What do I do now?

[lil_mamarains13]

Last weekend my boyfriend and I broke up. We were living together for a year. I am so sad and lost. I miss him so much. I have to go to his house today and take care of a few more things and pick up a few more things. I wondered if anyone had any suggestions on what I should or should not say to maybe help rebuild our relationship. I just want to die without him. I don't want to breathe. I am taking care of myself and doing what I have to do, but I am so lonely. I miss going home to him after work. I miss playing with his kids on the weekends he got them. I am just so upset. Please help me.

[punchy504]

there is nothing you can say right now that will magically make everything better, get your stuff work on yourself and your life.

[lil_mamarains13]

So are you saying there is no hope for a future between the two of us?

[punchy504]

I don't know, I don't know him, I would guess not, at least not right now.

[avman]

What happened to cause the breakup?

[lil_mamarains13]

Well we had been arguing for a couple of weeks. The night we broke up we were arguing and I ask him if he wanted to be with me and he said no so I moved out even though he said that I didn't have to. He said that I could live there but we couldn't be together. To me it didn't make since to live there if we weren't going to be together so I moved. Maybe I shouldn't have moved. I don't know. I am confused and just want to disappear off of the face of the earth because I am so tired of being hurt.

[DN]

I agree with avman that it would help to know why the break up happened. It is hard to give advice in a vaccum, so to speak.

 

Did you break up after a fight or after you had talked through the issues? Usually the only way you can hope to get back together after a break-up is to know what caused it, if it can be fixed and whether both people are willing to try.

[avman]

Is it possible you both might have reacted in the heat of the moment and said and done things that neither of you really wanted to? He said he didn't want to be with you, but that could have been from anger. You got hurt and immediately moved out even though he didn't want you to do that.

 

Maybe you two could cool off for a little bit and then try a little light dating and talking. Try to figure out what went wrong in the relationship and see if it is salvagable or not.

[hurtAgain]

Sometimes, we act in the heat of the moment.

Many times after an argument I'd get up and leave or hung up the phone...only to find myself going back or calling again.

SO, why do it in the first place?

 

it would help to know the real reason of the breakup...Only than we can put our 2 cents in.

 

Until than, don't forget that sometimes people are too proud to go back on their word. Definetly I wasn't. So I was taken for granted.

We have been apart for 3 weeks now...after 3.5 years...and we work together on the same floor...Speaking of hurt!!!

[Hope75]

I agree with avman, that there may be a chance for the two of you, but you need to be patient and give it some time.

 

It's odd that he broke up with you but didn't want you to move out, which is why I wonder how much of what he said was in anger just to hurt you in the moment he felt mad, and how much of it was real.

 

How much were you guys arguing before this string of fights? Has the relationship been Ok otherwise? Are there any other issues that could have contributed to the breakdown of the relationship before it ended?

[DN]

Well we had been arguing for a couple of weeks. The night we broke up we were arguing and I ask him if he wanted to be with me and he said no so I moved out even though he said that I didn't have to. He said that I could live there but we couldn't be together. To me it didn't make since to live there if we weren't going to be together so I moved. Maybe I shouldn't have moved. I don't know. I am confused and just want to disappear off of the face of the earth because I am so tired of being hurt.

 

It sounds to me as if you asked him in the heat of the moment if he wanted to be with you, he replied in the same way and things escalated from there. It happens when you fight like that instead of talking issues through calmly and trying to compromise.

 

I think you should tell him you don't want to break up with him, that you hope that he does not really want to break up with you, and suggest you sit down and work things out as you should have done in the first place. Don't let false pride stand in your way - and don't let his stop you either.

 

Learn to communicate properly. Good luck.

[Blancpain95139]

Ok, you probably have heard, "interest," and, "level," used but never together. Someone's interest level can be anywhere from 1 to 100. Only that specific individual knows what his/her level is. When your partner's interest level hits 50 or below, you can NEVER, EVER raise it. Think about your ex-boyfriends. When you broke-up with them, you probably waited until there was no way you would ever take him back. That means your interest level went below 50.

 

Not knowing the details of your break-up, here's how I read things. Your interest level in your ex-, right now, is probably between 75 and 90. I say 90 because women, in general, when they have to do the chasing, causes their interest level to sky rocket. On the other hand, your ex-'s is probably between 45 and 60. How do I know that? The way he's acting. He let you move out. I guy with higher interest level wouldn't do that unless something really, really bad happened, like you cheated on him. Which by the way, other than messing with his children, is the worst thing a woman can do to a guy.

 

How do you raise your ex-'s interest level? Stop WANTING him. You ever notice that when someone always wants you to love them that person becomes less and less attractive to you? Same thing here. However, if your ex-'es interest level is below 50, call it quits. You'll never get him back.

 

The best thing to do at this point is move on....

 

Hope this helps.

[lil_mamarains13]

I don't want to move on. I went to his house yesterday to get some more things. He gave me the mail box key back to check to see if I had any mail. I ask him if I could give him a hug and he said sure. I hugged him and he hugged me back just like it used to be, and he said that he knows that things aren't supposed to be like this. I told him I wanted to at least be able to get to where we can talk to each other again and he said that some day we probably will. I said I know you need time and I need time. He didn't agree or disagree. I'm so sad, and I just don't want to go on without him. I just feel like I am in a nightmare and I can't wake up. All I think about is going home to him. I just don't know how things got so out of control. I don't want to move on. I don't know how to move on. How do I even tell what his interest level is? Help me someone before I do something stupid to ruine everything.

[DN]

Give him a week and then call to ask him to talk with you.

 

If he will talk make sure you both talk without blame or anger but in a spirit of compromise.