long but juicy 'more than friends?' story...

[notQuite]

Hi everyone, I need your help.

Basically, I have a male friend who I have pretty much had feelings for since I first met him a year ago. We are really quite close in that we talk about fairly personal stuff any time one of us needs to, esspecially concerning relationships. I've waivered back and forth over whether or not I really wanted to be in a relationship with him, due to some of the issues we've discussed about ourselves.

Since he's a people person, and kind of a flirt, I have never really been sure whether he has feelings for me despite seeing typical "signs" to that effect.

 

Anyhow, 2 or 3 weeks ago we went out to this party and both got drunk. We were both being sort of 'affectionate' with each other (my hand on his knee, his arm around my back/waist, etc) when we were standing around and talking. Then we danced for a bit and his hands slipped down to my ass, but I sort of 'smoothly' removed them because he has a girlfriend, and I thought that was too far. After that we were pretty much holding hands, hugging, holding each other with our temples pressed together for the rest of the night until we went home. The next day or so afterward, I spiraled completely into that really pathetic obsessive-chick mode, where all you can think about is "oh my god, what does this mean, what did I do, what is he thinking" and so on. But I came to the reasoning that we were drunk, he doesn't necessarily remember what happened, we are still just friends, and that since he has a girlfriend there was no point in pushing the issue.

 

So we continued on being friends as before; but then, last week we were hanging out in a group of people, and then went for dinner and drinks. During dinner he arranged to meet his girlfriend later that night, and then after dinner we walked around for a bit with drinks, and eventually found our way to a bus stop. He wasn't getting on the bus with the rest of us, so he went to hug me goodbye, but then decided to wait with us for the bus. During the wait he kept his arm around me, pulled me closer, rested his head against mine, and again his hand grazed my ass. When the bus came, he hugged me and we kissed each others cheeks (like friends), then he pulled me in again, hugged me and kissed my neck (might've just missed my cheek

 

2 days later he sends me text messages to essentailly ask if I got home okay, and to tell me that he was really out of it by the time we were waiting for the bus. I originally gave him the benifit of the doubt that he didn't remember what had happened, but I talked to him recently and he sort of slipped-up and started talking about something else that happened at the party, and that means he remembers.

 

My intuition is telling me that he has feelings for me and my friends say the same. I'm not the type of person that would EVER make a move on a guy with a girlfriend, but we are really close and I want to put an end to this weird "does he like me?" game, that's been going on for a year.

 

I guess I'm asking for any opinions you guys might have on the situation.

and if you think I should I ask him if he has feelings for me.

[HajiMaji]

He does like you, thats for sure. You like him too which is cool but i dont understand why he has a girlfriend. How serious is his relationship with his girlfriend? How long have they known each other/been dating.

 

If he isnt serious with his girlfriend, talk to him about his feelings. You can just let things naturally progress, cause the way they are going now you guys are going to be having sex while hes in a relationship!

[aks]

Talking to him clearly is the only solution.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Just remember, if he is willing to cheat on the gf, he is probably willing to cheat on you 2. Keep it platonic for now.

[Ugottabejokin]

Dude thinks you are attractive, would like to score with you.

 

He knows you know he is taken...but you still let the fondeling continue.

 

He sees you as an no-commitment conquest. Kinda a hobby away from the real world.

 

Say NO next time to his advances...his true self will be revealed.

 

...unless you want carefree noncommittal sex....which is what he is offering.

[SPark]

Well, I will doubtless be in the minority, but I say dial it up a notch, push him right back, THEN ask him about the girlfriend. Sometimes people are too weak to move on until they know there is something decent on the other side. I am NOT advocating sleeping with him, just reciprocate to the extent that you feel driven/ comfortable (sounds like you are pretty clear on not wanting to sleep with a guy who`s taken anyway, so that`s good), THEN have the talk.

 

I actually don`t agree that he just sees you as a conquest...he may be a really nice guy who is extremely taken with you but unwilling to hurt his current girlfriend if there is no future with you...these rare treasures of the masculine species are often mistaken for players, to their great chagrin. If he clams up when you bring up the girlfriend issue, or just tries to shut you up and press for sex, you`ll know that what you`ve got is a player and not a treasure. If he is open and honest, even a bit confused and maybe asks for advice on how not to hurt his girlfriend too badly, you`ve got yourself a guy and a half.

 

More fun than trying to settle all his relationship issues without even knowing how things are between you two, and more fun, too...and not cheating, although I think I`d better check under my car before I back out next time to be sure that his girlfriend hasn`t read this post.

[notQuite]

Oh, not sure if everyone was clear on this, but on both of these occasions he was drunk and I was at least tipsy, and probably more. Perhaps that changes your replies (or not).

 

He does like you, thats for sure. You like him too which is cool but i dont understand why he has a girlfriend. How serious is his relationship with his girlfriend? How long have they known each other/been dating.

He says he cares for her a lot, and their relationship has had some issues with him being jealous of this guyfriend of hers, so seems like he does care quite a bit. They've been together about 2-3 months, and they are breaking up in a week or two because she's leaving the continent.

More fun than trying to settle all his relationship issues without even knowing how things are between you two, and more fun, too...and not cheating, although I think I`d better check under my car before I back out next time to be sure that his girlfriend hasn`t read this post.

Thanks Jenifer, I just had my brake lines checked I pretty much already know that he is a treasure, like I said, we are really close friends.

 

In a way I'm wondering just how far his judgement was distorted by him being drunk. Was I just a cute chick that was handy when he felt amourous? Or was it that he has more-than-friends feelings for me and the boundaries we normally observe because we're friends dissappeared? I know I should probably just confront him about it, but I guess I'm scared.

[SPark]

Well, wait `til the girlfriend leaves, and then figure things out!! I do believe that there is something nice there between you two, and I`ll be sending out positive thoughts!!

[ladedah]

Trust me it's not easy to tell a guy how you feel about them.

 

I was drunk when I did it and he was totally sober when he heard what I had to say. I dont regret it because now he knows and he want to talk to me one on one about it.

 

Anyway since he's single why do you just ask him out? You can do it when you are drunk if you feel like it would be easier.

[djkidrich]

He wants to have sex with you, but he knows your feelings on the subject, however because of the vibes you are sending him he feels safe in slowly pushing the issue. As posted if you are not interested in non-commital sex, put the brakes on it now...