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Who is in the wrong?

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Opinions please:


A couple days ago my gran came round to my house as she had some things to drop off here. I did not know she was coming and when I saw she arrived my main thought was to go and speak to her (2m apart). I left my phone inside as I wanted to focus on talking to her as I haven’t seen her much recently and before Covid-19 I would see her basically every day. We ended up speaking for half an hour, I know this as my boyfriend had sent me a message 31 mins ago. The first thing I said to him was “Sorry for the slow reply I was talking to my gran” as he thinks it’s rude to take longer than 10 mins to reply and if we are we should say. So I did as we agreed, telling him why I didn’t reply. But this wasn’t good enough and he was annoyed at me saying I should have messaged him. This really upset me as I didn’t think I’d done anything wrong, half an hour isn’t that long and I apologised and said what I was doing. 2 hours of arguing later and an hour of crying and we stopped talking for the rest of the day.


The next day I’m still pissed but I let it go as I lm tired of arguing. My boyfriend works on a Saturday 8-6 and has his half an hour lunch break and 3:30. When he messaged I was on a walk and told him this and warned him that I would have slower replies. I still did my best and was messaging every 3/4 mins. We were right at the end of our walk and our neighbours were in their garden and started talking to us. This meant I had even slower replies as I didn’t want to be rude and go on my phone. I still did occasionally so I could message him and I told him why my messages were even slower. And then I get a message saying “if you didn’t want to talk to me you should have just said” like I’m sorry but I was doing my absolute best in the situation I was in. He said talking to my neighbours was a random thing (we’ve spoken to them at least 10-15 times since lockdown began Ive just never told him as it’s not normally that long a chat) and he said it felt like I started the conversation as I way to get out of talking to him. Anyone that knows me knows I’m the most shy person ever and would never do that so idk why he thought I did. He knew I was with my parents and so I really don’t understand why he thought I would have started it. Anyway this argument lead to us not talking for the rest of the day again. It’s like he expects me to not be doing anything at all when he’s got his lunch break, like surely I still get to live my life on a Saturday even if it means I’m not free when he is.


Anyway these two arguments have made me feel so trapped like if I’m talking to anyone else that’s not him for longer than a few mins he gets annoyed. Surely I’m not being unreasonable thinking that’s not fair?!


And then today I was still pissed at him and quite sad actually but I tried forgetting about it and tried to actually make normal convo with him. He was about to go out on a walk with his family and I asked him where his response was “past the hole in the ground” where I live there is no place with this known nickname. I said that explanation was very vague so I didn’t know where he meant. He then get angry with a response of “right ok” and he said how that was harsh. I have gone over it again and again and I just can’t see how this is harsh. If it is then I’ll happily apologise to him but I don’t see what I said so wrong. This has made me scared to talk to my own bf now incase I say something which I think is fine and he sees as harsh.


This evening I went on our usual dog walk with my dog and our neighbours dog. On the way back we ended up talking to our neighbours again. I was 12 mins replying to his message and I said “sorry we were talking to our neighbours again and I didn’t start the conversation” like yeah I can see that sounds a bit harsh but I did this so he knew it wasn’t me not wanting to talk to him. And guess what he got annoyed. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do now if I talk to my neighbours. If I just say I’m talking to them he thinks it’s me not wanting to talk to him but if I say it’s not me starting the convo then he’s annoyed like what do I do?


This is 3 days in a row we’ve had major arguments. Each time he always says he was never annoyed. But surely if it’s caused 3 arguments it means he is? During the arguments he said that I never take responsibility for what I’ve done and always blame him. I am capable of admitting when I’m wrong but if I don’t believe I have done anything wrong I want to stand up for myself. This is the main reason I want other people’s opinions, am I in the wrong? And should I be saying sorry? I genuinely don’t see what I’ve done wrong in any of these situations, I tried my best at all times and yet that doesn’t seem good enough. If anyone does disagree with me and feels my bf is fair to be annoyed please let me know and I’ll own up that I was in the wrong.


Whilst writing this we’ve still been arguing a bit. He just replied to something “you’ve been out twice and I was fine with that” I asked what he meant and he said I’ve been out driving twice. The first time I went driving was to charge the car as the battery was dead. I was 15 mins max. The second time was to drop some stuff off at my grans and I was half an hour. (Both times he knew what I was doing). Surely he has no right to get annoyed at that (I know he said he wasn’t but that shouldn’t even be a thing he uses to prove he doesn’t get annoyed at everything?). That’s just me living my life. Am I crazy or is this whole thing completely unfair?

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