someone else. Besides, it was easier to do it this way since I had so much unrelated stuff to say to you and I wanted to give him personalized attention.

 

Don't worry, I still said that he shouldn't put his hopes on this girl and shouldn't pass up opportunites when they come.

 

I had a couple of other quick comments. I haven't just observed, I've endured the things I talk about. I've always had the ability to emphasise with people, when they hurt I hurt. It might be different when your actually in it, but I can feel enough on my own to know that I want to avoid and I figure out a way to do so. I'm the type of guy who would rather see myself hurt then someone else, so that when another is feeling bad, I take on the pain myself. I put myself in their shoes as best I can. That helps me relate to them, lets them trust me so that they open up and I get a better understanding, and enables me to come up with a better solution and means of dealing with future scenarios.

 

As far as the complexities, if you even knew half of the tangled mess that is my life, you wouldn't be saying I don't understand the complexities.

 

Emotions are rational. Understanding is what we all seek, about ourselves, others, the world.The most amazing thing about life is the way that everything works together in an amazing tapestry to create this seemless fabric. Most might see randomness and chaos, but when you see the underlying order to everything your views will shift tremendously. Relationships are generally easy, few circumstances couldn't either be solved with some simple measures or have been prevented with some forsight and common sense. The reason most people make things harder then it needs to be, is because they believe it has to be hard.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

Shidoshi,

 

What i mean is : that i knew the truth.. i dont need any one again tell me the painful truth for 2 reasons : Because i already knew it... and because it is painful...

 

But the thing which amazed me really, why guys u dont have faith and believe in god and yourselves... i know being with her is a difficult thing but not impossible!! i wont put much hope in it and i wont try to make it happen i will just keep things running smoothly normally... But you must know that anything could happen in anytime... Who knows ?

 

Shysoul, u send me this inspiring stories and told me dont expect this to happen to you... well again no i must expect this... that is what HOPE is about... so finally here is what iam going to do....

 

I wont talk to her that much again while not making it offensive... act confidently with girls and mostly with everybody... she should know that she is the one who lost not me.... I wont be her friend who loved her one time... we can go out with bunch of friends and stuff but i wont act towards her... just a little bit less than normal.... iam planning with friends which she is one of them.. to go out on saturday.... should i invite her myself without acting too friendly like : we are going out on...... if you'd like to come... well i didnt talk to her since 2 days..... should i tell her myself abt this thing or let someone else tell her ?? in either way i will act confident try to talk to other people and stuff like that.. i wont act confident i will be actually a confident person... seems nice ??

 

Almost forget: Sometimes a winner, is a dreamer who just wont quit.

[ShySoul]

Ever heard the saying: hope for the best, prepare for the worst?

 

I have faith and hope that everything will work out for the best. I still think about someday things working out with a girl I've liked. And it could happen. But there are so many possibility that to just limit yourself to one thing can blind you to something else. For all you know there is another girl watching you from afar wishing that you would notice her. She could be everything you could want, even better then the girl you currently like. But because you are so blinded by the possibility of being with one person eventually, you miss out entirely on someone else. That's what I don't want to see you do.

 

Hope isn't about expecting one specific thing to happen, its about believing that everything works out for the best. This girl, another girl... what happens will be what is meant to happen. What is meant to be will always find a way. But theres no guarantee that what you think is meant to be, is meant to be. Life has a way of surprising you, and what happens can be better then what you had hoped for.

 

Also, don't act less then normal or more than normal. Just be normal, a friend. Don't be overly flirting like you are together, but don't hold yourself back. Just treat her like you would anyother friend. Otherwise, your ok.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

you didnt answer me... should i tell her abt going out with friends myself or let somoene tell her ? also no i wont be like i was.... no way.... i must be ignore her a little...

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hey guys, ok now i decided not to think about her again.. and what i mean by this is that things could become better in the future but i wont depend on them... i wont wait for her .. i will move on ...

 

THE BEST SOLUTION NOW: I WILL JUST LEAVE THINGS AS THEY ARE !!!!

