why does he still feel the need to call her?

[avustt]

I think im over reacting but i really cant help it. My boyfriend who i have basically been with for 9 months on and off becauase 9 months ago he broke up with his ex gf of 6 yrs yes i know my goodness! hes 22 very mature, but he basically broke up with her becasue he cant see himself marrying her, he met me we have been together for a while now, but for a little while he would keep going back to her wondering if theere was still something there. he realized there isent and is now in love with me and were perfectly happy. except he is still friends with her and calls her about once every two weeks i know thats not much, but i dont think there is anything in the world that bugs me more then him calling her just to say hi or soemthing. he says he has no reason to call her that there friends and wants to say hi see how shes doing. it makes me sick to my stomach and i hate it, i know there friends he wont go back to her but i cant handle it, i dont know what to do. i have tlaked to him about it and he thinks i have problems and that there always going to be friends and he would never marry her and loves me but i dont know he went back to her twice already why not again? please help

[melrich]

I can sympathise with your situation. Personally I think after 6 years it is very natural that he would want to maintain the friendship but obviously that is hard for you. If he is being upfront and openm about it I would work at accepting the situation.

 

I am sure you will also get people responding saying that he should respect your wishes and not see her anymore. There is no right or wrong I don't think. You have to assess what you can live with and how much you are willing to risk by pushing it.

[MetallicAguy]

The guy can't get over his ex. This is a problem (and I'd be surprised if it wasn't a problem; they were together for 6 years! That's a long time) you need to confront on this and you need to stop him from calling her. A guy just isn't going to call her to say Hi unless either HE is still interested, or SHE is interested and she's encouraging him to call. So yeah, you definitely need to do something about this before it becomes a big problem for your relationship.

[Tulula]

Sounds to me as though he hasn't quite fully 'let go' of his ex. They were together a long time, it's hardly surprising!! I don't think that you can blame his ex either. Whether she still has feelings for him or not, he wouldn't call her/want to speak to her, if he wasn't interested in her any longer. Sounds to me as though they are BOTH finding it hard to move on and despite the fact that he is now with you and despite the fact that his ex may also be involved with someone new!

 

I've been in this situation, only I was the 'ex' girlfriend of a guy who met someone else. We were together nine years off and on in this instance and even when he found someone new, got married, he still didn't want to let me go, I didn't want to let go of him either - but I did!! Soon as I knew he'd married, that signalled the end for me. I ended up moving away from him and long distance!! Thing is, he came searching for me TEN YEARS later.......he still hadn't fully got over me and I'd never got over him either. Despite the fact that he was married, his heart always lay with me, it seems.

 

I honestly don't know what advice to give you because your guy is gonna do, what he wants to do and regardless of what you say or do! If he is still carrying a torch for his ex, then it's gonna be hard for him/for anybody else, to put that flame out! The ties that bind, aren't easily severed.

 

If I was in your situation however and I suspected that a boyfriend still carried a torch for an ex, then I'd give him an ultimatum I think........me/or the ex!! But the only reason I'd do this is because of my ex and the fact that he still carried a torch for me all these years and I'd hate to think that you end up in a situation where you could go on to marry this guy, have kids with this guy - only to have him do the exact same as my ex did - that is go searching for his ex girlfriend (me), years down the line. Not saying that happens in all situations with guys with ex girlfriends, (some guys do move on and away from their ex's and happily find love elsewhere), but if you are having worries he is finding it hard to let go of her and after nine months of those two being apart, then there is every possibilty that he will follow in the footsteps of my ex and go looking for the one, that he may in years to come, regret letting go of so easily!