Will it work?

[clarkster2005]

Split up from my ex about 6 weeks ago. Many reasons she gave for the breakup, but looking back I think i can see that the main problem was insecurity. From her and me.

 

I met here a few months after she split with ex. They had bought a house together, and she was still living there for 3 months after I met her. Thinking now, it was probably too soon, as she didnt really have time to be single. She also has always been dumped in her life, so she was always going to be wary of somebody new.

 

I really wanted to take the relationship slow because of this factor and also because I was a bit insecure about my last relationship. I think that my new ex wanted to feel secure but i didnt do a very good job of it.

 

Im quite adventurous, and had thoughts of maybe wanting to move abroad one day. She came to me and said that she was worried about this. I reassured her that It was something i might want to do but also that i would like her to come with me, but that it was a far off plan and thats all it was.

 

There were a few other things that made her inscure that i look back on and wish I could turn the clock back. Like she said that she maybe would be moving closer to where I was living, as she lived far away, (althoiugh we did see each other once in the week and at weekends) and that she would get a flat with her friend.

 

I had talked about us doing a trip together for a month, and that as she was at home now, it would be great so that she can save money, so I didnt think it was a great idea for her to move. A) because she would not be able to affored the trip and B) I think i got scared that as she was moviong int a flat that she would change or we would change......my insecurity!!!!! and C) she didnt really earn enough money and that she would be skint all the time)

I look back and think that was a huge mistake.

 

She took it completey the wrong way and i tolde her that I didnt mean for it to sound that bad, and why I said it, but to this day she remembers that.

 

So with all these insecurities, I think thats why we ended, as she reckons we want different things.

 

Thing is I really do want what she wants, a life together, a future stable relationship, as we are rerally meant for each other. we had communication problems as well, but i put this down to inscurities as well, like talking about important stuff. We went along in our little bubble and never really told each other of our concerns. Wrong again!!!!

 

Anyway, I contacted her a week ago, 5 weeks after we split and just said Hi. now i want to meet up with her, and ultimatly get her back, but I feel that I need to tell her that i want the same as her, and that I didnt mean to make her insecure and that I was never going to leave her like her ex's.

 

Are these things that cant be sorted out, as we have identified the problems, so we can fix them!!!!

 

What do I do?? My plan is to meet her (If she agrees) and then maybe talk to her about it and tell her that i want a life with her and that i do want all this things that she wants, or do I meet up with her and not mention the relationship and make sure she has a wicked time with me.

 

Opinions please.

[clarkster2005]

one thing I forgot to add was that I was maybe planning to write a letter explaning all this, and then saying that maybe a break would be good foer both of us and just say goodbye.......I keep swinging from doing this, to wanting to meet her and tell her.

[Hope75]

If you think she will be open to hearing you out, why not meet with her and put it out on the line and see what happens?

 

I'm a little unclear who broke up with who here, but regardless, you realize that you've both made mistakes and to you it's worth a second chance, so go ahead and tell her that.

 

Don't attack her and point fingers when you do meet up with her, it will only put her on the defense. Tell her where you think you went wrong and then precede what you think she did wrong with, "I think, and I feel, or maybe if we had done this....." instead of, "You did this, and you didn't do this..."

 

Understand that this meeting may not get you what you want, and so long as you are willing to accept that possibility than give it a try. I always say if nothing is ventured than nothing is gained.

 

Good luck!

[clarkster2005]

thats how i feel. She broke up with me, so I know that it may not get what i want, but i just feel that i need to tell her this, as she may not be aware. As i think this is the root to all our problems. I do think its worth trying again, but as you say, i wont force the issue but pointng fingers.

[heloladies21]

She will most likely get weirded out by all that talk about "the future" and how serious you are about her and how you're "meant to be". It's too much pressure and she will back off more. She dumped you so it's her job to get you back. Go back into No Contact now, no letter or meeting. See if she contacts you and starts to chase you back. And don't make it too easy for her by letting her back into your life as if nothing happened. She would just end up dumping you again.

[clarkster2005]

Hi, I understand what your saying. I rang her last night to see if she wants to meet up and she has agreed to. Now i dont know how to play it.

 

Part of me really needs to try and tell her that we are worth trying again, and the things I need to tell her are that i know what my mistakes were and that we can fix them....if she wants to. Then leave the ball in her court. I dont think I can live with myself if I dont tell her this, so I can look back further down the road and see that i tried everything.

 

When speaking to her on the phone, she seemed like she had no emotion at all, like we hadnt spent a year together. I suppose there are answers that I need to get as well, perhaps thats why im doing it, to get closure.

 

On the other hand, part of me would liek to meet her, have a nice time, then leave it completely.....or should I cancel altogether.

 

We are planning to meet on Thursday. Please help!!!!