"just talk!!"

[MyNinja]

That's all I hear from people in the family, "just talk". Easier said then done.

 

While many people have physical disabilities, I feel i have a disabitilty with words. I couldn't carry a caoversation with another being if I had a gun pointed to my temple. It's not being shy or just at a loss of words it's not being able to be clear about what I want to say. I have everything I need/want to say to the person(s) and when i spaek the sentences are choppy and unclear, even to myself. You know this is a real self-esteem booster!!

 

Is this some sort of communication problem that I don't know about? Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Any ideas on how to fox this problem before it carries into future relationships and friendships.

I feel really abnormal about this and it's causing me to have confidence problems and I'd rather keep my mouth shut at times. I'm surprised I don't have grey hairs sprouting from my scalp from all the stress from this.

 

Believe it or not, this "problem" is costing me current friendships with people. They're becoming distant and blank with me at our weekly gatherings on wednesdays. I get depressed and leave eariy. I've been spending way too much time alone for years that I talk to myself on a daily basis just to take the lonely feeling away, and when i'm thinking out loud the sentences are smooth and flowing, maybe I get too critical when in the presense of others, but why?? thanks in advance

[DN]

Do you usually think very fast - i.e. you have a quick brain?

[blueangel]

You know, I have the same problem. I have a little bit of a lisp when I say my sh's ch's and g sounds. It's awful and makes me feel so self conscious.

 

Even though you may not have a lisp, you have the same problem. You are so scared of making a fool of yourself and care so much about what they think that you just end up doing it anyway.

 

It's because you're expecting it to happen. Ever hear of having faith in yourself?

 

When you talk, pretend the person isnt there. Dont focus on trying to get them to understand. Just focus on yourself as if you were alone... I know naturally you can talk normal. It's all in your head that you are different.

 

Dont believe me? Look around you at those who complain about THEIR insecurities. So many beautiful girls are so convinced that they are ugly that their inside actually becomes so, and they spend the rest of their lives trying to be beautiful.

 

what you believe, you experience

 

But you see that they already are. They think they arent normal but you know they are.

 

It is no different than with you. We are all the same.

 

Change the way you are thinking about yourself. And in the end, you really will find that without stumbling you can...

 

JUST TALK!

 

 

[MyNinja]

DN i never though about the "quick brain" thing!! Maybe I do!!

 

Blueangle, very wise for your age. thanks I never thought about it that maybe I live in my head way too much that i never noticed. I try the suggestions you posted and work really hard at this

[blueangel]

lol- everybody has a quick brain. we're talking about communicating with what's in it which is a very different thing.

 

Oh, we all have our own little head worlds. Mine is so strange... sooo strange. I am weirdest person I know.

 

 

DN i never though about the "quick brain" thing!! Maybe I do!!

 

Blueangle, very wise for your age. thanks I never thought about it that maybe I live in my head way too much that i never noticed. I try the suggestions you posted and work really hard at this

[DN]

In fact people's brains work at very different rates. Some people think very quickly, others do not. That doesn't mean the quality of thought is better or worse.

 

But people who think very quickly sometimes have trouble verbalizing because their thoughts are way ahead of their tongue. So they are continually trying to catch up with themselves. This may be why your sentences are choppy and unclear.

 

Try taking a public speaking course, or joining a theatre group and taking acting lessons. They teach you how to control your speech patterns to conform with what your brain is thinking. It may just be a synchronization problem.

 

Another tip is to breathe properly when speaking. If you take short, shallow breaths you get a little panicky because you are not getting proper oxygen flow to the brain - which makes the problem worse. Before you speak, take a fairly deep breath in through your nose, exhale through you mouth while speaking - it helps regulate the flow of oxygen, aids memory and speech patterns.

[blueangel]

It's good that you can back what you said up. I congrats you. I think what both of us said has a ring of truth. Put together, they both can help.

 

I admit I was wrong.

[MyNinja]

you both are great!

 

in fact i signed up for a public speaking course for next fall, because i knew it would help to some extent! Deep breaths!!

[DN]

It really does work. I am a member of a community theatre group and have directed a few plays and also acted. It is amazing how well it does work. If an actor forgets a line, a pause and a deep breath will often jog the memory.

[OneConfusedGuy]

mo'Nique I know exactly how you feel. No matter how hard I try I cant have a complete conversation with someone. Infact most people around me, except for my closest friends, which happen to be all of two, my conversations just don't seem to go anywhere with anyone. Ill ask how's it going? What have you been up to recently? It's weird. I've noticed one thing about myself, I start to day dream when people talk. Not that I want to, but I just do. So I lose track at what they are saying. Why does this happen?

[MyNinja]

maybe we're no fully grasping to what's being spoken of, but more how how we will project ourselves. Maybe we're so caught up in making a good impression that we miss the whole conversation all together. Or maybe it's not interesting to us or we feel as though it will mean nothing when we speak, who knows!

[blueangel]

Bingo!

 

 

maybe we're no fully grasping to what's being spoken of' date=' but more how how we will project ourselves. Maybe we're so caught up in making a good impression that we miss the whole conversation all together. Or maybe it's not interesting to us or we feel as though it will mean nothing when we speak, who knows![/quote']