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, look at this post

link removed

 

thats what i meant that we could end together.... that is the hope iam looking for.... she changed her mind... that could be encouraging to me

 

Anyways, i think i got over this girl... If she dont wanna be with me she is the one who lost not me...

[Markers]

"It all boils down to two choices - try for him or get over him. Only you can decide. Good luck whatever you choose."

 

 

I'm in sorta similar situation. I picked both. Although it might not sound like it, I have really gotten over her - I don't truly care if she calls back or not. Of course I wish it happened, because at the moment there's nobody other, and I realize that drastically better ones won't come.I still know what I'm gonna do if she does call: I'm not gonna be all over her again and screw up.

 

The better you get over her, the better your chances become. You see, if you hang out with her when she knows you like her and it shines through from you like a beacon, you'll never get her if she didn't like you in the first place. Trust me on this. You must get over her before you can get her. Otherwise you just do the same mistakes again that resulted the first rejection.

[Shidoshi]

I sent a pm because I wanted to tell him something in private.

Obviously.

In the open advice can be critcized, and my posts seem to get that a good deal for some bizarro reason. Any idea why?

You still haven't figured it out? I think "bizarro" describes some of the advice you give out, but that's just my opinion. I'm not attacking you, but you like to defend yourself, and I enjoy debating with you because you don't just get upset and leave. As you've probably noticed, I'm very argumentative and opinionated.

But sometimes one on one advice works better because you can actually relate to the person without constant interference.

I "knew" why you did it, that's why I found it entertaining. That's also why I'm not going to post anything more about it. What can I expect really, the guy is only 18, sometimes you have to "see" things for yourself.

It might be different when your actually in it, but I can feel enough on my own to know that I want to avoid and I figure out a way to do so.

You prove my arguments again and again, just on your own, and you don't even realize it.

As far as the complexities, if you even knew half of the tangled mess that is my life, you wouldn't be saying I don't understand the complexities.

I'm not referring to anything about your life outside of having sexual relationships with "women."

Emotions are rational.

A lot of the time they aren't. What is rational about a woman who loves a guy that physically and mentally "abuses" her? There is nothing "rational" about it, of course there are a number of reasons why she feels this way, but it is FAR from rational.

Relationships are generally easy, few circumstances couldn't either be solved with some simple measures or have been prevented with some forsight and common sense.

If you say so... the word "naivety" comes to mind after reading such a statement.

[Shidoshi]

Shidoshi,

 

What i mean is : that i knew the truth.. i dont need any one again tell me the painful truth for 2 reasons : Because i already knew it... and because it is painful...

You know what that's called right? DENIAL. If you already "knew" why did you come here asking for advice on how to "change" it? My advice to you was geared toward preventing you from "wasting time" trying to make something happen that probably wasn't going to be successful. As I mentioned earlier, sometimes I guess we have to experience things for ourselves...

[Elfdrinkingtea]

We can be friend. THose are teh four words I most hated when a girl i like say that to me. You can't do anythign abotu it since she just want to be friend. Just be her friend for now, she might change her mind when she find out that you're a nice guy and a boyfriend material or when she is ready she will tell you.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

Shidoshi,

 

Well thanks for ur help but i mean i need info about the next step now.. i think i got over her more more than first... i still think about ther for sure but no that kind of hurt and pain u know.. this is a good thing right ?

 

Well yeah this kind of liking to her wont shine again to her and i wont act that kind of little boy looking for her approval.... Just normally with confidence she dont want me well i dont care too... but if something could change in the future hmm we will c.....

 

I called her and she didnt answer.. i think she was sleeping coz she wake up late... she called me then and i didnt answer.. then i called and snt her a msg that we are going out if she would like to come.... with friends... and she didnt answer... well at this point i wont call her again....

 

I think she feels that iam ignoring her alittle bit maybe thats why she is trying to ignore me also a little bit... is that a good thing ? thanks

again if she dont want me, i dont care she is the one who will lose..

[ShySoul]

I think she feels that iam ignoring her alittle bit maybe thats why she is trying to ignore me also a little bit... is that a good thing

 

Ignoring people is not good period. Could lead to resentment or a game of neither person wanting to talk to the other first. And that just ruins any chance of anything between you even only friends. It's one thing if its miscommunication or you keep missing each other, but if its being done intentionally, that's a problem.

