I'm in love with a woman and have never been happier..

[emma_line]

I make that initial statement knowing that it's a truth that comes from deep within me. I am just two months away from my fortieth birthday and also two months away from finalizing a divorce. Fortunately for me, I was married to a man who is light years ahead of many other men because he is amazingly supportive of me despite the fact that I broke his heart. I also have two teenaged children who are the loves of my life and also both amazingly supportive of me.

I find myself in love with a woman I met just before New Year's Day... She caught my attention the moment we spoke to each other. Days after meeting, we were inseparable. It's now been nearly six months and we are so deeply in love that I cannot imagine my life without her nor she without me. We have much in common and although, we've been carrying on a long distance relationship for the majority of the time, we have been able to spend unforgettable and intense days together. She is just weeks away from coming down and moving in with me. And I am unbearably happy that we made that decision.

As soon as my husband and I decided to divorce, I decided to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and I spoke to my family and to his regarding my sexuality. I expected harsh words, disbelief and sadness. Incredibly enough, as soon as the words were out of my mouth, my families responded with understanding, compassion and love. I know that I am probably one of the luckiest individuals on the face of the earth because of these very people. And, of course, because I have her in my life. I show gratitude every single day to all that is good and powerful in the universe for my fortune and for the power of her love. Before she came into my life, I knew for a fact that I would end my days alone. I didn't see a future with my husband. I knew that it was a matter of time before we divorced and we were in the final stages of it when I met her. When I say I broke his heart, it was primarily because he expected (and I suspect he kind of looked forward to) my being sad and depressed. And when all I exuded was serenity and happiness, well, he was understandably stunned. Yet he's an amazing man and has shown class and an open mind.

Now while all of this sounds perfect, there is one detail, I've omitted that while despite the strength of love and commitment we share, I cannot forget or dismiss. She says it's not important. That it's irrelavant and immaterial. That she'll always be there for me no matter what. My sister was shocked and so was my sister-in-law. My husband was shocked. Probably, everyone who sees us together is shocked. When I'm with her, it's the farthest thing from my mind. But when we're apart and I have time to think, I wonder how I'll swing it.

I'm 19 years older than she is. I've never met anyone in my life like her. She is unique. She is the most amazing and interesting person I've met in my entire life. I spent much of my life prior to marrying traveling and then due to work, I traveled even more. Always meeting interesting people from all over the world and I've never encountered someone like her. I wondered to myself, why on earth is she attracted to someone older than she is? When I visited her at home, and she introduced me to her friends, well, not one of them is her own age. They're all my age or older! I don't feel older than she is and I cannot say she seems immature to me. She is far older than her years in demeanor and while she is extremely good at pouting....so am I.

So, let's get some feedback from all of you... I have never in my life felt something so intensely as I do the commitment I have to her and have never felt so loved and so appreciated as I do with her. But I know for a fact that while I am in extremely good physical shape now and am attractive to her now...and we can share all our favorite hobbies together (we are both extremely outdoorsy), there will come a time when I won't be able to keep up with her. For Pete's sake, when she's forty..I'll be sixty. And so on and so on. I don't really know why I'm writing all of this down...I guess it's just a way of getting the concept down and actually looking at it. It's not that I'm daunted by it but the reality of it is that I am terrified of her leaving me once I begin to show my age. There...I said it. For all the happiness and all the love, I have that one snag in there. It sneaks up on me mostly when I'm alone. It comes at night when I'm watching her sleep. It bloody well freaks me out and I hate it. I've always been extremely comfortable with my age and have never in my life wished for anything impossible. But it's there. I suppose it'll always be there. We've spoken about it. She insists that I'm insane. She holds me and says that she'll be with me for the rest of our lives. She says she'll always be there for me and when I can't keep up with her, she'll go and do her thing and come back to me. How beautiful is that? But here is the question? Is it possible?

[mgirl]

Wow, emma_line, what a story!

 

Well, first of all, i don't think the age difference matters in terms of strength of love or compatibility. It seems like you have both. I hear what you are saying regarding the age difference though and it is an issue for some people, especially the older person because he/she knows how much things can change over the course of time or a life.

 

You have every right to be concerned, but i will remind you of one thing. There is no reason why a woman aged 60 cannot be attractive and sexually active. As the generations go by and we continue to look after ourselves more, we are able to preserve ourselves well into 'old age'. I mean, they say 40 is the new 30!

 

You say you are in great physical shape, well, there is no reason why you cannot continue to be this way into your 50s and 60s and even beyond. It was just last night that i was watching the news and heard about a man, aged 99 who was still doing sit-ups and running till the day he died...! So, i am not convinced that when you are older you have to stop doing things. But i am also hearing what you are saying regarding your outdoors lifestyle and how important this is to your relationship.

 

Do you want to hear my opinion? My opinion is to enjoy it for what it is. You were prepared to spend the rest of your days "alone", so isn't this a bonus? Hell, even if you got 20 years out of this relationship, wouldn't it have all been worth it?

 

I know you are probably feeling anxiety at this but maybe keep talking about it with her and it will eventually dissipate.

 

I really admire you for having the integrity to follow your heart, separate from your husband, dispite an uncertain future.

 

I wish you and your lover all the best in life,

 

 

[emma_line]

You're absolutely right about the 20 years part. And believe me, I've thought about it and felt it deep within. Even if it was 20 more months, I'd be happy to have them. I adore her and just after I read your post, I heard my phone ring, picked up and heard her voice on the other end. Happy and loving and telling me how she's looking forward to coming down and beginning our life together. Anxiety is a good way to describe it and like every other one I've ever had, I find a way to work through them, I suppose. I guess what I have to really hold on to is her consistency in telling me that it's not an issue. Thanks for your comments and your words...they are so appreciated....take care....

