Broke up 2 weeks ago... We were engaged to marry next Januar

[mexicanfriend]

Hi,

 

I really need help and advice... My ex-bfd and I were dating for almost 4 years (June 6th would be our 4th anniversary) and we were supposed to get married next January.

He was my first and only bfd, the only person I've known and whom I shared a lot of things... I always loved him a lot, never cheated on him or did anything to hurt him... I thought we had good communication, I travel a lot because of my work and we saw each other every other weekend, but he was fully supportive when I took this job and we knew it was only gonna be for a short period (I'm finishing my job commitment this december)

15 days before he broke up with me we went together to buy our living room and we just got our apartment to share and to furnish...

I feel like I'm dying, he didn't give any sign, we talked on Sunday and he told me he loved me, and on Monday he said to me that he didn't love me anymore, that he didn't feel anything for me, and that he just saw me as a person...

 

He also said that since I joined this job I gained a lot of weight and he just doesn't find me attractive anymore and he doesn't like me or want to be with me anymore. He broke up with me by phone, eventhough I went to Mexico to visit him the week before and everything seemed normal.

 

I asked him why he never told me anything or gave me any sign... He said he tried to love "the new me" but he couldn't... I was so hurt, I thought he loved me because of me, because for who I am and not what I have or how I look.

 

I e-mailed him to agree on when to pick up my stuff when I get back to mexico (btw I dont have a place to live since I closed my apartment contract when we got the new apartment together)... He never replied my e-mail so I had to call him... and it seems that he was in the car with another girl and he treated me like he didn't even know me...

 

I asked him if there was another person, and to be honest in the name of the 4 years we spent together and he said there is no other girl but he just don't love me anymore.

 

I feel so hurt and so sad, I never thought this would happen ever, I really believed that we were going to grow older together, and have a family and have kids, I didn't start the wedding plans he was the one that wanted to get married with me and that proposed...

 

I offered him to quit my job and go back immediately if the distance was the problem, and he didn't leave any door open, there is nothing to do he said.

 

We never had huge arguments or trouble, I thought we were happy, and I just can't understand how somebody that you loved can stop loving you without telling you and just leave you without caring about your feelings or not having the decency to prepare you emotionally for this, just from one day to another leave you and tell you you're fat and he doesn't love you anymore.

 

I called his family to say goodbay, and his dad told me that he said to him that I was fat and he didn't feel attracted to me, that not even for the wedding I started to lose weight, and he feel ashamed of me... His dad told me to lose weight and try to get him back, but I think I'm a person that has a lot to offer and my true essense is inside is not the exterior, and even if I'm fat or not he has not right to hurt me or my self esteem so badly.

 

I really need advice on what to do, I've tried everything, calling my parents, my friends, doing other stuff, praying... everything, and I just keep crying, not being able to sleep and even have physical pain in my stomach every time I thought of him....

 

I feel so hurt, I dont know what to do.... I really really loved him and I still do and I dont know how can I get over this feeling and how to stop hurting myself.

 

Please, any word of wisdom and advice will be greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks for reading.

[Rainz]

Mexicanfriend,

 

I'm sorry to hear of your break up and how insenstie your ex has been towards you. Some people just don't know how to have any tact when it comes to being personal.

 

I've not had the experience of being told that my appearance is what's turned my boyfriend off of me so I'm probably not the best to hear from right now regarding that.

Some people just seem to shut off emotionally when it comes to breaking up, I know it's harsh, callous and cold, I'm getting over a similar abruptness to what you've had so I know what that's like. I'd say allow yourself to go through all the motions and spoil yourself, just whatever you do and this is going to be really hard DON'T CONTACT HIM.

 

As it's just a couple of days it obviously is very raw right now. Most people on here have been through heartbreak and are still going through it, feel free to post and vent on here like the rest of us.

[Iceman26]

Forget this loser.

 

Obviously, his love for you is only skin deep. Tell him and his papi to f---off, and find someone who truly loves you.

 

If your weight was a problem and he loved you, he could have been truthful about your weight gain with you and how he felt about it, and you could have worked on that.

 

Instead, he dumped you without saying anything. Just be thankful you didnt marry a man like that. I am sorry for what happened to you, but it sounds like he did you a favor.

 

In the meantime, get some exercise and spend time with family and friends, or people who can support you and give you words of encouragement.

[Hope75]

Hi Mexican friend,

 

I am so sorry that your ex did and said those things to you.

 

I am boiling inside right now thinking of how low and awful that was of him.

 

Ok so by now you already now that who you are inside is what really matters, and that the only extra weight you needed to lose was him and that you can thank your lucky stars that you found out who he really was before you got married.

 

Having said that I know you are hurting alot and these words can't

take away the pain. The only thing that can heal you is time. It is going to be awful for awhile. You are going to need to come to terms with the shock of your ex pulling a complete 360 on you, and that your life is now going to be different than you had imagined.

 

This doesn't have to be bad. First thing is to try and find a new place to live, lean on your friends as you have been, post here till your fingers ache, pray, exercise (it does help take your mind off him and help your body feel good), take long hot baths, see man hating/women power movies, whatever you need to do just to get him off your mind for even 5 minutes.

 

As time passes you will find that the intervals where you don't think of him get longer and longer and eventually you will feel good when you get up, go through a whole day where he doesn't enter you mind, and you will find that you are happy and satisfied with your life.

