What should I do?

[Mel3652]

So this will be a very long and complicated story. I dated my ex for close to 2 years and we have broken up and gotten back together countless times. He has initiated almost every break up. We have a very hard time when dealing with communication because he likes to handle problems on his own and I like to handle them together. He gets very mad when I try to get him to talk out our problems and usually blames me for all of our problems because he said I should’ve just left the situation alone and it would be fine. We had a very rough time our first year together and broke up often but then he left for the Air Force And was gone for 7 months and while he was gone it was the best we have ever been, he actually communicated with me and made me feel loved. Then as soon as he came back, everything went back to the way it was before he left, we started breaking up again and he told me I made him miserable because I was so clingy and I can admit I did start getting very clingy because he was getting so distant. He would leave me on read all the time and would cancel plans constantly with me to where I would see him maybe once every couple weeks but would always make time for his friends. Now I am in the current situation of loving him and he says that he does not care about me or love me anymore and doesn’t miss me at all and he hated me because I made him mad. He’s also started lying to me about certain things and now he’s on a dating site. It’s only been a few weeks since we broke up and he said he has moved on. I am so hurt and he told me it was my fault that this happened but I tried so hard to make this relationship work. I still love him and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should wait for him because we always end up back together or move on... he’s never said this stuff to me before so I don’t know if this time is different. I don’t know if this really is all my fault or not. I need advice.

[SGH]

This man is selfish and the two of you are clearly incompatible. Stop supporting his view of you being a problem. Realize that in healthy relationships, individuals work together to solve issues and do so in a respectful way. His tendency to blame and degrade you shows that he is not mature enough to make a romantic relationship work.

 

Also, if you take one lesson from the experience you had with him, let it be this: when someone tells you they don't care about you, believe them. No one who loves you and wants you to be happy would ever say that. Consider seeing a professional to work through some of the baggage of this painful breakup and go no contact immediately. Continuing to have any communication with this man will only throw salt on the wound.

[Mel3652]

I tried no contact for 3 weeks and I broke one day and contacted him. I’m so sad with or without him and I just feel like I’m not enough for him no matter what I do. Thank you for your advice though, I think no contact might be my only option.

[Honeycomb8]

You're not someone's rag doll or ego boost so stop acting like one.

 

If someone breaks up with me, I'd never take them back. If they cancel more than once, I'd give them only one chance. If they ignore me, I'd give them space for good.

 

You really do teach people how they should treat you. This guy never took you seriously, and you allowed it. He shouldn't be putting blame on you and avoiding problems, that is a very childish way of dealing with issues.

 

Please get some therapy to get to the root as to why you allowed yourself to be treated in such a atrocious manner. You are precious and should be loved. He just doesn't care, so pick up your self respect and block him.

[Mel3652]

You’re right. I just got very insecure in this relationship because he was always telling me I could’ve been better so I felt like I deserved the way he treated me. I think therapy would be helpful

[gigicarmx]

Stick to no contact. Your ex sounds the same as mine. If you let them they walk all over you

[Mel3652]

What happened with your ex?

[giraffeprint]

I am in the same boat, I was the clinger and she was the distant one always ghosting me. At the end of the day you deserve someone that matches your effort. And like gigi said, they will pretty much do what you allow them to. I’m sure you will find someone that actually enjoys your clinginess and is just as crazy about you as you are them. You can’t make the relationship work by yourself