[Cadence308]

I can't say I have too much to add because mgirl pretty much said everything and I totally agree! I think that the older person does worry more about a large age difference because they do know how much a person's life can change, but also I think that there's ageism and maybe older people feel like they aren't attractive or how can they be attractive to someone much younger.

 

emma_line even said:

why on earth is she attracted to someone older than she is?

 

Many times people just see the person for who they are. I have no idea what makes some people more attractive and others less. Sometimes it can be their mannerisms, their disposition in life, their laugh, their walk, intelligence, intrigue of you, the way they flip their head, or a combination of things that can make someone attractive to another.

 

I posted on here many months ago about a crush of mine that I felt deeply in love with. I was 26 at the time and she was 51. I am still very much interested in her, but there were so many gray areas. I think she may have felt something for me. She ended up telling me that she can't be my confidante because she is much older than me, my parents' age. Maybe she was looking for some reassurance from me that her age was not an issue. I have no idea. Then she told me that there's many miles between us so maybe there were mulitple issues.

 

Anyway, this post is about you and your relationship. I am just trying to show you that you can't help who you find attractive and age, when it comes down to it is really just a number that is supposed to define one's biological age.

 

Can I play the devil's advocate for a second and ask you why you fell for someone much younger? And how close are you to her parent's age? Does this bother you at all? I am curious because of my own personal experience.

[emma_line]

Well, Ballys, I don't really know why I fell for someone so much younger than myself. She and I just clicked. There was this one moment just hours after meeting when we looked into each other's eyes during conversation and I felt a tug in my heart. I couldn't keep my mind from churning around the thought that she was the one. There were so many things about her that just drove me crazy. The way she spoke, the way she moved...her unique perception on life. Aside from being one of the most beautiful individuals I've ever met, I was blown away by her very being. I kept thinking about her parents. I'm about ten years younger than they are. And all I could think of when they came to mind was how grateful I was to them for creating her and stimulating her unique personality. It did bother me that I was so close to her parents' age but at the same time, I didn't care. It still nags at me but I push it away. For a while, at the beginning, I seriously debated ending it because I didn't want to hold her back from experiencing life. From being tied to someone who had already had lived her life up to a point. I've had serious adventures (primarily due to my work as a journalist) and lead an extremely fulfilling life because of them. How can I explain it? I just didn't want her to waste any time. I didn't want my responsibilities (my kids and my career) to saddle her with experiences someone her age shouldn't have to even contemplate. But she won't have any of it. She dismisses it and says that her life is complete as long as I'm in it. My youngest is just a few years away from college and as soon as that time comes, we're off to travel and explore. Both of us have a long list of things we'd like to accomplish. Both of us were sure that we would be experiencing them on our own prior to meeting. Now I cannot see myself accomplishing any of them without her. I don't know...it doesn't really matter how old either of us are right now. What I do know is that whatever time I have with her will be mine forever. It doesn't matter if its a few years or many...I will love every single second of it. It's simply incredible that I've actually found her. And you want to know something else? I've NEVER in my entire life, been happier than when I am with her. What else can I ask for?

[JustAHuman]

I've never met, seen or heard anyone talking the way you do about the one they love. I mean, obviously this is pure love and I'm really happy for you

[europo27]

Im envious of your relationship.......how did you munster up so much courage? I hope the next 6 months and there after are the same as now.

Congratulations!! You are in a functional relationship with purest of hearts.

 

You GO Girl!!

[Cadence308]

You are so in love and that is obvious! I wish you the best of luck with her. Go experience love and the world together! The age thing really doesn't matter in your relationship.

[emma_line]

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement. After reading your responses and then reading my words, well, what can I say? I am extremely pleased to say that I never in my life thought it could be like this and I suppose that it is one of the reasons that we're so happy. We are at 11 days and counting until we begin our lives together. Is there any way to make time go faster? For Pete's sake! Every hour takes forever....but then again, an hour compared to the rest of my life? I guess I'll just stick it out, huh?

As for courage? I guess I never really even stopped to think about it. My parents, his parents, my kids, my brothers and sisters...I just could not keep my happiness a secret from them. I never really thought twice about not telling them. I don't really think it was courage rather the need to be honest and open. Luckily for us, there wasn't a horrible outcome. Then again, her parents aren't too tickled about it. It's not so much that she's in love with a woman but rather a woman that is so much older.

Which brings me to another point...I've had experiences with women, prior to marrying but none thereafter. I've always been turned on by women and have been attracted to them since but have never wanted to really act on the attraction. Until I met her. I now feel no attraction for other women except her. Interestingly enough, I have a good friend who came out a year ago after falling madly in love with a co-worker (they're still together). She phrased it rather well - I fell in love with my soulmate, who just happens to be a woman.

[pink_smurf]

I am madly in love with a woman 19 years older than me. We maintain a long distance relationship, and I can't quite say that its even defined as of yet. But she is the most beautiful thing I have ever had the insane pleasure of being around. I hope to always be part of her life, but secretly I hope to be able to take her away for her 50th birthday.

 

She is more beautiful to me now than pictures I see of her 20 years ago. Don't doubt your younger woman; she's probably plenty used to people not giving her credit for her age. Some people just prefer someone with a little more life in them-the longer you've lived, the more life you have to offer!