Question # 126297346 (just kidding)

[RoxyBabe17]

okay question: Is it wrong to be thinking of marrage ( me being at my age [17] )? As some of you who have posted to my questions before know i've been dating my b/f now for 9 1/2 months, and it's pretty serious we're basically with each other everyday ( which do you think thats too much?) and is it totally like ridicoulus of having the thought of marrage cross your mind, I know im young but I can't help but thinking about. He asked me last night " if you had the chance to marry me would you" and I, without even thinking replied yes because that's kind of what I want in the future... deos this make sense or am I being ridiculous? 8-[

[lillady898]

I really think that at a young age, even in the early 20's, it's really difficult to plan anything for the future as far as a relationship goes. It's basically a time where people change, break away from everything that they've been familiar to for so long, finding out who they really are. I don't know, though. Who's too say it can't happen?

 

If there's anything, however, that I've learned from my past, it's that it's not too good of an idea to get too serious at such a young age. I know I wouldn't listen to anyone who said that to me, so I don't necessarily expect you to cool things down with your boyfriend. It's one of those things that people figure out from experience.

[Day_Walker]

It is common in a serious relationship for the thoughts of marriage to come up. However getting married at a young age seems less than ideal, in the younger years of adulthood so much is learned and you also personally change. Getting married is a big step, why not get married when you are sure of yourself, mature and have experienced life?

[kskm]

It's not ridiculous for a serious relationship- no matter what age- to talk about marriage. What would be ridiculous is to get married at that age- you'd have to get your parents permission to even do it. Also I think that everyone should wait at least 2 years until proposed to, but that's my personal opinion. But to think and talk about it is not ridiculous.

[PAdreamer]

Here's my perspective. When I was 17 I was dating a guy that I was very serious about. I TRULY felt that I was in love with him, and I constantly entertained the idea of marrying him. Not even right away, but I wanted it for my future. Like you, he and I spent everyday together. We had the same friends, classes, extra-curricular activities! It was great and we had a ton of fun! We dated our entire senior year with a few months added to either end for a total of a year and a half.

 

The trouble was, once we graduated, we no longer spent everyday together. Soon we started to grow more as individuals. Neither one of us was comfortable with being referred to as an attachment to our partner (ie "Kari's boyfriend", "Ian's girlfriend", "Ian and Kari", ect).

 

It comes down to this. You are in a relationship that was born out of seeing each other everyday in a controlled environment- school. But when that controlled environment is no longer supporting your life, I think you're going to realize that finishing school only means that the REAL learning has just begun. And for once, the things you learn will be specific to who you are, and not just some basic, all-encompassing equations. I think you'll realize that what you want will change very quickly. What you think is the best thing for you now will soon morph into something you don't recognize or understand.

 

Now, thinking about marriage at your age is TOTALLY normal and there's nothing silly about it. I'm just saying these things so you'll be prepared when high school is over and things seriously start to change for you.

 

Good luck.

[lillady898]

Yeah... I know three couples who are getting married after they graduate from highschool this June. While I can't tell them not to do this, I really think it's a bad idea. One of the girls even questions her decision, which I think is more reason not to get into something. I think if anyone questions whether it's right or wrong to get married or be serious with someone, they should avoid it. Just thought I'd add that.

[RayKay]

I do think it is normal to *talk* about it when you are in a long term relationship, in love - people like to talk about their futures when they are interested in someone.

 

What I would HGHLY advise against though is actually marrying at such a young age, and not even until your mid 20s-30s. At this age, I think marriage seems like "something you do when you love someone" and not all the implications of that decision are truly understood. It is very hard to understabd the commitment to "forever" when you have not even truly ventured on discovering who you ARE yet. As grown up as we all like to think we are at that age, and as different as we think we are from everyone else...in another 10 years you will be amazed at how much growth you have had since then. There is a reason the divorce rates are so high for those who marry young - you are not yet complete people, and that much responsibility and committing to someone who might not truly be compatible with you as you grow in different ways create too many problems. Your communication/relationship skills are still developing as well.

 

So yes, dream, talk about it....but wait before you actually firmly PLAN anything

[PAdreamer]

Hmmm.... I've always disagreed with the notion that you should be a fully developed and mature person before you marry. No one ever stops learning and growing, so if we were to REALLY follow that plan, no one would ever marry. I know that's taking it to the extreme... Still, I don't understand why so many people think that it's so bad to learn about yourself and grow WITH the person you love.

 

I think what you really need to understand is that, yes, both of you will change tremendously in the years to come. You can't truly know if you'll be prepeared for it. So the question you should ask is are you willing to take that risk? Are you willing to love and accept your partner as they learn and grow and change? If you're willing to do that, then the changes that come to your life shouldn't matter because you want to face them together. Age doesn't matter. How ready you are to face the grown-up challenges of marriage- the REALLY REALLY tough things... That's what matters most.