need advice

[kazman32]

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 7 years.I have bi-polar and wasn't taking my meds and putting 100% into my therapy.Toward the end of the relationship I was so deppressed I was numb the only feeling emotions I had were negative. I did very little with my ex and her son.Looking back I was hell to live with but in the end I was the one who left.She called a few weeks later and asked me to go play pool with her and her son.I refused shortly afterwards I got into treatment and commited myself 100% to getting ahold of my bi-polar,we had brief contacts over about 2 months.I began to realize how bad I messed up leaving her and one night after fixing her computer I asked her if we could see each other again she replied "I will let you know"I didn't hear from her over the weekend so I e-mailed her and she told me she was seeing someone else.I was devastated!I have made incredible steps in controling my bi-polar and am truly a new person.After 2 weeks of no contact I contaced her and asked if we could talk she said yes,she immediately recognized the diffrence in me.I asked if we could get back together and she said she couldn't not right now,she said she still had feelings for me and even felt like she was cheating on me by dating someone else(this guy lives in another state so it's mostly a phone relationship I don't think they see each other very often)I contaced her the next day and she said she was proud of me I should move on and find somone "better"I told her i had no desire to see anyone else I realized how much I loved her and her son.She said seeing me happy and the way I had changed stirred up alot of feelings for her.She asked me to go to dinner with her and her parents that evening,her parents were amazed at the change in me.I went back to her house and she said she would take me home after a movie,but she kept finding excuses to spend more time with me(lets get some icecream etc)So I finally went home and called her the next day she said her son was up crying all night beacuse he thought we were getting back together.She told him "not right now"we spent more time together that day,she said she felt like she was hurting me beacuse she was seeing someone else,she also said she felt guilty she was spending so much time with me.(btw we got along great these 3 days were calling each other dear etc.)well I went home and later that night I lost it and called and begged her.She again said not right now I need to expirence diffrent things after being with me so long,she said she needed to be away but it might not be forever.I was so upset I wanted so bad to make up for my mistakes and get back together.The next day I lost it again and called here parents and told them I felt so bad for how I had treated her and her son.The were uncomfortable and didn't want to be in the middle,she called a short time later and asked why I called her parents I told her I liked talking to them she was somewhat offstandish she said she had to get to class and said bye,I didn't even say bye I just hung up..I was so flooded with so many emotions,It's been 2 days of NC and I am doing the best I can.But if she does call(im not sure she will)she I go out and spend time with her as friends like I did over the weekend?Or is better to have NC and force her to choose between working things out with me or the guy she has been seeing(for about 3 weeks)

[Falucchi]

I don't quite understand the time frame here.

Relationship for 7 years

Break up for 60 days?

Contact once, then nothing for 14 more days

Seeing each other for 3 days

Is that about right?

 

You should be really proud of your progress, but frankly, going by your post, I think you are expecting way too much way too soon, from not only her, but from yourself.

 

While you have started making changes, I see some problems that indicate that perhaps you need to back off, and continue getting healthy.

Examples from your post, in your own words

I was devastated

I lost it and called and begged her

I was so upset

The next day I lost it again and called her parents

I was so flooded with so many emotions

force her to choose between working things out

then you say, "I am truly a new person."

 

I cannot imagine that medication and therapy can "fix" anyone in a matter of 60 days, and based on your own words and emotions and reactions, you are not ready to get itno a relationship with any woman, certainly not one with a child to raise.

 

Bahving as you did, and then expecting her to react any differently is really not fair to her, or yourself.

 

I'd give this woman and yourself a rest for 6 months MINIMUM and see how your behavior is then. Right now, you still appear to be very delicate, fragile and volitile.

 

Why was "her son was up crying all night beacuse he thought we were getting back together." Was he afraid?

Take care.

[kazman32]

No he was crying beacuse he wanted us to get back together.I have been in therapy for 5 years and made some progress,but in the last 60 days I have dedicated myself 100% and have made amazing progress,truly my Dr. cannot believe the steps I have made,I have responded very well to some new meds my doc thinks I was overmedicated before.and thus never was able to get completley on track.

[temperamental_taurus]

Unfortunately people don't realize what they had until they've stomped it to death. Being bi-polar is something you have had to live with for a long time... and even though you may have put in 100% in the last 60 days - you've had a lifetime of reacting as a bi-polar - and will probably continue to do so until you've had YEARS of 100% totally commited counseling...

 

She may be thinking that this is what you should have done before you ruined the relationship. At any rate, no matter what happens between you and her - keep going to counseling and address you're problems... fix yourself - because you will never be able to have a healthy relationship if you enter into it broken.

 

Good Luck!!!

[Falucchi]

I agree with temperamental_taurus

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