I need some success stories 25/52 In love

[moformar]

Ok I need some advice, here's the deal. I am 52 and I am in love with a beautiful lady 25. She is a very intelligent (4 year degree and common sense) well adjusted young woman. The good news: We are deeply in love. We have been seeing each other for only10 months. We are a near perfect match except for our age gap. We have never once gone to bed mad at each other. The only mildly heated discussions we have had have been about how to deal with the negative influence that her friends and family have or should have on our relationship. We get along as good as or better than any other couple I have ever been around. Our companionship is awesome. Sex could not be better but keeps getting better. Go figure. It quit simply is the best relationship I have ever been in and I love her dearly. We both were unemployed for three months and were together 24/7 and never had one fight. OK I'm sure you get it, we are in love and very compatible.

Ok now the bad news. She recently got a job about 7 hours from where I live and have worked the same job for twenty years. So at first we decided that that was it, we were done neither of us wanted to try to have a long distance relationship. We had a great friendship and a greater love affair. You see from the beginning we thought it would be temporary since when we met she was only supposed to be in the area for four months. So we just said we would enjoy the time we had together not get emotionally attached and then hopefully maintain a friendship through occasional telephone chats and email. So with this in mind she did tell her family and friends (in another state) that she was hanging around with a 51 yr. old dude but did not say we were romantically involved. Of course as time went on and our feelings for each other grew and grew. We still vowed to each other to keep our emotional attachment to a minimum and told each other that we knew it would be hard when the time came to say goodbye but that is just how it would have to be. She went to her parents for a month (for Christmas) I believe we became closer during this time away (we spoke on the phone almost everyday) that is when my feelings turned from a crush to a full blown deep love for this wonderful being. During this stay at her parents she had some grief over our age gap both with her parents (who are the same age as I am) and her friends. She still told her mom it was temporary. Her mom did not understand. She returned home, we got closer and our friendship grew and our love grew. Our discussions started touching on the possibility of this being long term relationship we occasionally would discuss the many obstacles of having a relationship such as ours. Things like kids, that if we had kids I would be seventy before they graduated from high school. Future health issues, etc. Currently I am as active and healthy as I was at thirty and god willing I have twenty five good years to give her. My concerns are that I truly want what is best for her. I know a few things about life, one is there are no guarantees. She could meet some nice young guy get married have kids and live happily ever after. Or she could meet some nice young man get married have a couple kids, help him through med school that dumps her for the next hottie to come along. I know we love each other I know many people never get to share the kind of love we have.

So now what? The emotional roller coaster ride begins. A couple of weeks before her job started she had been giving a lot of thought to our situation. She asked me to move with her. I said yes. We did a recon trip. Looked for rental housing, decided to maybe buy and then sell for profit in a couple years. I was at home she went to the new job. (Staying in employee housing temporarily) The next weekend I went to see her; we looked for more housing options, found some prospects. Her attitude changed when we spoke the following week. She started talking like ending our relationship was what she thought we should do. I have always supported her decisions even if I disagree. I went to see her again, as always we had a great time together. We discussed her concerns, after changing her mind a couple of times, she came to the conclusion that the deciding factor was that her family did not like me. Keep in mind that no one in her family has ever met me save her mom, way back when our relationship was platonic. They just know that I am 52 and that is enough. So at this point, the decision is made. We were grilling food the evening before the morning I was to leave and say goodbye forever to the one I love. Then the phone rings it is a call about a house that a coworker may sell, she sees this as a sign, has some hope, asks me to go look at it with her to see if we may want to buy it, together. After awhile the hope fades she apologizes for getting my hopes up, we return to her place, spend the night together. In the morning shed many tears as we say goodbye, she goes to work an hour late. On my way home I call a friend who has been in a relationship with a man 30 yrs older than her for five years. I spoke to her about going through difficulties, and asked her to speak with my love. They both agreed. Later that night I got a call from my love saying she had changed mind and would like to not break up. I was excited but not that excited about a long distance relationship but agreed, that we would see each other as often as possible. The very next day during a telephone conversation she changed her mind again. Saying her heart belonged to me that she is so in love with me. But that her mind was 65% against and 35% for staying together. So we were just about to end the call when I asked her if I could do anything. She then to my surprise said get on a plane, go to my home town and meet my parents, family and friends. I said I would gladly do it. She said she would go with me, the next day at lunch she called I had made the reservations, gave her the details, she said she needed to let her work know and would call me that evening. Four hours later she called had changed her mind again. Even during these challenging times we have never had harsh words with each other. I truly believe that she loves me but is making this decision based mostly on the concerns of her family who love her and want what is best for her. Like me they don't know what is best for her. I do know I love her and that she loves me and would treat her like a queen. If you have been in a similar situation with a successful outcome I would like to hear your story.

[butterflycloud]

Having other people influenec the relationship can be very hard especially of it is her parents that disapprove.

 

The age gap is huge I know but what is the soul gap like??? Both of your souls obviously have that deep connection and who is to say how old our souls are..for all you know her souls could be older than yours.

 

Both of you have obviosly chosen to deal with this same issue this lifetime around.Just always remember- dont ever let anyone else dictate your life to you but yourself. People on the outside have their own ideas based on what society says is acceptable but it is you and her who are in the situation.