 

I really ache for you right now and please try to hang in there and keep posting here, the people are wonderful, and you will get through this.

 

A guy like that doesn't deserve the time of day from you, (and neither does his father, for that matter) and you are going to be much better off without him.

[auburnslp]

ok here's a plan for you-hope I am not off base here, but...

 

Take this time to heal-realize that he is a shallow jerk, and focus on you-and here is a nice way for some payback, and it will also help you focus and be a healthy way to do so-

 

Hit the gym, hit the bike, hit the trails, the weights, the aerobics classes where you will meet more friends and guys too-and guess what? Not only will this focus make you feel better, but in the end, it very well might be fun to meet back up with him at a later date looking so hot, enough to fill his shallow eyes with the question of "I can't believe I broke up with her", and then when he tries to weasel his way back in, you can just blow him off, and it doesn't need to be in a nice way. He doesn't deserve any kind of common courtesies here...

 

This is a win-win suggestion, but do it for you, not only for my idea of payback. You will feel better, focused, and like I said, meet so many better people as a result...

 

Good luck sweet-I wish you all my best...Michael

[liasonred]

Hi, your situation is very close to mine.

 

My gf of 6.5 yrs broke up with me 6 weeks ago. We were in the process of buying our 2nd home and living with my parents at the time as we sold our place and was waiting for the new place to be ready. Whilst at my parents all her talk was of getting married in may of 06 and when are we gonna start a family.

 

Then wham... she tells me things are no longer working, that i'm too good for her and that she needs to sort her head out. Truth is she went on a diet cos she thought she was over weight, i'm a litttle over weight too but that comes when you are comfortable in a relationship. Anyways she diets and looses a fair bit of weight, try to get me to do the same, i say i'm happy. I go to the gym when she lets me cos she wanted me to be with her all the time and look ok but along comes a new fitter, healthy eating guy and i'm out of the picture.

 

6.5 yrs, a wedding, a new 3 bedroom apartment, little cat all flushed because of her selfishness. The way i see it and you should too is that the person we loved no longer exists. A super selfish person has replaced them. By all means mourn the good times like i am and believe me i feel like real crap sometimes but don't want that person back. Don't contact them about anything other than what needs to be sorted out financially or possesion wise between you guys. Thats all i'm doing.

 

It's really strange because i too took a new job so we could afford our new place. This was my GF idea but meant longer hours and she resented me for that too. I was a bit of an emotional rock for her and she has thrown that away too. She will loose in the long run and that makes me sad. But if she came and said she wanted us together again i would take great pleasure in telling her where to go.

 

Remember, you have done nothing wrong. You have proved yourself to be faithful and able to have an honest adult relationship. You have laernt to put someone else before you and will be able to carry that into a new relationship when and only when you are ready. You are a good person and an honest one. Let the selfish, materialistic shallow people live their lives worrying about superficial stuff.

 

Theres a big world out there and mine and yours just got bigger. It feels daunting at the start i know but i am coming to terms with it now and you will too. Think of all you can do now that was out of the question before and concentrate on that. Better yourself by concentrating on yourself for a while that is the key to me moving on.

[mexicanfriend]

Thank you all very much for your support and your advice...

 

My ex and I talked last night, trying to agree on moving my stuff out and I ended up asking WHY! again.

 

He gave me more and more excuses that didn't make any sense, I was just trying to understand, because I couldn't and I can't... Each one of the excuses that he gave can be fixed if he would still love me.

 

When I said that despite everything I was willing to work things out, he said "No thanks, I really wanna be on my own, meet new people, go out with my friends, have fun and get back my life"

 

Liasonred I think you are totally right, when you mentioned that the person that I loved does not longer exist... He was so selfish, I asked him if he even cared about me or my feelings, and he said that I'm a wonderful person but I don't work out as a couple... That he is not happy and he is sorry if he didn't prepare me or talked to me about this before, but he really wants to go on without me and meet new people, etc. BTW he gave me more and more excuses, and each time every excuse is different which demonstrates that he really doesn't care about me.

 

Thanks so much for your advice and your words... I feel not alone I never tought that loving the wrong person could hurt so much... But I'm taking your advice Rainz and I'm not going to call him anymore, no matter how I feel or how much I miss him... It is gonna be hard, but I know I can do it and I will think about myself for once, he is not longer part of my present or will be part of my future and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

Thank you so much again for your postings and for helping me out in this difficult time.

[pucabelle]

I just wanted to say I am so sorry about your break-up. I am going through the same exact thing and I can't believe the pain either. I was with my ex for 5 years, we got engaged in January and planned to get married in March. I moved my two children (girls 7 & 10) from Chicago to Connecticut with the understanding we would be married 2 months after I got here. The last day of March he informed me that he couldn't go through with the marriage. I am in CT now, no job and 2 kids to take care of.

 

I understand your pain. I feel for you and wish you all the best to get through it!!

 

Chin up!

[zkor-man]

I am going to tell you to bless what has happenned , because it is a blessing..This moron could have done more damage..I am goin through

a ruff time in my marriage rite now, and I wish to God I did not marry her.

instead here we are regretting our decision.. Be happy, create happinness

for yourself, because ONLY YOU can do that..Forgive this idiot, but move on. you must!!! You will find comfort,it will take time. Keep your chin up.

Good luck!!!!