How Do I Get My Parents To Love Me? :Help Me Please:

[mymelancholysoul]

Last night I had a drama class showcase in which I was performing a scene from Taming of the Shrew. I have been working on this for months; getting together a costume, building up my character, running lines each and every day with my co star, and helping my co star get his costume. This past week I've been on the edge because I wanted so badly for this night to go well. On top of my scene, I was involved in the last act which was a dance with the whole class to the Austin Powers theme song. I continued to remind my parents that the show was Friday night at 7 and that it was free but to bring a few dollars for our donations bin. My sister had her baby on the 27th and my mom went to stay with her and said she would probably not be able to go. My dad, on the other hand, promised he would be there for me. After the show we all went off stage and everyone met with their parents and friends and took pictures, received congratulations, and flowers. I waited near the pit and looked out into the seats for my dad, panting from dancing. I didn't see him, so I ran up the stairs and out the doors to see if he was in the lobby. He wasn't. I started to panic, then cry. I cried for well over thirty minutes and wanted nothing more than to hurt myself (I've been a self injurer of over three years). When I finally calmed down enough, I called my house and my mom went off saying she would have been there if I told her the time. My dad never got on the phone. I stayed at a girlfriends house that night and went home the next day (today). We had tickets to see David Copperfield and I was running late from her house. My dad was furious and refused to even look at me in the car. We got to the show with fifteen minutes to spare. Afterward, my father walked a good ten steps ahead of me the whole time. My mom said I really pissed him off. She said I should have been there and it was foolish of me to be late. I had hurt his feelings but really just ticked him off because he wanted to see the show. And its not as if we didn't. I am home now and asked my mom if I could see a flick and borrow a few dollars. She said she wasn't sure if she should because I was late and pissed my dad off. I burst into tears and said, "Well does he know how much it hurt to not have him there?" She told me to stop being a drama queen and that it wasn't a big deal. Mind you, acting is what I plan on spending the rest of my life doing.

 

My parents are rarely there to support me in the things I do such as choral concerts, after school functions, theater nights, or anything of that nature. Whenever I get my report card, they tell me I could be doing better. I have maintained a gpa of well over 3.5 this past year but still, I am nothing to them. Everything I do is wrong. Everything I don't do is wrong. I can never please them.

 

My question is this:

What can I do to make them love me and want to be there for me?

[CarterJonas]

Maybe have a talk with your parents and tell them that you would have really liked them (or at least one of them) to have been there to watch you. Sometimes as you say it is impossible for both to be there because of other circumstances. Your parents will then know how important it is for them to support you.

 

goodluck with your parents and with your drama/dancing

[donnap]

And quite frankly, I'm not sure what I can say to help you. I feel absolutely badly for you. Your parents aren't aware of what a treasure they have in you! You really ought to let them know how important it is to YOU (even if it's not to them). I find writing how you feel helps. Sometimes writing what you WISH you could say, but not giving them that writing helps get it out of your system (include all the bad words in that). Then when things calm in your mind, you may then write a nicer form of that same note and give it to them.

 

And GO FOR THOSE DREAMS..be it a DRAMA QUEEN or not!! I'm 40 and boy do I wish I had done what I wanted back when I was 17-18 yrs old. You only live once. Go for it, despite what ANYONE says, and prove them wrong!! Otherwise you'll live with regrets. Trust me, I know.

 

If you want to email me, send me a PM and I'll give you my email addy.

 

Donna

[takingupspaces]

your better then them, plain and simple, better and you will amount to more then they ever will, i know your children will never have to think or say things like this about you. I know it feels weird to you when i write on here but i just felt that my love for you needed to be said and that you needed to be reminded that you rise above them everyday you refuse to live like they do.

[_hopeless_]

first of all you must believe that it isn't your fault .. and that you are doing a great job at everything even though your parents don't tell you!

[lakergal]

This made me sick. I read it to my 13 year old son and he was sickened.

 

Do not worry about your parents loving you... or making them love you. They do. They just were probably poorly taught themselves at how to be parents.

 

Some parents, my brothers are examples, don't realize how little things to our kids mean so much. I cannot imagine missing anything of my son's, unless I'm out of town for work.

 

Do not allow these people to stop your dreams!!!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!

 

Go to LA, work your butt off to get into film, tv, whatever... DO, not try!

 

I'm proud of you for all your accomplishments! I'm proud of you for handling yourself the way you have: GREAT grades, good support of friends and fellow cast mates, GREAT ideas about life.

 

You go girl! Knock 'em dead and when you accept that Oscar someday - Thank Laker from Minneapolis!

[smallworld]

I hope having a heart to heart like CarterJonas suggested will open your parents eyes, but if not please don't blame yourself. Sometimes the way our parents "parent" has nothing to do with us, but who they are as individuals.

 

I grew up in a similar situation and it took me many years to realize that there's nothing I can say or achieve that will ever make my mother love or encourage me. Whether it's her personality or the way she was raised, my mother is who she is and isn't likely to ever change.

 

There will always be a part of me that feels ripped off and hurt, but a therapist helped me see that holding onto the hope that she'd ever change was only hurting me more. So for my own sake, I've learned to let go of what I can't change or control.

 

Although you may not realize it, you've somehow come to this same conclusion by doing well in school despite their lack of support. Bravo!

[bkennedytension.com]

Listen: don't talk. It's not all you. It's your parents. Parents (I am one) want and dream their kids will be so high on a pedestal, that when it's not as high up as they presume it should be, parents can't deal. They want you to be and do better than they did or are. It's not about love. They do love you -- maybe not the way you want to be loved but the way they can love you. Through manipulation. You sound like you're in your early 20's; if so, it will be OK. Take hold of life now and live it 110% even without your parents OK & blessing; in 5 or so years, your parents will think they've missed out - and they have! That's their fault - not yours. Be true to your heart and the parent thing will be OK. Just give them some time to realize your way IS better than what they did and are.