 

It's a tough one...thinking of you!

[lisica]

I know you asked for stories, but I do not have any, I am sorry. The age difference is really big. I can understand her dilemma. It seems like the best thing you can do for each other right now is leave each other alone a bit, maybe for a month or so. So you both have time to think without being influenced. Please do not push her.

[aklost101]

i don't have a success story, but i do want to wish you both the best. it sounds to me like your love has the same "problem" that i do... she was born too late--- i realized i should have been born about 1950, instead of in the 1980's..... i, too, have a relationship w/ a man in his 50's but it's nothing like yours so we won't even get into it.

 

good luck--- i wish you both the best

[melrich]

Generally I think age gap relationships can work but this is a big gap and she is obviously having issues with it after just 10 months.

 

I know there are outside influences but if she is truly where you say she is (madly in love with you) and you should still be in the honeymoon phase of your relationship, that should be enough for her to ignore the outside influences.

 

The fact that she isn't ignoring them tells me that she has her own concerns..probably about the future when the age gap will become more pronounced (you 65 she is 39).

 

I don't know what advice to give you...pursue or give up...my gut says to me that if she is vascillating at this point in the relationship it is difficult to see a long term future.

[neverletgo]

Mine is not much of a story either. I have a post here asking for advice.

But i am very much in love with a man that is 55, and i am 39

We have been seeing each other for close to 2 years. I have never felt this way before. He is so warm, and kind hearted. And yes our sex life is GREAT!

I have told my Mother about him, but not my dad yet. We plan on being together.

So long term, i don't know how it will work. But i do know i love this man to much, to let age stand in our way. I can't let him go. So i say go for it.

You do have to talk about the future, i mean do you want children? As long as you talk about all this now.....not later. Make sure you both agree on stuff. Then enjoy the time you have together.

[hess3050]

Hi, Your age gap is significant. I am 54 and very much in love with a beautiful lady who is 35 ys old. Our emotions are so strong for each other, that we both cannot comprehend to let this opportunity of fulfillment go past us. We would never ask our parents or relatives for advice concerning our age differnces, because the gap between their lives and ours is even greater than our age difference. To us it is no issue. Our love is so beautiful and perfect, that we know, we want to cherish and protect it from all kinds of negative influences. When two people love each other, decisions concerning them should ultimately only be made by them. I hope for you two, that you both realize, that love is secret and a gift. And when you truly love, then your focus is on your partner, not on what others say or demand. Love crosses all boundaries, and true love endures and finds a way.

[volution]

It is the norm for the woman to be younger and the man older in the Western world. The belief is that men mature slower than women, and so obviously an older man would tend to be thought of as on the same level as a younger women.

 

The problem we face though, is that maturity is an *inner* quality - physical age is *NOT* an indicator of maturity. For example, there are men in their 50s and 60s that behave like teenagers still!

 

BUTTERFLYCLOUD - you are one of the few people I've heard of that understands about an inner age - an age of the soul. Whilst it's true, many people seem quite willing to 'fit in' to society's dictums on what they should do and behave like, according to what physical age they are, there are people that refuse to be 'stereotyped' like this, such as myself.

 

My interests, beliefs, dreams and hopes tend to be shared by women much older than me. And I have had dire difficulty in finding a woman who would give me a second look - because so many people in this world make assumptions based around *physical age* - that people of a certain age will do this and that, and people older then them will do something else (etc.), and so they assume that I could never have the same interests, beliefs, and level of commitment/maturity as them.

 

It's not unknown for older women/younger men relationships, but with regards to older men/younger women (I'm talking about a gap of probably about 10 years or more), the ratio is probably about 10:1 (10 older men/younger women vs. 1 older women/younger men).

[moformar]

I still love her her alot, I want her bad, but must move on she won't tell me what she is thinking or feeling, just that she loves meam isses me and thiks of us often. But I dont bring harmony between her and her family, the family that has never me me. The family that can't be happy for her?The family that is 2000 miles from where she lives. I give up!!

[OlderThanHer]

I hear "deeply in love", "feelings" , and the like. BUT, there is a big difference between being in love, and loving someone.

 

Feelings come and go, up and down, cool and hot... One day a person wakes up and the "feelings" are gone. That's when you find out whether love is there or if it was just an emotional ride.

 

But, to my point.. my previous wife was 15 years younger than I and the age difference was not a problem.

 

I have met someone new and have been together with her for about 18 months. We both want to get married. She is 32 and I am 57... that's 25 years according to my math. However, those are years in chronology and not in mind. I have always felt very comfortable with younger people and enjoy socializing with them. For the most part, I find it difficult to socialize with people in my age group.

 

Nevertheless, I believe that any relationship can succeed if the basis for the relationship is a healthy one. That said, one will also have to consider the physical reality of life. If I am 25 years older than my mate, I will probably die much sooner than her. Is she prepared for that? What about financial security for her, if she is the conventional mother/wife? Will what I leave behind be sufficient? Just food for thought.

 

Still, as far as I know... we are still planning on getting married.

 

Wishing the Best...

[skinskinskin]

i wish you the best of luck! i am wildly in love with my boyfriend of 4 years and he is 41 and i am 26. at first it was hard but life is now beautiful! age is defnitely just a number. and i find it helpful ithat he has more life experiences than i do. hang in there!