love_junkie Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 I'll try to keep this brief. This dude i know for the past coupla years shot me down! Several years ago, he was head over heels for me, but i had a boyfriend and couldn't do much about it. He asked me out, talked to me a lot and then when he realized we weren't gonna date, left me alone. Then, about 1 year ago, i met him for a beer. I told him we should go on a real date, he said 'yeah' and then i got involved with someone else, so we never went on the date. Just recently i began to find him charming. I hung out with him one night (no hanky panky or nothing), just a little huggin'. I was thrilled, i thought maybe the timing was right. The he said it, "I DON'T WANT A GIRLFRIEND". I thought he had totally enjoyed my company! Can you please explain what the hell happened? Is he gonna change his mind? He liked me before!! I called him the other day, his buddy picked up and said he couldn't talk. It hurt so bad. GUYS tell me what he is thinking! Link to comment
love_junkie Posted May 23, 2005 Author Share Posted May 23, 2005 he is 27, i'm 26 and i can't believe he is acting so indifferently to me. Link to comment
Mun Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 This is probably not what you want to hear, but I suggest you leave him alone and move on. He probably enjoys your company, you must be a really cool, fun person... but he doesn't want more . Whether or not he wants a girlfriend or YOU as a gf... he has been pretty clear.. and you can respect that, right? You shouldn't waste your time. Lot's of other guys out there and I bet you find one that DOES want you as his gf . Best wishes. Link to comment
kungfumaster Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 he probably is interested in OR found someone else already. what did you expect?? you were taken already? Link to comment
MiquelAngelo Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Ummm was he supposed to sit around waiting for you? Maybe he feels like you are probably going to leave him hanging again. I used to really like a girl some years ago and she too turned me down twice. Months later when she appeared again I wasn't about to give her third chance to turn me away. You probably made him feel like sloppy seconds. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 I agree with MiquelAngelo. He may have been interested in you before, but being brushed off twice has a tendency to turn people off emotionally. I can understand if you had a BF the first time he made advances at you, but what about the second? You suggested that the two of you go out on a real date, and then you ended up with someone else? What kind of message is that supposed to give him? He'd have to be crazy to open himself up to you emotionally so you can reject him a third time. If I were in his position, I'd be reacting the same way. Sorry, but I don't think you have a chance with this guy. Link to comment
BCBoy81 Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Been down that road. Cut your losses and run. Anybody who says "I don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend" is just basically attempting to be nice. I would just rather that person be honest and simply say "Piss Off". Whenever I hear "I don't want a...." it freaks me out. That pretty much means "I think I want to play stupid little head games with you". Like, get real. EVERYBODY wants a mate. That's the whole point of human existence. It's a bad excuse. Cut and run. Link to comment
Flora Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 well...I said the same thing aboyut 2 weeks ago. I have been dating someone over this period of time and I'm beginning to change my mind. Link to comment
DN Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 I agree with MiquelAngelo. He may have been interested in you before, but being brushed off twice has a tendency to turn people off emotionally. I can understand if you had a BF the first time he made advances at you, but what about the second? You suggested that the two of you go out on a real date, and then you ended up with someone else? What kind of message is that supposed to give him? He'd have to be crazy to open himself up to you emotionally so you can reject him a third time. If I were in his position, I'd be reacting the same way. Sorry, but I don't think you have a chance with this guy. I have to agree with this. How does he know that you are not going to do the same thing to him again? And I really don't see how you can change his mind - unless you hang out with him some more and try to show you are really serious this time. But it doesn't look good. Link to comment
love_junkie Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 seriously, whadda i do to get him back? i text him nearly ever night trying to make funny jokes n' stuff. i can't tell what he thinks....kinda seemed like a 'facade' of sorts, trying to be tough around me and stuff. he sure is busy anyways. so is there anything i can do to prove my interest and get him back? please, give me some optimistic ideas to get him back into my life again. i probably sound/seem like a stalker to him. Link to comment