 

Shidoshi, my friend:

 

You still haven't figured it out? I think "bizarro" describes some of the advice you give out, but that's just my opinion. I'm not attacking you, but you like to defend yourself, and I enjoy debating with you because you don't just get upset and leave

 

To quote Foghorn Leghorn, "that was a joke son, you missed it." I get why people make comments towards me, probably even better then they do. I was making light of everything, have to get in some laughs or we'll all go crazy in this world. If you think some of my advice is bizarro, fine just don't follow them. But they work for me and they've worked for others, so there doing some good. And I don't get upset or leave because: 1) I've learned to stand up for myself and my believes against all odds 2) I know in my heart I'm right and my confidence is renewed when I get told that I have helped someone or that I am right 3) getting upset and leaving would be precisely what some of you probably want; in my experience if you get angry or frustrated, that just feeds into the people arguing with you but if you hold your hold ground and stay cool then you show they can't get to you.

 

I'm very argumentative and opinionated.

 

To quote you, obviously .

 

You prove my arguments again and again, just on your own, and you don't even realize it.

 

Funny, I was going to say that about you. And to modify the statement as it's easy to forget a word or two that makes a world of difference: It might be SLIGHTLY different, in the sense that any situation will have slight variations. But the basic ideas will stay the same. If anything, when your involved you may get overly emotional. That's why having being able to step back and thinking about the experiences can help. Then you can see how the overemotional, knee jerk reactions didn't help and you can prevent or correct them immediately. It's learning from others peoples mistakes. It's like the quote, "those who do not learn from the mistakes of the past are doomed to repeat." I'm learning from mistakes that have been made in the past so I'll be less likely to repeat them.

 

I'm not referring to anything about your life outside of having sexual relationships with "women."

 

First, you don't think outside factors can affect people's relationship with women? What we experience in our pasts, from observing others has a huge impact on such relationships. Say you were sexually abused as a kid. That's going to play a big role in how you treat the issue of sex, perhaps making you fearful and thus presenting an extra obstacle. That's just one example, but clearly outside factors are a consideration as well.

 

Second, why is the word "sexual" needed in there? I think it's pretty clear that what I'm seeking is relationships with women, nothing sexual about it. That will happen when it happens. And everything I have said has got me to more relationships (friendships) with women in my life then with men. Bad circumstances and bad luck have prevented romantic relationships, but I don't mind cause the more friendships I have, more chance of finding the right one. Maybe therein is the difference, my detractors focus on sexually relations whereas I'm more concerned with being the kind of guy that women are friends with and eventually end up with.

 

Emotions are logical if not rational. They always make sense, if you have the proper understanding of the situation. Even someone who clings to an abuser, you can know why she does it. It's not right or healthy, but its understandable. And thats how you help her, by empathising with her and understanding her torn feelings, slowly working with her to see what she already knows is best for her.

 

If you say so... the word "naivety" comes to mind after reading such a statement.

 

Then I'm in good company as the one's who could be considered naive are often later called visionaries. They don't except the way things are, they fight it. They don't give in when challenged, they hold steady. I bet Ghandi was told it was naive to think non-violence and passive resistance could work against Britain, yet it did. I bet the thirteen colonies were told it was naive to think they could survive on their own, yet they did. I bet Galileo was told it was naive to think the earth was round, and he was condemned for that. Yet, he held to his belief and was right. Maybe things would be better if we were all just a little more "naive."

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

i really cant figure out why the hell did she rejected me ? lol

 

Really ? she is still acting so friendly talking alot and stuff which will drive me crazy soon.. i wont rush again and put myself in the same problem no no .... I told her that there are somethings she cant understand... she told me she always haveto crack my secret code.. i told her that is not a big problem... she said nooo it is huuuuuuge... could be this the reason she rejected me..

 

I wont throw myself again as i did before.. i have to learn from my mistakes... ahhhhhhhh really i cant be that friendly withsomone who told me i like u and i dont like him.. Well and if she likes me as a friend this could be a good thing right ? or is it bad ?