pink_smurf

Thank you all for your input, I really needed to talk about it! I'm not feeling guilty because of something I've done, other than not see this coming. It's been a long time since I've had feelings for a woman, and this is the first time I've had feelings for anyone else besides my husband (6 years) since we started dating. The reason I have tried to make it work really is for the kids; I know everyone says "he wasn't like this when I met him.." but seriously-things have been going downhill for a few years, my friends wonder why I have stayed, only his family supports me (of course). I don't feel entitled to cheat because he's an ass. In some ways this relationship with him has hurt me to the point that after this, I really want to be alone, independent, have some time to not have to worry about someone else. That's why my feelings for her are really messing with me; I was not looking for it. I've always felt the ability to choose to let myself be vulnerable and "fall" for someone. The feelings for this woman hit me so strong, it's like a train derailed and hit my house while I was sleeping. I don't want to cheat, I won't, I just don't understand the significance of her! I've had loads of female friends that I never ever had any romantic feelings for, and I'm a very kept woman, in the sense that I don't check out or even mildly flirt with other people. And I don't believe it to be a grass-is-always-greener, or even a pink elephant situation (where I'm trying to purge the thought, and it becomes tabu, so alls I can think about is her). The whole "tabu" relationship isn't exciting, in fact it's very hard to deal with people's criticism (my husband was almost 40 years old when we started dating, I was 20). SO don't you think if I was looking for a mental escape from my situation, it would be a prince on a white horse, my age, that everyone loved and accepted? I have gotten so much grief from my family and most of my friends over him, why in the hell would I willingly want to throw myself into the clutches of a woman? That could potentially hurt me even more. I know you all arent my free personal therapists, so it seems funny for me to be asking you why WHY? WHY HER? Really, I'm not looking for a group consensus so I could feel good about cheating; I just know that someone on this board has felt somehow similarly, and I just need the support. She's also married to a very difficult and bipolar man. When he answers the phone when I call, he whines to me about not being able to "get any" from her (what am I supposed to give him advice on how to get into his wife's pants?). I know that she's trying to make it work with him for her child, too. I guess I'm just scared that I'll never feel this strongly about anyone ever again. That probably sounds stupid and immature, but you have no idea how I feel for her right now. Recently, I decided to quit smoking (it's easy to do, I've done it hundreds of times). This time I really did, cold-turkey, no withdrawal BECAUSE THIS WOMAN HAS ME WALKING ON CLOUD NINE. It's that physically powerful. I didn't know I could love like this. God, I've always hated soap operas, and here I am contributing. Thanks for reading, and thanks for your concern.

I'm 30 years old, have a couple of kids, married. I take vows and committments very seriously, I've read a few posts that question whether it's still "cheating" on your husband if it's with a woman- of course! Besides not wanting to inflict that much pain upon my spouse, I would never leave someone and jump right into another relationship; I think it's a bad precedence. The guilt I am starting to feel is pretty conflicting, though, about a (albeit non-physical) long-distance relationship that's brewing, with a woman. My relationship with my husband is strained; he's bipolar and refuses treatment (unless it's self medicated with marijuana). I honestly don't see a good ending to my marriage, although I've tried sooo hard to make things work. He just becomes increasingly demanding and controlling, wants me to be very quiet/accepting/submissive, which I'm not and wasn't when I met him! Back to the woman. I'm getting a little ahead of myself when I say we have something brewing; right now we just have this intense friendship. I only see her a couple of times a year, but you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. She knows how important she is to me, as I couldn't imagine life without her, but I've never really came right out and told her that I have romantic feelings for her. I can't forget the intense embrace we had upon parting last time. We stood in a room full of people and just held each other for what seemed like an eternity. Well, a 10-15 second full body hug is pretty intense on it's own. I've also never officially defined my sexuality, but from a very young age I began to get crushes on women, usually older women. I was about 10 years old when I began to have intense feelings for a friend of my moms. And it hasn't been all women, or even most women that I find myself attracted to, just a select few, and it always starts intellectually/mentally/emotionally. I dated a couple of guys through my teen years, and have never had a problem being sexually compatible with men, but I usually attracted the guys who had bisexual tendencies. Not much into the macho thing. My question is this- what in the hell do I do? I am content to just be friends with her, I would rather always be just her friend than take a chance and mess things up between us, because I don't think that I could live without her. We're pretty annoying; we email sometimes several times a day. I just worry about the next time I see her; if she were to get me alone I don't think I could resist her if she made an advance. I have had a physical relationship with a woman who I fell in love with, but in the end was just being used. Very painful. And as much as I'm not offended by sex with men (hey, I like sex), there are no physical experiences I have had with men that even compare to what I felt with that woman (who broke my heart). I'm not really asking someone to tell me what to do, rather just looking for some insight. I've been reading this board for sometime, and appreciate all of the extremely insightful and supportive people who respond! You guys rock!

I am madly in love with a woman 19 years older than me. We maintain a long distance relationship, and I can't quite say that its even defined as of yet. But she is the most beautiful thing I have ever had the insane pleasure of being around. I hope to always be part of her life, but secretly I hope to be able to take her away for her 50th birthday. She is more beautiful to me now than pictures I see of her 20 years ago. Don't doubt your younger woman; she's probably plenty used to people not giving her credit for her age. Some people just prefer someone with a little more life in them-the longer you've lived, the more life you have to offer!