Got a Job and Friends now husband says quit or get divorce..

[Heaven1982]

Hello!

I am a 22 yr old mother of two children ages 4 and 2. I just recently got married to there father we have been together since I was 16.

I haven't ever had a steady job because I was pregnant every other year.

My husband was getting tired of supporting all of us so he said get a job. So I did. I have been working there for about 2 months. Since then I have made friends with almost everyone I work with. Great so I thought.. I work with an even amount of guys and girls but I get along better with the guys. I wrote to one of the guys at my job online and my husband flipped out. He said that I don't need male friends. He cheated on me about 4 years ago. He was my first BF and I haven't been with anyone else. I don't have thoughts of cheating,I just like to be liked everywhere I go. I was liked in highschool to. Noone has made passes at me or anything. The guys I work with are soo gross. How can I make him trust me and keep my job? I love him but I love my not having to depend on everyone else for money thing too. He says I'm to pretty to be working..Why is he so jealous? He should be proud then.. right. I'm never alone with guys or girls at work either. I have my own work area away from the attendence(I operate rides at Six Flags) SO I don't really have to see anyone I work with exceot the guests.

Help I don't want to get a divorce over a job.

[Mun]

I think he is being unfair and controling. This job makes you happy, you are having a life! He should be happy for you.

 

I think he is afraid you will do to him what he did to you--that part is obvious. I doubt that you can say anything that will make him feel better about this. I mean, if he is threatening with divorce over this he is not being reasonable.

 

Talk to him and try to reassure him, but if he does not change his mind you are going to have to make some tough decisions. Can you live with a man who wants you to stay home even if you are miserable doing just that? As you've seen, when you have a job you make new friends, have new experiences..you have some extra money... he has all that, why can't you?

[imagi]

I think you should sit down with him and be very clear about what you posted here.. you have no intention of cheating, you like your job, you like that you can contribute to the household and you like being able to support yourself.

 

It sounds like it was his idea that you got the job in the first place. You might want to bring that into any conversation that you have with him about this because it was obviously important to him that you got a job to start with.

 

Be gentle but firm with him. What if he lost his job? You having a job would be important then. And it does make you happy. Jealousy is a weird thing. You may need to sit with him and force him to talk and answer questions until you can get to the root of the problem and have him express it outloud.

 

Cheers,

Miranda

[sidhat]

Talk it out and clear everything.. But keep your self the best you can do .. Trust and understanding is the main key for any relationship...

 

Try your best and make him feel comfortable as much as you can..

 

GOOD LUCK...

[DragonGirl724]

heaven,

 

understand that cheaters & control freaks are the most insecure creatures on the planet. he seems like a very extreme case in the making. im afraid he is too thick headed to hear you out, but TRY to make him understand where youre coming from. just understand that him attempting to control your work and your friends is a very scary thought & i hope its not the case, but i will not rule out the thought that his mentality & thirst for control can become very abusive, mentally and/or physically. i wouldnt lose all hope just yet, im sure you have tried to convince him that your in-office buds are just that. but what you need to know is that a very insecure person wont believe it. no matter how many times you say it, how you say it, it wont matter. i suggest attending couple's counseling. sometimes when controllers hear it from a 'professional' it sets off a little red flag in their head.

 

i know the type of person you are & its a very good way to be. outgoing, fun, involved, popular etc...but to be such a strong minded, independent woman such as yourself, and to be involved with a very weak minded insecure man...YOU ARE A BIG TIME THREAT TO HIM! and that scares him & thereforeeee he will do all he can to cut off all ties between you & the "bad things" that make him feel this way. sometimes these kinds of people pull a 360 & completely change into a more strong minded individual. but sometimes it spirals downward & he begins to control even MORE aspects of his woman's life...sometimes so extreme that he wont let his own wife talk to their children, her family, & will make her cater to his every beckoned call....i hope this is not the case. but this is a very serious issue and i would address it accordingly. talk calmly & rationally to him, see how that goes. then suggest counseling...and if he doesnt seem to understand & still threatens divorce...so be it. you will be happier without someone like this in your life. and dont stay with him 'for the children', b/c children dont need a mother & a father living together to be happy in life. love & a happy healthy environment is all they need. and sometimes a divorce is the best situation for a child. once they are old enough to understand, they will.

 

best of luck to you, keep us posted.

 

-DG724