Finally after all this time

[TurntSloth]

So it's finally happened. We'd been completely NC for a while until she recently reached out to me via Insta DM to ask how I was. I completely ignored it until a week later until she asked again. "I'm good, thanks." No more said, but she'd piqued my curiosity at this point. ****. I've had one eye on her Instagram profile ever since, and whilst completely getting on with my life and generally feeling quite happy with the way things are going, I've known I was playing a dangerous game. Well today after one piece of 'evidence' too many I am finally convinced that's she's back with her ex.

 

-A couple of weeks back she posted a pic from a train station that takes her to her ex's location (he lives in a different city)

-On this weekend, she'd also posted stories on the friday night and saturday morning - she was wearing the same clothes in both.

-A week later (weekend just gone) she posted another story tagging herself in the city her ex lives

-Even though I was convinced at this point it wasn't until today that I was sent over the edge when I spotted that she has added his sister and they've started commenting on each other's stuff.

 

It's all the evidence I need and I don't know how to feel. Devastated initially, but also relieved? I feel like the door has finally closed on us for good. Without going into the details of my story, I felt that even when we stopped talking or **** happened between us, we'd always sort it out and there was a chance we could try again when the dust had settled and we'd moved on. The last time we spoke in person things were good between us and she was saying she hadn't spoken to him for months and finally felt in a place where she was over him and happy again - looking back I should've seen the fact she even mentioned him meant that wasn't true.

 

Idk, I'm just rambling I think, this literally just happened and I can't sleep... I whilst I feel relieved in the knowledge that this was always going to happen and I never stood a chance, I also feel like that whole last 18 months has just been a lie. Did I mean anything to her? She sure as hell did to me... yet the whole time she was just waiting for the moment they would get back together. I feel like a complete mug. This whole scenario is so cliche and yet I fell for it hook line and sinker. I don't like to think I'm a petty or spiteful person but I also hate the fact that she has used me for her benefit when they split in the first place and is now back with him living her dream scott free, it doesn't feel fair at all.

 

This is really upsetting...

I'll block her again now but I know it won't stop me thinking about her - why is life so hard?!

 

I'm not sure what advice I need really, just ranting but any input valued - hope that's ok

[RayRay63]

I'll block her again now but I know it won't stop me thinking about her

.

 

How long is NC "for a while"? 18 months? or less than 18 months?

 

First, you're reaction to the breadcrumb was fine. You gave nothing away.

 

Second, block her, and get on with doing NC. In a way her message has set you back, but it'll take less time to get past that now.

 

Third..

 

there was a chance we could try again when the dust had settled and we'd moved on

 

If there ever was, there probably still is, and you have maintained your self respect.

 

What are you doing to improve yourself during NC?

 

Focus on that, because if she does ever re-think things, it'll be attractive.

 

And if she doesn't ... then you'll be better placed to move on into a new and healthy relationship.

 

Fourth, search on the site for Zorba's thread on the reverse psychology of the rebound, and read his long posts on the first two pages.

 

Overall, this is a temporary setback.. you just need to get back on the NC track and rebuild to where you were, then move forward.

[bluecastle]

Sorry for the dose of pain. You're certainly not alone in these moments, and with a little more time you'll see this as an important step in your healing.

 

While I'm not as staunch an advocate of the whole blocking/NC route as many are on here, this is one of those cases where you're reminded that nothing good comes from social media. Maybe she's back with him, maybe not--really, it doesn't matter. You're broken up because you guys didn't work out, and accepting that, and absorbing whatever lessons there are, is what matters.

 

Your time together was not a lie, and there is no such thing as living the "dream scott free." Not for her, not for you, not for a single human on the planet. Life's a , and all we can do is make choices that make it a bit easier while learning how to handle whatever pain comes with grace.

 

Take a deep breath, feel whatever you need to feel in this moment, and then go back to your healing, your path. I can totally relate to where you're at, having heard plenty about my ex and other men in the wake of our breakup and having gone down plenty of social media wormholes. Now I'm at a point where I can glimpse at her feed with total disinterest--a touch of curiosity, sure, but no more spins--because I accept that our time together was real and meaningful but also came to an end. Simple as that.

 

Head high--you'll get there.

[TurntSloth]

Thanks for the kind words guys, it's so tough and I just don't see the end in sight.

She's literally always on my mind even when we haven't spoken (about 3 months NC after about 10 months together to answer the question) and now I can't stop thinking of her waking up next to him instead of me.

 

I've spent the last few months throwing myself into my job and social life. I've had some great opportunities at work, made a lot of new friends and had a lot of fun. I've also gotten back into the gym consistently with my existing friends and am starting to see results which is great. Overall I'm doing much better than three months ago when we stopped talking, but at the same time I still feel awful (and now worse).

 

I'm going to take some dance lessons as I've always wanted to and I really enjoyed a taster session the other day, so basically I have enough things going on to keep me busy and improve myself, but I don't feel any better for doing them. I'm doing things for the sake of it, because I know I shouldn't mope around all day, not because I want to. The reality is that she's the only thing I want and the only thing I feel will make me truly happy now. Everything else feels like I'm pretending. I'm just stuck.