just friends relationship getting too hard

[KrisStreetKin]

Ok this is pretty long but I really need advice so bare with me, it may seem like I'm rambling and I may be but please I need help. I met this girl at a pow wow (I'm native) last summer and she gave me her e-mail. We start talking on the Internet all the time; she lives an hour and a half away. We talked all the time and ended up getting really close and every once in a while I'd see her because she lives in a city where I go to shop every once in a while. On new years she comes to my party and we kiss after the countdown...very romantic stuff hahahah. Even before that weekend we talked like we are in a relationship but we say we're just friends because I didn't really want a long distance. But after a while I realized that I was already in an unofficial relationship with her and I didn't want another girl other then her so I just asked her out and we were together until about 3 weeks ago, fell in love and were perfectly happy. Then a series of thing happened...first I saw her on Friday, then the next day she went to see her friend and that went bad she was pissed off about stuff that night, then the next day 2 of her friends died in a fire So for the next week she is, of course, sad and I even skip school on day to go see her because I believe if you're in a relationship you should be there for the really bad times too. But the next week we start having odd conversations like we were drifting apart; not talking the way we used to. Tuesday of that week we start a talk about how talking on the internet is harder because you don't hear or see expression and she starts talking how she agrees and it's getting hard but I have to leave so we say we'll continue the conversation the next day. Wednesday, at school I'm distant to everyone and everyone knows there is something wrong with me but I won't tell them so I just have a bad day. When I get home I talk to her and she starts talking about taking a break for the summer because she travels all over and we wouldn't see each other. After me coming up with a few ideas that would work to let us see each other and her saying no to all of them, she finally comes out and just says she doesn't want a boyfriend for now. I try and understand why but she has no answers and I end up getting frustrated and saying something I didn't mean, huge fight and we broke up over that. But I felt terrible because I didn't mean it so I talk to her and after another day she forgives me and after all this tells me the real reason she wants to break. She thought we were getting too serious and that we moved too quickly with our feelings, that's when I asked her if they were the feelings she actually felt and she said yes even further confusing me; if that's the feelings you're having how is it moving too fast and why break if you're happy? But in the end I agreed to the break thinking I could handle it if that's what she wanted. But now ever since we broke it's been extremely hard on me, I don't sleep as well, I'm falling behind in school, and I can't get my mind off of her. We still talk all the time because we're still good friends and I recently learned that she is much more sexually experienced then me (in 3 months we never had sex…no chance to, parents always around hahaha), this information was daunting to say the least but I still want to be with her. I don't tell her this because she seems to be over it, she's ready to see other people, not for relationships because she still doesn't want a serious relationship, but I still love her and I don't know what to do; it's almost been a month and I thought I'd be fine by now but I'm not. For anyone who read this far I thank you, someone please help me, the people I've asked have only told me things I already know, I now turn to anyone willing to help. If she loved me and was happy being with me then why did she want to break? This is interfering with my schoolwork and life and I don't know what to do, why can't I get over her?

[marolua]

The most problematic question of relationships:

If s/he was happy with me, why did we break up?

Possibly,

1. She was not that happy with you.

2. She was happy but does not want to be in a committed relationship. ( I am not sure if this is possible.)

3. She is lying to you.

 

 

If you are thinking of her all the time, and she is not wanting to be in a relationship with you again, I think you must stop giving all your time in the internet speakin with her. She might be thinking that yo will always be there and might like the situation in the way it is.

 

Take some time on your own. It will be hard, but it is better than letting yourself in a crazy situation.

See if she misses you when you are not around, and keep your eyes open!

[KrisStreetKin]

I am truly grateful for your input, but for 1 she told me she was happy with me and for 3 I believe she wouldn't lie, there was only one time she lied to me and it was insignificant. She lied about something when we first met and it wasn't important but even so one night she broke down crying and told me that she once lied to me. So either she is a very good actress or i can trust her. That leaves 2 which is exactly what she told me for the break up and i agree, I don't know how it is possible. Thanks again, any input is appreciated, can anyone else help me?

