it doesn't matter what i say but....

[saku]

my feelings toward suicide has been a tug of war as of late. but the one thing that makes me feel like ending my life is the way things are for me socially. i'm just not good at opening up and fitting in....but that doesn't mean i don't bloody try. it is frustating when all you want is for someone to notice you...and they overlook you like you don't matter. someone came into this office i was in and i tried to say hi, but she just acted as if i wasn't there. she chatted with soem other people in the office which didn't bother me but as she left she said something about keeping soemthing a secret...and that it wasn't a big deal to say it out loud in the office because n one was in there. well i was....and while i know i socially suck at fitting in, i'm a human bloody human being just like her. i don't know if she's being mean on purpose, but i hate how i'm not even worth a hello.

 

 

it pisses me off that people expect me to do things that are difficult for me to do, yet no one has to even acknowledge my presense. it's nice to know no matter how good hearted i try to be, people won't care and in the end, i'd be better off dead.

[rebecka]

I think you may be overreacting on ending your life.. no matter how bad a situation is-that is NOT the answer! stop caring so much about some girl who is just plain rude..its not worth it. what do you do for fun? does anythign you do give fullfillment in your life? do you have family or friends? i dont think that the people who truly care about you is expecting you to be someone your not..your being too hard on yourself..instead of looking at the bad things, look at the good things..your living, your healthy, you have a job...

[chai714]

If you haven't already picked up and read "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie, give it a read. Basically, the principle behind the book and life is that you win friends by becoming interested in THEIR lives. You ask questions about their lives, their experiences, and their hobbies. You then share some about yourself, then shift it back to them. Yes, socializing is a skill, but it's a skill that can be learned.

 

I'm not sure why and if you're thinking suicide, but forget about that for now and pick up this book. You seem like the perfect candidate for it, but it's a good read for everyone. Remember though, you get other people interested in YOU, by first becoming interested in THEM. Small talk can get you in the door too, it happens all the time. Good luck.

[saku]

this isn't just because of some lady being rude.....the problem is that people look at me very differently. and looking at the things i got...saying at least i have health or a job (a work study job mind you) is like saying at elast a gun shot to the foot is better than one to the head. that lady isn't perfect, but if she was sitting at a desk, i wouldn't walk over to the bloody desk and start taking things. when she said what she said, she talked as if i wasn't there. i have a crap load of reasons to end my life and don't get me wrong i'm not blaming that lady or anyone else....but there actions affect me just as my actions have affected people.

 

the difference between me and those who hurt me is that i realized my actions hurt...they just don't care. it's stupid to be looked at in a bad way no matter what. to hell with living and changing over and over and bloody over again when none of it matters in the long run.

[CrystalDawn]

It does matter, every person your nice to will likely be nice to another person and that person to another. it's a never ending chain. Try not to let others get to you so much. Your kind hearted and that's not a bad thing. I'm the same way. I'm also invisable to most it seems like people even run into me then act like they didn't see me and stuff. I know how much it hurts. But there's so much more to life then how much of a social butterfly you are and who likes you. There are people that will talk to you. But there are some that are stuck up snobs that don't say hi to anyone they feel is below them.