I don't know why???

[August200]

Hi, this is my second time posting about my girl-troubles. I have been a natural introvert towards girls from when I entered high school. Towards most girls, I can talk and be interesting.

 

But I've been trying to talk to this girl for a few weeks (same girl as last time posting). I know I've nothing to fear, and that she won't ridicule me. I just can't approach her. I try using all the shyness overcoming tips, like role-play, taking deep breaths, convincing myself that I'm not heading to my doom (lol).

 

My problem is that I can't physically walk up to her. I order my legs to move in a straight line towards her, but they won't move. If I manage to go near her, I always run away (actually walk away like nothings happening) at the last moment . Once she was sitting alone. I knew this was my chance, but I got too scared.

 

Can anyone help me? Has anyone experienced this? I'll never get a girlfriend if I always keep this fear.

[MetallicAguy]

YES, I've experienced this so many times. Look man, stop thinking about it. Stop being a submissive nerd (lol), just go up to her, say what you have to say, get it over with, get her # most importantly . You have to push your limits, get out of your comfort zone, BE A MAN.

 

Ok think of this: How do you expect her to find you attractive, if you don't have the CONFIDENCE to talk to her?

 

Yes, you will never get a gf with this fear of talking to women. They're not going to bite, get over your fear of rejection. Stop being a panzy.

 

(Can I say that moderators?)

[lusitana]

August, I find the best way to get around shyness (not vanquish it permanently, but thwart it for the moment) is to stop thinking. The reason you get scared is because you imagine all the consequences of your action and amplify the negative ones. thereforeeee, once you get an idea to do something, you have to shut your mind off immediately and just do it. It's a hard trick, but eventually you find that things rarely turn out as your worst-imagined scenario (or what would've been your worst-imagined scenario if you'd given yourself time to think).

[elila]

My problem is that I can't physically walk up to her. I order my legs to move in a straight line towards her, but they won't move. If I manage to go near her, I always run away (actually walk away like nothings happening) at the last moment

 

Your mental anxiety is taking over your body- woah, that is scary. Most that I get is red cheeks and can't think straight. Yeah, I get nervous too, so I understand.

 

What you think is worst-case-scenario is not going to happen:

"WHAT!!YOU DARE TO LOOK AT ME! TO SMILE AT ME? DID YOU JUST SAY 'HI'? HOW DARE YOU, YOU @#$*&% !!!"

 

No, that's not going to happen. If you ask her out, worst thing that could happen is she says no. I know, even a simple "no" seems scary.

 

But you really don't have to ask her out right away, just talk and find out more about her. You say you don't have trouble talking to other girls. Ask one of your friends to find out if she would mind talking to you, or maybe if she likes you. But don't ask your friend to ask her out on a date- that's just lame. You can do that when you know her better, and are more comfortable. You could also meet some of her friends, ask them what she thinks of you. Good luck.

[Shinobie]

Yes ive experienced this fear many times.This is why i havent got a gf ever is because this same fear overcomes me to not go up to a girl.But u gotta overcome this fear and go up to this girl and talk to her where as i gotta do the same.We both gotta do it for ourselves to not be so shy.Hope your able to do it and gl

[PiratePirate]

i know what the fear is like, its basically the fear of being judged and rejected. you probably think that girl will somehow not like you and think badly of you which isn't true.

 

all you have to do is GO FOR IT, i know it can be so overwhelming sometimes, but you will feel so much better. girls are really turned of by a shy guy who does not talk at all.

 

so all you do is suck it up and don't look back. instead of thinking what ifs and feeling bad about not doing anything, you'll feel soooo much better

[August200]

Thanks for all your replies guys. I know my problem is pyschological, but I still can't get myself to go near her, or any other girl I like. The problem is that not taking the risk is natural for me. Taking that type of risk is like jumping over a cliff, when you have a parachute. You know you aren't going to die, but you just can't do it. It's so frustrating. It's like my mind has some type of self-protection thing.

 

Please help me!

Standing at the cliff and waiting.

August

[elila]

How about a note? I don't think a girl would be terribly turned off by this.

 

Or just talk to her. Not much anyone here can do for you really. Ask one of her friends what she's like, so you can have an idea of what to talk about with her. Or they can introduce you, which is even better. Maybe organize a group date? That way you have a chance to talk to her comfortably because everyone else will be having a conversation and she'll know who you are if she doesn't already.