Confused between two | love

[Nupur]

Hi all,

I met a guy about an year back online thorough a computer game and to this date we had been in contact on social media off and on like a good friend. In the very beginning he said "if you were here, I would have asked you out" (we live way too far from each other), by that time I was already having crush on this guy and when he said those sentences, I could not hold and told him that I like him a lot. I had a boyfriend that time, so I told him that honestly as well and this connection resumed as a good friend (like sharing memes or talking about game stuffs or wishing each other on certain occasions). And he really did respected the fact that I have a boyfriend and we never ever had chatted in a way that it felt cheating.

Few months after, me and my boyfriend broke up for certain reason, I took a month or so break from everything. But I still had an inclination towards this guy, we still chatted on and off (like once or twice a week on meme or any random topic) and I think over time I started falling hard for him. I have always been clear about my feelings so quite often I would let him know that I like him and if I ever happen to come to his place around, I would like to grab a coffee with him and talk in person for long (I like communications), he was okay with that, he never said he don't want to meet.

Things passed by and now all of a sudden one of my old (not so old, like I know him from about 1.5 year or so) showed up in town and we met as a friend "until" we started dating casually (shocking right?!!!!! to my very core). Everything happened so fast (like literally hardly a day of gap) that I could not figure out how should I tackle this. Its been about 3 weeks I am going out with this guy but damn my brain is killing every single day understanding what all this is!

Let me tell you what my brain is saying to me:

Good:

Hey! its okay you are single and you have full right to date people, you are not cheating on anyone.

I know you like (or "love") that guy (Guy A, the one I met online), but he never said he wants to be in relationship with me or he is looking forward to meet me as eagerly as I am. Even if we meet, he never gave me a guarantee that he would date me, or is it possible at all as we will eventually live far from each other.

Guy B (the one I am in casual relationship with) has been good to you! He is giving you the warmth of touch, the hugs, the care, the fact that he asks every day that hey "how are u". It all feels good right?

Bad:

You are not in love with Guy B. Are u? (but it feels good with him, is it cz he is physically there with u?)

You are cheating on your self acclaimed "love" (guy A) (Even though guy A is not in relationship with me, but I used to share a lot of such big news with him)

You are emotionally cheating on guy B, by still being with him knowing that you "love" guy A. (Recently I told guy B everything about guy A but the next day we still seem to have same attraction towards each other and we are continuing our connection normally!!!)

Damn! its so confusing! (Damn pls don't judge me, I have been giving myself enough hard time on all these things).

I am unsure of what to do. Should I strictly leave guy B (but the moment I think of that, I start missing the hugs and the kisses (more than sex honestly) and the fact that he cares for me). Or should I let my long time "crush" or "love" go ? (oh this is so tough, I had a strong inclination and rough plan of meeting him this year until God changed the whole plan in 1 day!!! I definitely wanna meet him and see my chance to date him, I wanna know him more, I wanna listen to him more in person... so much so that I might end up forgetting that I am even in a relationship (if that would be the case in future) if I ever meet him.!!)

What's wrong with me? what should I do?

[Wiseman2]

The cyberpal you never met is a fantasy. You're "in love" with a romance novel you scripted in your head.

The local guy you're dating is a real person, one whose real life pluses and minuses you have to deal with.

As long as you are vacant from both situations, one physically and one emotionally, you can pretend you live in a perfect world.

 

[Andrina]

The online friend is preventing you from bonding with a guy you can actually be with in 3D. You're just not that into the local guy, so free him to be with a woman who will appreciate him. Tell the cyber crush that for your own good, you need to lose each other's numbers. 

[smackie9]

If guy A meant that much to you, you wouldn't be hooking up with guy B. Time to boot guy A to the curb...he is no use to you anymore. You have all the attention and sex you could ever want with guy B. Obviously that's more of a priority than Mr. emotional rescue. 

[Rose Mosse]

Your boundaries were lax in your previous relationship so this hasn't changed in this new relationship. It might be best that you go your own way as a singleton and figure out what you want or need in a relationship before starting up with a new person. 

I don't think either man is what you're looking for.