READ THIS!!! I NEED HELP!!

[sportslover185]

Here's the deal. I am 17 years old and i have fallen for a girl who already has a man. The thing is that she loves me, and not him. She is scared to break it up with him because they have been together for 2 years. It tears me up to watch her pretend to love him. When i see them kiss, i want to just believe it's a dream. It is a couple weeks from prom now and she doesnt want to make it akward for them by breaking up now. But i am to the breaking point. I have been waiting for months and i dont know how long i can handle this. I cry and cry every night and can never fall asleep. I know she loves me, but why doesn't she dump him? I also recently found out that since i came around, her boyfriend has hit her. She made me promise not to tell anyone, and i won't. I feel like she deserves so much more and i tell her i can give her that. I can't understand why she still doesnt want to not hurt him. I mean look at what he does to her, but shes still scared to put him through pain. I guess sometimes it just gives me the impression she doesnt love me enough. I don't know what to do. Do i tell her it is time to pick between me or him? Or do i let this ride until after prom and hope i dont go crazy? It is tearing me up every second and i dont want to lose her by forcing her to break up with him. What do i do? I am also scared that when she breaks it up with him, he is really going to hurt her bad. What do i do? Wait? Or make her choose between the two of us? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

[lady00]

If her boyfriend hit her, she needs to get away from him fast. She needs to realize their relationship went from something she just wasn't into to something that is abusive. If she stays with him, he will probably hit her again...I've heard too many stories just like that. She needs to leave for her own safety. I don't think this is one of those situations in which you should keep her secret. Some may disagree with me on this but the minute a person crosses the line and becomes abusive and you know about it, you need to tell someone to make sure they are separated. If she's not strong enough to dump him on her own, she's going to need support. I don't think that she should stick around only to find out that him hitting her was not a one-time event (I highly doubt it was cause I've heard too many stories that are so similar).

 

You need to make your primary concern here her safety and not whether or not she will be in a relationship with you because the most important thing here is that she protects herself from ever being hit by him again. Don't give her an ultimatum (him or you)...what she needs is support and the strength to leave him. I know you're in love with her but try to act more as her friend in this situation rather than someone who wants to be with her. Once she sorts through this and gets away from him and processes/deals with the fact that she has been abused (and he probably has emotionally and/or verbally abused her too if he has hit her) then maybe you can have a relationship with her but right now, she needs to get away from him and heal not only from the breakup but also from the abuse.

[sportslover185]

you are right about that. I will have to be her friend. It has happened more than once and i know she is scared of him. i want to handle it myself and confront him, but she tells me not to because she doesn't want me brought into it. But i told her that doesnt matter, i only want her safety. SO you are right, i need to tell someone. should i confront the guy hurting her though?

[lady00]

I think you should get the help of an adult...such as a parent. This is a serious matter and I don't think that you should take it upon yourself to handle it alone...I think you really need to involve an adult and this point. How about getting your parents to talk to her parents? If he's hitting their daughter, they have a right to know so that they can put an end to it, take legal action, notify the police etc...whatever is necessary to stop the abuse and get him out of her life for good.