DN Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 How can you get him back when you never had him to start with? Best thing is to hang around with him as much as is reasonable, show him what a fun and sexy person you are and see if he asks you out. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 I'd still like to hear how you ended up with another guy the second time you brushed him off if you were so interested in him. I really don't think you have a chance with him. No one wants to be someone's second choice. He obviously feels like a second choice to you. You had a chance to pursue him and you picked someone else. Only now that your relationship with that other person has ended are you going back to him. Imagine how you would feel if you were in his situation. You don't have a chance with this guy. Chalk it up to life experience and move on. Link to comment
love_junkie Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 i see how it is, yeah.... i just didn't know that he was THAT cool. he does some of the same things that i do and i rarely find anyone who likes the same things i do. what a pity. perhaps he doesn't want me now that he's able to have me. love is just plain ridiculous. it seems like it is never gonna work out. Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 You have to realize that when you're interested in two people at once and choose one of them, you may be ending any chance you have with the other one. Especially if you let the other one know you might be interested in them. When you choose one, choose wisely. Link to comment
love_junkie Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 well can i get him still? i've sent him many text messages. i assume he is trying to protect himself and just knows better. then again, he may be irritated/not interested at all. i tried breaking the ice but it ain't working at all. you know, i wish i had just stuck with him. he is so nice and a nice guy is what i realize i want now. Link to comment
DN Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 you know, i wish i had just stuck with him. he is so nice and a nice guy is what i realize i want now. Have you told him that in those exact words? Link to comment
love_junkie Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 he says he doesn't want a girlfriend. why bother to tell him thos words? i'm sure most men would find my groveling annoying Link to comment
love_junkie Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 hell, he won't even answer my text messages. i imagine he's lost all respect for me. Link to comment
DN Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Well, if you don't want to try then I think you should forget him and move on. Link to comment
love_junkie Posted May 25, 2005 Author Share Posted May 25, 2005 well of course i want to try. i'm scared to get hurt though. also, the reason i couldn't be with him the 2nd time is because i had yet another boyfriend at the time and was in between break-up and being together and that's why. i did find myself very bored though, that 2nd meeting there. but he is NICE/predictable, which is kinda what i need. and why the hell did he let me spend the night with him/next to him if he didn't like me one bit? what the hell is that about? then the next day, 'i don't want a girlfriend'....also, he didn't make one single move on me that night until i decided to, like 2 hours into the night!! i just wanted to hug him and that's what i did and of course he hugged back and seemed to like it. makes no sense. dammit i hate this. Link to comment
DN Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Of course you are scared to get hurt - so he is he and he has more reason to be scared given how you were before. So - if you want him you are going to have to work at it. Not by stalking him but explaining what happened before, why and how you have changed, and why it would be to his advantage to try with you now. This may not work at all and you may get hurt. But at least you will have tried and won't be kicking yourself later on for not trying. Link to comment
love_junkie Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 i think my seriousness has freaked him out a little bit.... so i think it's best to move on like you said. it REALLY REALLY seems like he doesn't give a crap and i see why he wouldn't. i was so full of CRAP. i dunno what to do. i think i should just leave him alone. i couldn't deal with the rejection and i think that's what i'm gonna do if i bug him anymore.......i think he lost any care for me with all of this and i imagine it would take a lot of work and i'm just not up for the legwork. it shouldn't be so hard. I'M SCREWED! AS USUAL! SCREWED! Link to comment
love_junkie Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 plus i think he's relishing the revenge that i'm indulging him in...could that be accurate?? Link to comment
DN Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Who knows - except him. It all boils down to two choices - try for him or get over him. Only you can decide. Good luck whatever you choose. Link to comment
love_junkie Posted May 26, 2005 Author Share Posted May 26, 2005 well, why hug me for one night then just not like me the next day? come on guys. Link to comment
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