[Brosef]

hey man, i know exactly what you're going through. This girl i cant get out of my head is doing something very similar to me. I can only give a little advice because i am not very experienced with this. One thing i do know is if a girl is acting distant for long periods of time then she probably is not interested. If my aim is off here, i sincerly apologize. Speaking from experience, because this aforementioned girl, is doing the same thing to me. She is very awkward around me and she is too immature for a relationship or at least telling me she isn't interested. She dances around telling me how she really feels, either to spare my feelings or she enjoys being chased. Sorry for the rant but maybe we can help each other out. We seem to be going through something similar.

[KrisStreetKin]

Thanks man, it does sound similar, I don't know about your girl but mine isn't acting distant and I can only assume how she feels from what we talk about. I want to ask her how she feels about me now but I don't want to get into it with her after we just started talkin like we used to recently. Like I said she got distant after all the bad things happened to her but now we talk like we used to. But the way we talk now is more like we have an understanding that we probably won't get back together. I don't know if she knows I want to get back together and I don't know how she feels about me anymore but I am waiting to ask her in person because I don't want to do it over the internet. As for your girl, i don't know what she tells you she really feels but it does sound like she might be toying with you.

[Brosef]

Thanks bro, i kind of need like a slap in the face to get over her. Im glad you say your girl isn't acting distant towards you.

 

Ive got a couple of questions can you talk openly with her, about anything and everything?

If so then i think you just have a really good friend, not a potential love interest.

But then again i have been wrong in the past.

Do you think you can give me some advice if i provided you with some info about my situation.

[KrisStreetKin]

Ya man i'll see if i can help you out, and we do talk openly about a lot of stuff, i do consider her a really good friend and even told her that. She told me after we broke up that we are FWB (friends With Benefits hahaha) but i told her tonight that i couldn't do that. with her it's either we're really good friends or dating, i'm not having sex with her unless we're dating because i don't think i could do it without wanting to become more involved. But ya man i'll try to help you out if i can. Thanks

[Brosef]

Okay we had been distant friends throughout freshman through senior year. then the summer of junior year her friends and my friends started hanginout together every week or so. Then from that we started to get to be closer friends. We hung out every other weekend, with our friends always around. Then about two months ago, we had a three day weekend and we hung out everyday that weekend, talked and it became apparent to my friends that i had crush on her and that she potentially liked me. So i came out and told her that week that i couldn't get her out of my head. She responded by saying that she would just kind of keep doing what we were doing, you know hanging out casually. So for about three weeks, things got awkward between us and when we got together we were nice but not the same. Then during that third week, we basically spent two days straight together with my best friend, playing sports, doing some work. Then the night of that second day we had a get-together with about 15 friends. We both drank too much. I passed out on a bed and she was getting tired too so she asked my friend were to go sleep and he sent her to my room. So we were in bed and we started talking about everything from sports to families. Then about three hours later i realized i couldn't get to sleep and she was still up too. So by this time we were both sober and we started fooling around. We stopped thinking and went at it. We did everything but intercourse and oral. Then the next morning i left and thought i would talk to her the next day at school. For weeks we barely said more than hello how are you and goodbye. It has been like that for a month now and i am completely lost. Sorry for the length but any help would be a blessing.

[KrisStreetKin]

From what you say it seems like she likes you as a friend and possibly more, if you could talk so easily and end up fooling around it would seem that she probably likes you. i'm going to go out on a limb with this one because in all honesty it might not turn out the way you might like it to; you should either directly or indirectly find out how she feels about you and go from there. i'm really sorry i couldn't be of more help as i too am not too experienced with this sort of thing. hope it's of some help.

[Brosef]

Thanks man, i have been racking my brain trying to forget about her, because all signs point to the fact that that night was a mistake. Hey if you have anymore problems you think i can help with dont hesitate to ask.