Don't want to loose my wife

[gatocomair]

HI I have been married for 3 years ,love my wife with all my beeing but shes not happy .I am on the road for months at the time and she carries the weight of the household plus she works.I am a lazy man im trying to overcome that ,but she says she is tired of working at the relationship and just wants to be happy and she says she loves me .I told her that i want to save the relationship because of our love for each other did seem to land she wants more. I am trying and will keep on trying just not sure what to do.

[Iceman26]

Sounds like it may be time to quit that job and find a job that is more supportive of a family man. Just an idea.

[cleverme123]

I think the first place you could start is get off your butt and get a job. Help support some of the household stuff. Your 29 you make choices on your own. So your going to be making the choice of losing your wife or getting off the lazy kick. Find some kind of motivation cause if she don't see effort you can bet she is going to bail. I sure wouldn't work to support someone being at home not doing anything.

 

Maybe it sounds harsh but come on you didn't really get married thinking you got a mom, did you? You need to fix your issue.

[cleverme123]

In correction I saw you are on the road a lot, maybe she wants more time with you or more help around the house.

[gatocomair]

I am a pilot on the road alot,we talk about it and she wants best of both worlds money and family.

i would quit my job for no resentment whatsoever .

lazyness at home i am guilty im changing but i fall of the horse once in a while.

[gatocomair]

She also has adhd which does help . I am a affectionate husband and get her what she wants .obviously im nt meeting her expectations.

any input please anything will do

[Iceman26]

Are you a commercial airline pilot?

[RayKay]

Can you find a pilot job that requires less "months on road (in air)"?

 

It is a tough position to be in as I assume being a pilot you like flying and it is not so easy to just "find another one" that involves that. And while you are willing to quit, it may be hard to find one that you enjoy and that is similar in pay....though if she is that concerned about money, then she should not be complaining about distance...sometimes you have to make sacrifices, and it in this case may either be time/presense or money.

 

I do advise counselling for you both to discuss these issues if you cannot work them out together. It may be a matter of her having too high expectations, or you not really pulling your weight (however if you are working hard, she needs to consider that in your "laziness" as well).

[gatocomair]

yes commercial pilot,the thing is also when i am home im tired of being on the road so much that i dont want to do anything and i got to fight this and i am,also think that shes gotten used to living without me so when i do go home messes with her schedule.anybody that has something similar please do tell me I need her in my life.

[Iceman26]

Do you have enough seniority at your job to ask for shorter flights, so you can be at home with your wife, yet still make the money?

[gatocomair]

no i dont i wish the only thing is going back to instructuing and hope for a orporate job but that creates another problem money

[Iceman26]

Well dude the way I see it here is what you have to do. I think you should sit down with your wife, and tell her you want to work on your marriage in earnest with her, and that you have come to the conclusion that to be a better partner, and share more work in the household, and be a loving partner to her, you need to get the intructor or office job where you aren't away as often as you have been.

 

How receptive to a suggestion like that do you think she would be?

[gatocomair]

thats when the problem arises that then she will think that she has to carry the financial burden i think . i know cant have the best of both worlds.its crunch time.

you in the airlines??

[gata]

this is very nice of you to say!

Make sure you tell her that okay! let her know that you do want to work on this and ask her for her opinion.

Do tell her how tired you are when you are at home, but also say you want to spend time with her.

Do you ever tell her these things, sometiems we think they know but it needs to be said.

 

Tell her you want to work this together with her...

 

it can go a long way!!!

 

I know it would make all the difference in the world for me.

 

all the best!

[gata]

I was also thiking can you afford to hire someone to help her on a weekly or even montly basis?

 

it must be hard for her to be alone when you're gone too, so looking for a new job might be an option....

 

there are so many marriages that are ending because no one wants to do anything about it....dont' let that happen to you since you're willing to do something.

 

And please ACT NOW. for women when we decide to go,most of the time we just go.....dont' let that happen. Talk to her okay?

[gatocomair]

I am doing that ,and we decided to talk about it and try to fix it is it too late?? plz ppl reading dont be shy post here if u got insight plz

[Justice33]

You say you are on the road alot, what kind of work are you in?

 

Angel

[gatocomair]

i am a pilot

[Justice33]

Sorry, I saw that when I went back to the first set of reply's.

 

How often are you gone?

[gatocomair]

about a month and a half at the time and the i come home for 2 weeks and now she says she cant live with me i think might be because i disrupt her routine

[Justice33]

where u a pilot or considering it or even gone alot when you got married?

[cleverme123]

I think it's time to make a choice and you both have to do it together. You need to decide if the money of being a pilot will end your mariage. If the answer is yes you may need to consider a new line of work and deal with having less. You don't have to have every material thing in the world to survive. And you need to include her telling and showing her you are willing to take a new job, be on the road less, but need to take a pay cut. In return you will help with the house and pay more attention to her.

[nikki19]

My best friend and her husband were in your shoes. Her husband travelled for work and the most he would be home was 3 Saturdays a month, tops. His coming home for any long than that, or if he was home during the week it would completely disrupt her routine with the kids and such. Their marriage was on the rocks big time. They had to decide what was more important: the higher paying job out of town, or saving their marriage. He quit his job and got a lower paying job close to home. They may be struggling financially but they are happy! The kids get to see their dad every day and they are thrilled.

It did take a little while to re-adjust to having around all the time.

He also started doing ALOT around the house. Last time I was over he made a great supper AND cleaned up the kitchen afterwards.