here it is!

[whathappensnext]

i feel so bad for thinking about this. i don't want to live any longer but i can't hurt people. yeah people might be thinking oh darn a 16 year old girl who has people who love her might commit suicide. darn what a hard life she has someone there for her. when most people don't have anyone. well i've never year thought about suicide before until this year. this year hmmm well i just think that i will and everyone else will be better off if i were gone. oh and yes i know people will say what about the people who love you. well everyone says do something for yourself this is the one thing that will be best for me i think. i started cutting last year on my b-day. and my parents found out this year and its like they don't care how it makes me feel. all my mom can say is how do you think we feel stop thinking about yourself. i'm in councling and on meds but oh guess what just like they said the suicidal thoughts started showing up. i have no clue what i'm going to do. i think i just needed to vent who knows.

[melrich]

The was an academic study done in the states some years ago. There is a bridge over there (can't remember which one) that a lot of people jump off to commit suicide. Jumping is a pretty definitive way to commit suicide, not a lot of people jump for attention!

 

Anyway these academics tracked down about a 100 people who had jumped from this bridge over the previous 15 years or so and survived somehow (apparently about 2000 people jumped and didn't survive).

 

So they tracked them down to ask them the question "what did you think on the way down?"

 

I don't remember the exact percentage but it was above 90% said they thought words to this effect " What the hell have I done, my problems weren't that bad. I could have managed."

 

Check what your problems really are.

[kaboom]

You've heard it all before, but suicide really isnt a way out. There is always something to live for. and if there isn't, you can always find it. It's been a very long time since i last thought about suicide, but things haven't gotten much better around me. The trick for me is to find stuff that makes life enjoyable, if only for a while. Music, a good book, talking with a friend...

Things always get better at some point. When they REALLY dont get better though is if you're beating yourself up about being a burden to everyone around you. That really isnt so. People are always very cruel, if you were, they probably wouldn't be talking to you.

I know this is probably being a heck of a long storm (since u've been cutting for a while and stuff) but its always great to hold on and see the sun come out.

and when the comes out you can sit, look at it, smile and be really proud of yourself and think about how no matter how hellish the storm got, you survived.

[shes2smart]

You mention you're on medication, but don't mention what kind. You also mention you've never thought about suicide until this year. Are you aware that some psychotropic meds (anti-depressants, anti-anxiety) have the side effect of suicidal thoughts? Odd, but true. There were stories in the news about it a while back. Specifically regarding the use of these drugs in children and teens. There was a group of people who were trying to get certain anti-depressant drugs banned for use in children and teens because of it. They succeeded in getting Prozac banned for use in children and teens in the UK.

 

You need to tell the doc who prescribed your medication that you are having these thoughts. It is entirely possible that you are on the wrong type of medication for your body chemistry. You owe it to yourself to find out if it's just the medication screwing with your brain.

 

This is from the National Institute of Mental Health website:

 

 

 

The entire article is at nimh.nih.gov/healthinformation/antidepressant_child.cfm

[whathappensnext]

well thanks guys. i do know that anti depressents do have that effect. and i can tell my doctor or anyone else. why should i so i have people watching me every minute of every hour. and i'm not going to be locked up either. i and oldly enough i haven't heard those things be said to me anyway. and i know life will get better eventually. and i don't have it bad right now but i guess its bad enough to want to hurt myself.

[kaboom]

NOOOOOO!!!!! no hurt yourself!!!! that really isnt the way either!!! Splicing your skin or punching walls isn't going to help either! Taking out pain with pain really isnt a good idea, because its sorta like using drugs to ease the pain. It might make it go away for a while, but in the end it just comes back, its worse than before, and u feel it on top of the pain coming from ur skin.

Lean on your friends. Real friends will never tell you to bugger off when they know you need them. just let them now you are feeling really down, that life sucks ETC...

i think u need to look at what's making life suck at the moment, and see if you can change anything.

oh and if u ever need to talk, email removed and i'll give you my number. there is a BIG time diff from the states to spain, but if anyone ever needs to talk that phone is open 24/7/365

Things WILL get better

[whathappensnext]

thanks but listen. for me cutting isn't about fighting pain with pain. i know its not the best way and i know i shouldn't do it,but i'll ask you the same question i asked my friend. "is it better to cut and live then don't and die?" and lean on my friends? i've put them through so much and i don't want to put them through more. and yes if their my real friends they'd listen. and yes if i do something and i don't go to them first they'd be upset.but i don't like to put alot on people and telling them all this will. i don't want people to worry about me its not needed. so sorry if i upset you guys by posting it wont happen agian.

[kaboom]

I'd much rather worry and have you live. Of course you didn't upset us by posting! if we got upset by that kind of thing, we wouldnt be hanging 'round here would we?

I think the time has come to start being a bit more selfish. stop thinking about what the others will think/will be worried about. they're there for you, and u'll be there for them.

don't think people are better off without you, because they wont. Everyone is important, and everyone will be missed.

Please keep posting, and keep fighting!

Check ur PMs

[whathappensnext]

well thanks. but the thing is i'm only living cuz i love everyone else to much to hurt them.