female friends

[anunknown]

Hey,

 

I'm new here but I needed another perspective on a problem that I'm having and was hoping for some feedback. I've been in a relationship with a military man for almost 3 years now and the overwhelming majority of our relationship has been spent 1000 miles away from each other--I haven't seen him since January. I know he loves me and I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone but something happened recently that I can't get past.

 

He made a new female friend.

 

No big deal, right? Well this girl is dating one of his closest friends and a few days ago he called me and would not stop raving about her. How cool she is, how much everyone likes her, how adorable her little girl is...but the thing that really got me was when he said, "She reminds me a lot of you." For some reason, that statement sent off warning flags in my head.

 

We have the kind of relationship where we're friends first and lovers second. We spend most of our time together just hanging out and enjoying each others' company, and I think of him as my best friend. So the idea that this girl can hang out with him, enjoy his company and even touch him (however innocently) while I haven't been able to do anything more than talk to him on the phone for the last 5 months is bugging the hell out of me. I'm not normally a jealous person but for some reason this is getting to me. It also bothers me because we normally talk on the phone every day just so we can kind of keep up with each other (and pretend we're in a "normal" relationship) but since he started hanging out with this friend and his girl, he's constantly keeping his phone off so I can't reach him even when he knows I'm supposed to call. I'm not trying to be controlling or anything but I know if the tables were turned, he would be angry that I was avoiding him.

 

Am I crazy or would something like this bother anyone else?

 

~au

[alpal]

My heart goes out to you...

I know just how you are feeling and I'm also in a long distance relationship only I get to see him a bit more often than you..

I think maybe you are jealous because the situation is out of your hands... but only jealous of the time he is spending with her and you think that it should be you..

I have similar feelings but they are usually when I am feeling down or a little insecure.

I think he is behaving a little weird not answering your calls though.... maybe you need to turn the tables and have him wonder what your up to. I found that I was always around for my guy's phone calls and one week I deliberately didn't answer his calls and he got insecure then.

It's silly to play games but maybe you should just be bold and ask him outright if there is anything to worry about.

But be strong and never forget he is just as lucky to have you..

Take care

 

Ax

[Mr. Cactus]

Well it would certainly ring alarm bells for me and I would be very uncomfortable with it. I don't think you are reacting in an unreasonable way at all. If I had a girlfriend, I can absolutely promise that I would never ever talk to my girlfriend in way that implies I had any sort of ties with another woman who seemingly had wonderful and desirable attributes. There is absolutely no way I would do that, probably because I know how hurtful it would be for me if a girlfriend said the same of a another male. Sure, I mean we are always going to run into attractive people of the opposite sex all the time. But I think the key is how we handle those situations, and I don't think the way he is handling it is sensitive to your emotions at all.

 

I know I am a sensitive person and I admit being prone to jealousy, but even so, I just think this sort of behaviour is indicative of a lack of respect of your relationship with him, your fidelity to him and emotional commitment. I am so sorry this has happened. I wish I had some advice, but I can only offer sympathy. Is this the first time he has ever done anything like this at all? I think at the least I would try (at first lightheartedy) tell him that this sort of behaviour makes you quite uncomfortable. I think you have every right to at least tell him that.