Enough is enough

[Venturer]

I've had enough.

 

Here's a little background and I'll try and keep it short: I dated this girl for 2 months, during fall semester 2004. Things were great, couldn't have been any better. None of the girls before her even compared one bit. I was hoping this would last longer than the longest relationship that I've ever had (7 months)... but no, it didn't. The semester ended, and she, a senior at an university, went on winter break for 1 month. So we were apart for 1 month, but kept in touch via IM. It was killing me to be apart from her, and couldn't wait for her to get back. Yet I had a feeling that something wasn't right - couldn't explain.

 

Ok she gets back. But she didn't want to see me right away, she wanted to wait a couple days. Red flags went up in my head. So I go and see her.. and she's a little cold and distant. I figure it's being 1 month apart, and take time to warm up.

 

So we sit down and get to talking and catching up. Talked for a few hours, and then she tells me that she "needs space". I was a little surprised, and it hadn't really hit me at that time yet. I still thought that she wanted some time to herself because she'd be busy with school with graduation coming up and all. She said she still wanted to talk on IM everyday. She was crying and total emotional wreck at this point. When I dropped her off at her place, she said "don't worry, its not the end of the world - you are part of my life."

 

But alas, it turns out that we didn't talk everyday... and we'd drift farther and farther apart. And I felt less and less of a part of her life. I came to accept that our relationship was over... but I resented the fact that she didn't break up with me straight out, and the fact that she said I am a part of her life when she didn't really mean that. If she really meant it, she would invite me to hang out with our mutual friends (we have the same friends, some of which are in my fraternity).

 

And now, it is at the point where my OWN fraternity brothers don't invite me out to hang out with them... and when I go out with another group of friends, I always see the girl hanging out with my fraternity brothers. That hurt. And my resentment towards her became 10x stronger. And I also am pissed at my fraternity brothers for not inviting me to hang out with them.

 

I did ask her to hang out with me a few times over the past 4 months, and she was receptive to that... but it never manifested in us actually hanging out. Well actually, for the first month after she "dumped" me, we did hang out a few times. But after that, no.

 

I don't mind being friends with the girl - but what really bothers me is that it seems she just forget about me and doesn't ask me to hang out with her while she's been hanging out with my frat bros. So whenever I see her and my frat bros, I pretend to be having the time of my life and plastering a smile on my face even if I am slowly bleeding at the heart - like there's a hole in it. And every time this happens, this punches another new hole in my heart. Everytime she sees me, she says "how are you? its good to see you" with a smile on her face, but each conversation is brief.

 

I am still not over her... and I'm just sick of it already. I just want to forget about it and move on. Heck, it's been 4 months, which is twice as long as what our relationship itself lasted. Geez, I've had enough. No more. I just want to flip the switch and turn it off.

 

When I commented to someone else's post about his having a tough time getting over a break up of a 4 year relationship, I told him to go home, cry it out, get some sleep, and then that'll be it. To that one person who replied to my post saying "no, its not that easy" - you're right, it's not that easy.

 

Man, this relationship lasted only 2-3 months, ending in late January, and I'm still not over it. How can I get over this? I keep trying, to keep myself busy, keep meeting other girls, have a life, etc... but the thoughts of this girl keep coming back.

 

Thanks for listening, people...

[sidehop]

Educate me but I never understood the whole frat thing, is that like a club almost? And if so can you actually abandon these people and move on with another? Maybe quit the whole thing outright?

 

Anyway that's gotta be really hard considering you have outside people that's hanging out with her. Whatever the reason I'm sure it's not your fault but to get over her, I would stay away from her and anyone associated and get to know other people.

 

You also mention your longest relationship was 7 months. How did most of your relationship end? Did you get seriously too quickly? Two months seem too quick to decide if that person is right for you or not. And don't get me wrong, I've gotten serious with few girls too quickly & hurt myself. I guess my point is to take your time and just be open for any possibility with other girls. As much as the feeling of loved and cared is a wonderful thing, you can't allow yourself to attach to someone emotionally in a short period of time.

 

Keep your head up man, you'll meet plenty of people in the near future and for now, sounds like she's not worth your time chasing after...

[mdandrea]

I can sort of relate to this, if she really means this much to you though, you don't want to jepordize the possibility of her being a future girlfriend by being the typical ex-boyfriend and say something stupid or gossip about her. You can't let a girl get to your heart like this though so be open to all females, even though you love her like this, she may not be the one, the one might be right under your nose and focusing on this one person will mess you up.

 

g2g, i'll get in another post later

[goddess23]

okay this is obviously a problem. i feel for you man. i mean i went through something similar in terms of the breakup--it was a vacation that ended it. he went on vacation came back and didnt contact me right away and when we did talk and i could feel that cold distance he siad he needed time. that he wasnt sure what he wanted. however the next day we just made it official. i couldnt hold on or do that bs. so i understand how difficult it is, and it was my first relationship and it was 9 months. so i understand how you feel. and pretend to look happy. you know after my breakup i acted as if i was super high and happy. people were like wahts wrong with you!! all i can say is that with time it does heal all wounds. and the first step is to lose alllll hope. i mean honestly we're bak together for 3 months now so obviously there was hope but i was like no its over no hope. thats how i began to move on. and i never stopped loving him (hence getting back together) but never the less, i did start to move on. i didnt get excited everytime i saw his name sign on, or go weak everytime i saw him in the hall...i liked him and i didnt deny that but i was moving on. it will take time. you just gotta keep yourself busy and take it a step at a time. remember that this is OVERRR dont even think thers a shot. start moving on with LIFE. and this friend issue is tough...but find new people to associate with and get different hobbies. your in the prime of your life! go clubbing, you probably have a car and nuff money to enjoy a decent life! get back into the dating scene if you're ready or just take some time for yourself and keep yourself busy. the pain will subside.

[mdandrea]

she absolutly right man. Time does heal all wounds. You'll find away to be happy again.

[Venturer]

THanks guys... from now on Im just going to live my life the way I want, and I'm not going to make any effort to talk or contact my ex or any of my frat bros who associate with her without inviting me to hang out. They're not really my friends anwyay, so no point at all. I got other friends who want to hang out, and I'll go hang out with them.